Being a Feminist Mommy
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- DawnF
- Douglas_Giles
- DanaV
- TeresaC
- TeresaC
- rain
- Summer
- village
- Jennifer_Johnson
- patrishbmc
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» DawnF - This is in response to Dana's post. <p>What was wrong with th
This is in response to Dana's post.What was wrong with the way my Mom and Dad did things is that no one respected the work that she did. She was told time and again that she should be reveling in her role as a mother and that cleaning house and wiping noses should be enough for her *for the rest of her life.* She wasn't allowed to have bad days or get lonely or feel unfulfilled; no one validated that. You know, my mom said that it was such a relief to read Erma Bombeck's first book because it's the first time she heard another mother admit that life at home with kids isn't always a bed of roses.
My father felt that any work she did that benefitted him was his inalienable right and it never occured to him to pitch in around the house.
What's changing now is the fact that many (but certainly not all) women *have* the choice and just by knowing that I have *chosen* to stay home, I have more freedom than my mother. I don't feel trapped the way that she did. I get help in the way that she didn't. Also, because my choice was freely made, it isn't taken for granted.
By the way, I never said that I resent the meager time I have to write; I'm grateful that being with my son means that my life has slowed down enough that I feel like writing again.
I guess the point of my essay was that I feel that being a SAHM is a feminist decision although in many ways, people don't always understand it as being one. I have had people assume that my politics are much more conservative than they are because I'm an at-home mommy. Anyone else find themselves correcting people who make such assumptions?
Anyway, thanks for offering a bit of conflict into the mix; makes for more thoughtful (and fun) reading!
Dawn
-- posted by DawnF
» Douglas_Giles - Dawn - I am a childless male but I am very happy to see your top
Dawn - I am a childless male but I am very happy to see your topic here. You will help people come to realize that being feminist does not mean being against motherhood. To my mind, it does not matter whether you are male or female, have kids or not, are married or not, are gay or straight, as long as you respect women and their choices.Welcome to Suite 101 and I wish you all the best.
Douglas Giles
Contributing Editor
Progressive Politics
-- posted by Douglas_Giles
» DanaV - Reply to Dawn; I got it. And thanks for allowing me the spac
Reply to Dawn;I got it. And thanks for allowing me the space to give my opinion.
It's a lot more work, it means less time for you, and to be a concientious parent makes every difference to your child.
I know Noah gets it, too.
Best of everything,
Dana
-- posted by DanaV
» TeresaC - Teresa Cashion TThe lack of respect for the work that was done,
Teresa CashionTThe lack of respect for the work that was done, whether in the home or outside as a volunteer, was the most difficult part of being a SAHM. The most difficult part now is that the ex-husband has as much of the children as I do plus a law degree, a judgeship, and a state retirement. As one lives it, it seems one must live one's life - and it's resultant consequences - consciously.
-- posted by TeresaC
» TeresaC - Teresa Cashion And I find it unbelieveable that women are now b
Teresa CashionAnd I find it unbelieveable that women are now being excluded from computers when Ada, a woman, and now the name of a computer language, was the first to develop the computer concept. Grace Cooper, high ranking Navy officer was an individual who development many of the computer concepts.
-- posted by TeresaC
» rain - breastfeeding and feminism
Hi, Dawn. It's me, Mandy. I know you from ap-biz. When I saw your article I had to let this out about my aunt. She is a feminist from back in the day 8^), and she is convinced that feminism is still all about choices. She believes breast is best, and she nursed my cousin back in the 70's, but she also believes that "it should be the woman's choice." It absolutely drives me crazy. I believe that formula feeding should be a last resort, if anything at all. After I gave her every rebuttal in the book, she came back with, "Well, still.... A woman should be able and allowed to choose." Argggggghhhhhh! I guess you can't win 'em all.-- posted by rain
» Summer - feminist mothers
Strange position the feminist mother is in thesedays.
With the Republicans and Democrats having such
extreme views towards womens issues.
Conservitive religion wants submission while progressive churches are lead by women ministers.
Then business industries demanding educated people
now and in the near future, and colleges are
filled with women able to fill that need, but
old notions still linger in managment.
Mother in-laws telling their sons the proper role
of his wife, but saying "I Guess I'm just old
school".
Media trying to please everybody in an hour or less.
And then there is the internet, when searching for
housewife you will enter a world where housewives are nasty little vixens waiting for a stranger to fill her need for excitment because she has nothing better to do than take naked pictures of herself.
A woman has two options.
1. Continue screaming the question, what does this
world want from me? or
2. Completly respecting herself and her choices as well as respecting other women and their choices. And keep moving forward ---->
-- posted by Summer
» village - Staying home with adolescents
I was interested in this article because I'd like to hear more about women who stay home with their adolescents. I am content to be ignored, knowing that it is important that I am there. I hear about my daughter's day, and I know what's going on in her life. Our favorite time for sharing is when I sit with her in her room at bedtime in the dark and she opens up about her dreams and fears. In her school, I feel a lot of disrespect from other moms because I don't work and neither am I president of the PTA. But mostly, I find it very hard to respect myself because when she is at school I don't have anything "important" that I do. Mostly I am in the moment of whatever time of year it is and lately I've been focusing on my health and my parents. Actually I feel a bit lost in the shuffle because so few people think adolescents need their moms at home. And also because my daughter spends most of the time pushing me away, which I respect. Still I am there to push against, and I stand firm for her right to do so (without being put down).I have been looking for a place to discuss some of my ideas since the moms around here, working or not, don't seem to be thinkers. Here's to interesting, stimulating exchanges!
-- posted by village
» Jennifer_Johnson - About staying home with adolescents, I just wanted to add that I
About staying home with adolescents, I just wanted to add that I am so so so grateful my mom was home when I called her from the lunch room umpteen times to talk about this or that or with some crisis or having forgotten some assignment or needing the rest of the day off...or whatever. I just knew that she would be there on the other end of the phone. That reassurance made such a difference to me.-- posted by Jennifer_Johnson
» patrishbmc - mission statement
Back in high school, I had gotten hold of a very popular book that talked about creating a vision and mission statement in order to define my goals and what success is for me. Throughout high school and college, I had a very hard time defining that because career-wise, I wasn't very much decided yet on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.As soon as I stepped into college, I became a self-declared feminist, and purposefully (though sometimes I feel I was led by higher forces) crafted myself into one through a whole host of academic papers and research.
But I got married early (that's another story) and I had to assert my feminism despite that by proving I still had great ambitions for my career. I had a baby three years later, and guiltily, I felt the greatest joy of my life just being with him and nurturing and teaching him. It felt so great.
But, alas, (or fortunately, I thought, as a feminist) we live in the Philippines where a second paycheck is of the essence esp. in a young household. And so I had to face the world of work again.
This time, as I was trying once more to formulate my vision/mission statement, I really tried to let it focus on my work and career while still keeping in mind my motherly duties. Strangely, I felt guilty that I could only interject being a mom somewhere down the bottom of my list when I felt this was what I was about at the moment. My feminist mind couldn't bring myself to prioritize my family over work and say that this was my passion (the instruction for making the statement said list down all of my 'passions' of the moment).
Although I decided in the end (despite my misgivings) that I will make it my goal to become a SAHM and consider it my greatest mission to raise my son (and future daughters) myself, thank God for your article, because it affirmed what I had somehow sensed all along. Now, as I realize my vision of becoming all the best I can be and blossoming into full womanhood, I know that a big part of that at this point in my life is being a mother--nurturer and teacher--and feminist.
-- posted by patrishbmc
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