Anyone with Gender Issues?
- WJames
- Tery
- biogardener
- rahunter_nf
- WJames
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» WJames - Want a b, got a g, and its depressing me
I was just wondering if I am some sort of anomaly. I wanted a boy so bad for my first born child, and the thought of having a baby girl is depressing me big time. To complicate things further, my being depressed is not making my adorable and loving wife feel good either, but I can't "fake" being excited about it in order to please her, and I can't see how to make things better. Of course there is a little more to this, but that would be too personal to discuss. I just want to know if this is normal, or if there are any other fathers to be out there experiencing something similar, and if there is anything that can be done about it.-- posted by WJames
» Tery - Re: Want a b, got a g, and its depressing me
In response to message posted by WJames:Did your wife have the baby yet? I think your feelings will change once you see that precious face that you and your wife created.
I've heard of these feelings before and yes, it is normal as some women want a baby girl so bad. I am not an expert, but being a mother of 4 kids (Three girls and one boy) all I could say is that your feelings do change once you see that little baby.
Good Luck!
-- posted by Tery
» biogardener - The good part to your feelings
I can see the positive side of your feelings. When I was expecting, I wanted a girl in the worst way, yet when I had a boy, I was as happy as I could possibly have been. Thinking back, a boy was much easier to raise, seeing that I had grown up in a family with lots of boys and knew how to handle them.Thinking back now, I can see, though, why I wanted a girl so badly. I had a wonderfully close relationship with my mother all my life. We were each other's best friends. That is the relationship which I wanted with my first child, the one who turned out to be my only child. And you know what? I have a close relationship with that son. He knows that I had wanted a girl, but he has never felt that I loved him less on account of it.
You probably had or still have a wonderful relationship with your father and are looking to have the same relationship with a son. Just wait and see how wonderful a relationship with a daughter can be. My father could have told you about it. I was his first daughter after several boys.
-- posted by biogardener
» rahunter_nf - I've Been Lucky
I've been lucky.My first wife and I were advised by her heart doctor not to have any children until she'd had a heart operation. However, after a couple years of compliance, my wife wanted a baby so badly that I agreed to break the rules just once and leave it in God's hands. The result was our "miracle baby," Allison, who is now the Contributing Editor for Friendship. I say "miracle baby" because when my wife finally had the long-awaited heart operation a few years later the doctors who operated on her couldn't believe that she'd gone through a pregnancy. (By the way, my wife died a few months later of post-operative complications.)
Because of my age, my second wife and I decided to have just one child, Naturally, I wanted a boy because I already had a daughter, Allison. We had a boy.
We decided to wait until our son was safely past infancy for me to have a vasectomy. The result was my wife's becoming pregnant. We both wanted a girl because we already had a boy. We had a girl.
And shortly afterwards I had my vasectomy.
-- posted by rahunter_nf
» WJames - Re: The good part to your feelings
In response to message posted by biogardener:It wasn't about the relationship that I had with my father-in fact, that relationship was at first a terrible one, then non-existent from the time I was about 8 years old. But that is neither here nor there as it relates to how I feel about having a girl.
Since I last posted, I have warmed a little to the idea, but I am still not thrilled about it. And not to be mean or anything, but I was looking for other male perspectives on the issue. After all, you are the ones who have to carry the baby, and how we husbands respond to the news of the baby being a boy or a girl can have a very profound effect on the spousal relationship....
That is not the only reason why I posted the question, but I'm just looking to see if other fathers have grappled with the same sort of problem.
-- posted by WJames
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