RE: EATING AND SEXUAL ABUSE

» APPRECIATIVE2000 - I am 34 years old and I was raped by two of my best friends when

I am 34 years old and I was raped by two of my best friends when I was sixteen. Prior to this time, I had no food issues. As a result of this incident, I immediately gained thirty pounds and I have struggled with my weight ever since. When I am overweight I feel slightly more secure around men. They appear to be less direct in their sexual advances and energies. However, when I am overweight, I am uncomfortable with myself because it is harder to move around, I have more difficulties with clothes etc. I feel fat. When I lose this excess weight, I feel as if I am a stranger and I feel incredibly vulnerable and afraid. I feel that I am unble to protect myself. Usually if I lose the weight, it is not long before my insecurity sends me back towards the shelter of obesity. I am uncomfortable all the time and I wonder if anyone has experienced something similar. If you have, how have you dealt with it? Any suggestions?

-- posted by APPRECIATIVE2000

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions

» Betty68 - Re: I am 34 years old and I was raped by two of my best friends

In response to message posted by APPRECIATIVE2000:

Dear Appreciative2000,

Thank you for reading my article. I understand completely where you are coming from, as I have these exact same fears. I am more able to be ME when I feel no direct sexual threat. However, as you stated, I am uncomfortable with who I am. So, no win situation. However, a few years ago I decided that hiding from the world did nothing to really protect me. I was still alone and afraid, at least, inside.

So, I started to look at ways to make myself feel better, and not necessarily weight loss. I started really thinking about what I wanted, and who I wanted to be. Who was I? Was I where I wanted to be in my life?

I lost a lot of weight when I started to feel good about myself, instead of worrying about how others see me, especially men.

So. My answer is that you should seek counseling, check your local resources for something you can both afford and are comfortable pursuing.

Good luck, Appreciative2000, we are together, you, and I, and all of the women who have ever been hurt and used food to hide. I hope you find yourself and the courage to be free.

-- posted by Betty68

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions

» aball42 - Appreciative2000

I just wanted to add a little note to the heartrending message from appreciative2000.

I completely relate to her dilemma. I was date raped when I was in my early 20s. I was in good shape, tan, and curvy. I wore tight black dresses and went to dance clubs. After the date rape, I began to feel I deserved it b/c of my body and my provocative way of dressing. I began gaining weight, and have kept it as a shelter.

I can't dress provocatively when I am overweight. I also met and married my husband as an overweight person. I worry that if I lose, he will no longer be attracted to me b/c he was practically the only man that was. Or, I worry that he will become jealous as other men become attracted to my new body.

Anyway, I agree with Betty. Find who you are, and what makes you feel happy and well. This may have nothing to do with your weight. In fact, it more than likely has nothing to do with your weight. As you become happy with your career, your hobbies, your friends, or whatever interests keep your attention, the focus will come off body image, and come onto who you really are.

The best to you!

-- posted by aball42

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions