Suicide methods: Re: Re: Re: Is Tylenol a good method of suicide?

» psychotrish - Re: Re: Re: Is Tylenol a good method of suicide?

I stayed up last night and was hoping you'd reply but i must have just missed you. I really can't suggest any, that would be unethical. I contemplated it for yrs and yrs, and the pill thing just made me look silly and got me in trouble. I always wanted the courage to do something more permanent like a bridge or a cliff, but couldn't ever bring myself to it. I just started doing really reckless things that were fun, and hoped that one of them would kill me, while i had fun in the process. Like, imagine if you were told you only had a month to live, you wouldn't be afraid to try new things, do dangerous stuff etc. I just started partying alot and had a "who cares" attitude towards life. This attitude ended up actuall working for me because i started having alot of fun, which in turn made me realize that i didn't want to die. If you really believe that you want to die, just start living every day like it's your last. Try things that you've never tried before that are risky but also fun. Not being afraid to die is actually kind of liberating. I wanted to drive into on-coming traffic, or jump off of a bridge, but always chickened out, and then i was depressed about that. i was like "god, i'm too pathetic to even die". Just start doing things that you wouldn't normally do, or would normally be afraid of. For me, although this behavior is reckless and can get you into trouble, it actually made life a little more bearable and now i don't feel like ending anymore. At the time, no one could have talked me out of it, just like you. Just start living for the moment like life's a party, and who knows, maybe you'll get what you want. I KNOW that you don't really want to die. What you want is to stop feeling like you want to. No one WANTS to die, they just don't want to feel pain anymore. If you could rub a magic genie bottle and get all of your wishes answered, i'm sure you'd change your mind. I know how you feel right now, and it pisses you off for people to try to talk you out of it, so just ignore everyone, and start doing what you want to do, it works. If you walk around and pretend that there's no tomorrow, you'll feel liberated. Tell anyone off you want, indulge yourself in your favorite activities, eat your favorite foods, take long baths, have alot of sex, try a new drug, whatever it takes to just make yourself feel good for one second. If you start FORCING yourself to feel good, even if it seems insignificant like eating some ice cream or something, all of thoses few precious moments will add up and you'll finally look back and think, "ok i wasn't miserable a second ago, then it'll be minutes, then hours, then days, and eventually you'll be like "ok, i haven't been completely miserable in months. Life CAN be bearable. And finally, bearable turns to GOOD. First what you need to do, is realize that no matter how bad you think your life is, it could be worse. Even if you don't think so, it can. I don't know why you feel so bad, but i'd like to help if i can. I have felt like you do for yrs, and it finally stopped. I did something so stupid and reckless, i was living with the "who cares attitude" i want to die, and a miracle happened. I did the opposite of what any sane person would have advised me to do, and it worked. I spent 2 wks in a psyche ward, at age 25, for drinking a bottle of vodka and taking every pill i had in my house that i was SURE would kill me (Lortab , vodka, 30 Klonopin,30 Effexor, and 30 Ritalin, and my dog's thyroid medicine too). Now i feel like a total moron, and i'm actally happy. I haven't felt this way my whole life, and now i realize that my life wasn't as bad as i had previously thought, so my method of partying alot worked. I had alot of fun, made alot of friends, and now have a husband and 2 kids. I wanted to die so i started drinking heavily, driving fast while drunk, doing drugs, sleeping around, etc. and then i found out i was pregnant. Thought that the baby would be messed up from my lifestyle so i tried to OD. Found out that i was only 2 weeks pregnant and happened to have not been drinking alot during those 2 wks because i was sick. My OD, didn't hurt my baby, just made my thyroid level abnormal for a few months. Never in my life have wanted kids because my mother remarried when i was 10, started having kids with my step when i was 12, and i was turned into a nanny. I HATED kids and swore i'd never have them. I resented my childhood being used for my mom to make me take care of HER kids. I still am forced to watch my sisters all of the time to this day, but love them now. I was the LAST person on earth to need to have a baby. The whole world(parents,boyfriend, friends, OB, etc) said i should have an abortion. At the time, the baby's father and i were broken up(he couldn't take the suicide attempts) I had no job, my parents disowned me and were going through divorce of their own, had an eviction notice on front door of my apartment, just got released from psych ward, had no friends as i'd just moved here a few months before, for my boyfriend and they were HIS friends. Something just clicked when i found out i was pregnant. I just all of the sudden didn't want to die, i had something to look forward to. Even though i was scared shitless how i was going to support it, it gave me motivation, which is huge as i was the least motivated person on earth due to my depression. It changed my whole outlook on life. I felt confident, happy and in charge. i looked in the phone book, found a job placement company, got a temp job, started working and actually LIKED it, my ex saw the change in me, we got back together, moved in, had a baby, and then got married and had another. And by the way, my husband, who was the LAST MAN ON EARTH who should've become a father, at the time, was also in the same boat. I met him during my destructive party phase. He was one of my many casual sexual partners. We partied and did drugs together. His brother died, after a night of our partying, and my husband was devestated. They were so close and had lived together their whole lives(he was 25 when he died). My husband and his brother were party animals. They were always getting arrested, in fights, selling drugs, they were bookies, but they were FUN. Everyone loved to party with them, including me, because it was so much fun. When his brother died, you'd think that make us straighten up, right? Nope, it made it worse. So here i am, straight out of the psyche ward, preganant with a guys baby, who had no job, a criminal record, was a major addict, and now was not even fun, was a zombie due to the grief of losing his baby brother and best friend. EVERYONE who knew i was pregnant thought that neither of us were fit to be parents, but for some reason, i didnt care. i wanted this baby more than ever and i don't know why. We weren't even together, he wouldnt take my calls, he said for me to abort it or that he'd never support it etc. and i ignored this, went on about my life, got my act together, and then he wanted me back. I didn't even want him back, i was doing ok, and he was still a fuck up. He started looking for a job, for the first time at age 27, got one, we rented a house and now we're both blisfully happy. All of our friends, mostly ex friends, can't believe we are the same two people. We both wanted to die, neither one of us looked like we had a future, and we were the last people on earth that should have been bringing a kid into this world. Now, my husband is the best daddy i know. He reads stories, sings, plays, etc. He has no desire to drink or do drugs or gamble or anything. He's like a different person. He thought that he'd never get over his brother's death, but he learned to cope and has found much joy in our 2 sons. We named our first son after his brother, and he looks freakishly like him, but it has brought much comfort to this whole family who was grieving. I found out that i was having a boy, on the one yr anniversary of my brother in laws death, and everything is fine now. There are still days when we get sad, but not enough to throw our lives away like we were. It's amazing to me to look back and see that just a little over 2 yrs ago, i couldn't have EVER imagined not being miserable, but not only that, actually being happy. There's hope, just start going around and trying to please yourself, pretend there's no tomorrow, live only for today and then it doesnt seem so hopeless, and you can have alot of fun in the process. I now don't regret anything that i've ever done, because it eventually lead me to where i am today. And i dont have any permanent damage from my od, because it was caught in time, but there were people in the hospital with me that had to take dialysis every day for the rest of their lives because of OD. Just try to have fun, not die. Some people actually die in the process of having alot of fun, if that's any comfort to you.

-- posted by psychotrish