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depression ruining a relationship..help!
This archived discussion is "read only". » SparkysGirl - Re: My depression is affecting my boyfriend.... I know exactly where you're at. I was with my ex for 7 1/2 years. We had some issues regarding a pregnancy, which put me into a tail spin of guilt and depression. For 2 years I kept putting on weight, got more and more sad, drank and smoked more than ever before ... I didn't want to be around him, my sexual drive was ZERO ... Until a friend finally opened my eyes to the fact that I was classically depressed. I made an appointment with my doctor, love her. She asked me about my life, what was going on, what my schedule was ... I was going to school at the local university, working full time, taking care of the household and doing all of the shopping and bill-paying while he went to work, came home and relaxed. Fair? Not at all. My doctor put me on some mild medication to help me on a chemical level, but her hugest advice was to CHANGE MY LIFE. I started going on walks, getting out of the house and letting the sun hit my face. I journaled, I tried to find the source of my pain. And it really was that house I was living in and the man I was with. After the pregnancy crisis, I had shoved all of my feelings down deep and went on with my life, but ... it never really goes away, does it? Everything negative I had associated with him and that house. So I left. I went off the medication and was doing spectacularly!I know it seems hopeless and you feel so out of control and low, but it's possible! See a doctor, journal your heart out, find out what your source was and deal with it. Medication can only help, it can't solve the problem. I look at depression as something I overcame, not something that is going ot stay with me for life. Because it won't if you can get past it. Easier said than done, I know ;-) -- posted by SparkysGirl » chipsticktpj - Re: My depression is affecting my boyfriend.... i can only give you advise on how i feel being with someone who suffers depression. he loves you, if he didnt, he would walk away. you need to make sure you tell him things, make sure you confide in him even though its hard because you feel like you dont want him around you. the worst thing i find is when my girlfriend is so upset that she says the same as you, saying that i should find someone else. thats the thing you need to realise, we dont want anyone else, if he is sticking by you, its for a reason. true love is unconditional, i love my girlfriend just like a am sure your boyfriend loves you. try not to push him away-- posted by chipsticktpj » carpeythiajones - Re: Re: My depression is affecting my boyfriend.... In response to Re: My depression is affecting my boyfriend.... posted by chipsticktpj:thank you, I know you are right, we love each other a lot. I will try to talk to him more and let him in. thank you sweetness. -- posted by carpeythiajones » carpeythiajones - Re: Re: My depression is affecting my boyfriend.... In response to Re: My depression is affecting my boyfriend.... posted by SparkysGirl:good god I don't even want to admit that he is a lot of the cause....but probably something I wil have to ackgnowlege. thank you for your advice -- posted by carpeythiajones » chipsticktpj - depression beat me depression has beaten me, i wasnt suffering from it but my girlfriend was. or shal i say my ex girlfriend. she has suffered from it for years but when we got together she was so happy that it didnt show. it was only when money, work and health problems started to get on top of her that she started getting low. as my past post stated, i didnt know i was dealing with depression and i handled it badly. i have done all i can and now we have split up and she is moving away. i was shocked as she says im the only thing that made her happy. but she wouldnt let me help. ive lost the one i love due to depression. i just hope and prey that she seeks help. she has chosen to go at it alone, all i could do now is let her know that or though i may not be her partner, im stil here as a friend. hope she uses me-- posted by chipsticktpj » Goodguy80 - Girlfriends Depression has hurt our relationship. Help! Hello I am writing this to try to get peoples opinions and help on a situation I am in right now. I had a girlfriend for 2yrs and 8 months and one day she decided to ask me for space. I was shocked obviously and asked why and asked if I had done something wrong. She told me that it was not me that it was her and she just needed space to clear her head. She told me that she could not be affectionate with me anymore and it was because she felt depressed. I could not believe it because she had been hiding this from me. She told me she needed to get her head straight and was sorry for breaking up with me that she did not want to hurt me. I asked to be there for her for support but she insisted that she needed space. I don't know what to do I want to help her I love her and I know she loves me. She told my sister that she wants to marry me but she feels she can't right now and just hopes I am still there for her when she decides to come back. I want to be there for her now but she just wants to be alone it is so hard for me not knowing what to do. I don't know maybe you guys can give me some suggestions on what to do or say. I really love this girl and I know she loves me I am just confused on why she does not want me there to help. My sister told me that my girlfriend told her she is doing this for us because she wants to be able to give herself 100% to the relationship if we get married. I think it is good she is getting help I just wish I could help somehow. It hurts me to have this feeling of helplessness. I know I have to be strong though for the day that she does come to me for help. Help me please.-- posted by Goodguy80 » poetdowns - Re: Girlfriends Depression has hurt our relationship. Help! In response to Girlfriends Depression has hurt our relationship. Help! posted by Goodguy80:It's not uncommon for a person to need/require solitude to straighten out or figure out whatever's going on inside. anon, -- posted by poetdowns » dave03 - Re: Girlfriends Depression has hurt our relationship. Help! In response to Girlfriends Depression has hurt our relationship. Help! posted by Goodguy80:Dear goodguy, I know exactly what you and your girlfriend are going through. I have been going out with my girlfriend a little over two years also. One day last month she had came to me and said she was confused and needed some space. As soon as she said that I was shocked because we never fight and love eachother so much that we eventually wanted to get married. After that day I was trying everything so I wouldnt lose her. I thought about her constantly and couldnt sleep or eat. After a week I hit a dead stop I didnt care anymore, I had became depressed. I felt like I didnt care about myself, her, or anyone and anything. I knew I needed help so I had called my grandma and she said we have a history of depression. She said you have to do the first step and get help for yourself. I said I would rather know that I still love my girlfriend first. When being depressed you dont care about your favorite thing. It hurts so bad when you feel that way because its not true but the chemical imbalance in your head is taking over you. I have been taking medicine and dont know if it is working. I dont cry or think as much anymore. I tell my girlfriend I dont want to hang out because I feel I dont. I think to myself maybe I dont want to be with her. It helps to know that I dont want to hang out with my friends either because atleast I know its just not her. I cant look at our pictures together anymore, it makes me mad when I do. I told her when she says shes going to call me later it makes me mad. I dont know why, but when she does Im not as mad and I open my heart to her. I suggest you do and dont do what she wants. If she wants space just say okay I will do whatever you want so you get better. But at the same time you have to make her remember the memories you had but dont over do it. To much can be overwhelming for her because it is for me. I think that the best thing for me is when she calls and says you will always be in my heart for the rest of her life. Try not to talk about the situation that much because she probably doesnt want to so ask her like how her day was and what are you going to do this week. So just start off by going slow so she can recover and know that she probably doesnt want to be with anyone else. I tell her I dont want to be with anyone else but I also say I dont want to be with her right now. Time is probably the best thing right now for her. If you have questions about it just email me at murphyme69@aol.com. I hope I have helped -- posted by dave03 » OneOfThoseDays - A decision I can't make My boyfriend and I were together for almost 3 years, when I moved. We had been talking about moving for awhile, but he wasn't ready, and so I went alone, back home to where my family lives. I am a student living in the US and he is still in Bermuda. I have recently been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, I'm on medication and I'm seeing a councilor. He was diagnosed with depression around the same time as me, but has been going on and off his medication.He and I were living together, and had been engaged to be married for almost a year when he took a trip to England for training and after that our relationship began to fall apart which is when I moved. The problem I have is that I constantly run away from my problems, instead of dealing with them. I've been doing it pretty much for the last 6 years, and my psychiatrist says my depression started 2 years ago when I went through anger management. I have dropped out of school and am considering my options to get back on track, one of which being staying here, and the other of course going back to him. I had made my decision which my councilor had urged me to do, but once I did and told him that I would be coming back, he began to have problems because I was uncertain what would happen over long term. I told him I wanted to marry him, but he said when. I told him this Christmas, and he said where. I told him wherever he wanted, and he said he didn't think that I wanted to. Now this has been an ongoing problem in our relationship, either he doesn't trust me or he doesn't feel confident with himself and thinks there's better out there for me because he says he trusts me. I really feel that this all, as confusing as it is, relates to the depression in both our cases. What I can't figure out is if it's worth working through this, and how to get through to him that I truly love and care for him, and that I don't want anyone else. I want to be with him, but I worry that he doesn't want to be with me, or that he thinks I don't want to be with him, he has said in the past that he didn't think he'd make me happy. I don't know where to go, or where to turn because I use to turn to him. I feel like I've lost not only my lover but my best friend. Any advice???????? PLEASE?????? -- posted by OneOfThoseDays » Fairdinkum - Re: A decision I can't make In response to A decision I can't make posted by OneOfThoseDays:Maybe major decisions like marriage shouldn't be made when in the middle of a depressive episode. As you've only recently been diagnosed, maybe you also need time for the medication and the counselling to kick in. Medication can take around 6 weeks and longer if the most effective dose still has to be established. So, give yourself some time. You'll still love each other in 2006/7 if marriage was ever meant to be. "The problem I have is that I constantly run away from my problems" Is this your diagnosis? Doubting yourself is normal and maybe you are handling it all as best you can. I just suspect you're being a bit hard on yourself. Depression can be a scary thing...like a bottomless pit. But your counsellor can give you skills to learn to help you change the way you think so you can change the way you act. Sounds like a cliche but it's true. Anger can be a symptom of depression...dealing with it is one aspect of cognitive behaviour therapy. That's not running away from anything! And you know something? If he also has depression and not handling it too well...what will he expect from you in what should be an equal partnership? I'm no therapist...just been there done that a lifetime ago. And you also will get through this. Best wishes. Jeff -- posted by Fairdinkum Please follow the guidelines set forth in the Suite101 Posting Etiquette when adding to the discussion. |
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Are you running away from him or running to your family...for support you know you'll get?