depression ruining a relationship..help!: What to do??

» Confused415 - What to do??

I just found out a month ago that my boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs has been suffering from depression most of his life. I had no clue. On a trip to Puerto Rico last year, we had a HUGE fight, and after he calmed down, he told me that he wanted this relationship to work, but he also admitted that he had anger management issues. I loved and cared about his so much at the time, that I was willing to work with him on it. Problem was, he didn't want to see help.

It's not May 2006, and we have broken up now for a month. In the weeks leading up to the breakup, I was getting frustrated with his behavior. It seemed like EVERYTHING was bothering him, and he'd end up having angry thoughts. ALthough he never took out his anger on me, he'd kick things around, or punch a wall. After thinking things over for a few days, I realized that I was getting tired of his erratic behavior. He was a walking time bomb, and I never knew what would set him off. I called him one night to tell him that I was thinking that we should part ways. After I spoke, he admitted to suffering from deep depression most of his life. He believe that I was his last hope, and if I couldn't handle him, then he would have to accept the fact that he would be alone for the rest of his life. In addition to that statement, he screamed out that he hated himself, hated the direction in life that he was going it, and bursted into tears. I didn't realize how much pain he was in. He hid everything so well - I asked if his friends or family knew of his condition, and he said no. I became very concerned and regretted taking the path of breaking up. I had no clue. Now he's pushed me aside and has said very hurtful things to me. I've done so much research on depression/anger, and now as I reflect back, I see all the symptoms. I tried to talk to him, but his anger towards me is so severe that he's said hurtful and spiteful things to me. I have to believe that it's not him speaking, but I don't know what to do. I've reached out to his two friends to have them look over him. He was disappointed in that I would discuss these things with his friends, and I feel that I have been pushed even further out of that circle. I didn't feel like I had any choice. He mentioned that he has been depressed to the point where he's considered suicide. These were all serious concerns and that is why I felt that I had to tell someone in that circle since I've been pushed out. It's been one month, since I last saw him. We've had one or two emails since then, and an awful phone call where he screamed out that he didn't want to see me. I care so much for him. I love him so much, but I don't know what to do. I only wish that he could have told me all his issues earlier so that I could understand what he was going through, and perhaps support him on seeking help. If I only knew what he was struggling with, I would have been more patient and wouldn't have gotten mad each time he had these angry outbursts. Do they miss you after they've pushed you away? Do they think of you? Why do they tell you all of these things, then push you so far away?? I felt that it was a small cry for help. His two friends told me that he seems fine - same person as usual. Did I rally make him unhappy? Is he really happy without me? He told me that there was nothing I said or did that had any bearing on how he was feeling. If it wasn't me, what was it? He just wants to avoid everything. Is there anything I can do? I've reached out and told him that I'm here. I'm willing to listen. I love him and miss him so much. Please advise...

-- posted by Confused415