depression ruining a relationship..help!
- nixietink
- mcman
- Shay_Shay9
- Skull13
- anjact27
- Sascha
- Sascha
- Hopeless11
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» nixietink - Help out please
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. He has always had depression issues, and we both know he needs to see a doctor(which he is doing next week). But lately these past two weeks, we have really been struggling. He says he is in love with me, but he doesn't want to spend time with me. Or when I hug him, or kiss him, he is really stand offish, and doesn't like it. He says he is always awkward around me, and so when I call he won't answer the phone. He doesn't know why he is like this, and it really confuses him, but he wants to stay together. But it really is killing me. Is this because of his depression? Please help.-- posted by nixietink
» mcman - Re: Help out please
In response to message posted by nixietink:Hi, Nixie. You could be Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones rolled into one and he probably wouldn't respond, such is the nature of major depression. Each person is unique and every depression is different, so I won't say this is the case, but severe depression has a way of depriving people of even the best that life has to offer. Laughter falls flat, music fails to resonate, and the sun shines dim in the sky. Everything that used to give him comfort and joy is now a burden. All he probably really wants to do is pull the covers over his head and sleep for 20 years. You probably need to give him some breathing room, but at the same time he needs watching, as severe depression can be life-threatening. Keep in mind antidepressants take about six weeks to kick in, and the first one he tries may be a dud. You're the best thing he has going for him, and I'm sure he will show his gratitude when he pulls through.
-- posted by mcman
» Shay_Shay9 - Re: Help out please
I'm in the same situation as you are. But my boyfriend and I both have depression. He's closing himself off from me and is acting like a completely different person. If you need to talk, e-mail me at Shay_Shay9@excite.com. I know how you feel, he doesn't want my help even though we've been together for 3 years.-- posted by Shay_Shay9
» Skull13 - Re: Help out please
In response to message posted by nixietink:I've read your post a few times and the replies as they have come in. I have to ask as a man, the one question that seems to have been overlooked...did he have any problem in bed? For any man this is devastating. For a man already suffering with depression...it is a ticket to emotional hell, especially if it is the first time it has happened. I know from personal experience.
If this is the underlying cause, it could be a long time before he pulls himself together. A lot depends on his counselling and his peer support. Unfortunately, in a case like that (if it is) you would be the last person he'd think he wants to see. In reality, you are who he really needs.
Hope I haven't confused you too much. I am a Fibromite and I can ramble at times.
-- posted by Skull13
» anjact27 - Re: Help out please
In response to message posted by nixietink:dont bug him about it...It is because of the depression! I'm having a problem similar to his. I'm depressed and really like my friends (i want to stay friends)but i dont feel like spending time with them! It hurts...alot...
-- posted by anjact27
» Sascha - Re: Re: Help out please
In response to message posted by anjact27:I have a similar problem. It was suggested that my depression was "reactive" as a result of my boyfriend being diagnosed as bipolar. His mood swings cause me be wary of what mood he will be in when I get home from work, and when he is happy I wonder how long it will last before he's raving angry again. When I get depressed, the first thing to go is my sex drive and he doesn't understand.
I have always been the type of person that physically cannot have sex if I don't feel an emotional attachment with the person. I shut off completely and become frigid if the connection isn't there, and with the fear of his mood swings we drift further apart, making me less and less want to be sexually active. He feels like it's him, and worries I will cheat on him. He doesn't understand I couldn't possibly have sex with ANYONE right now, and if I did I would want it with him.
He says that he needs for us to be sexual in order for him to feel close to me and be happy, but I need him to be happy and close with me in order for me to want to have sex. It's a catch 22 and its killing us. Whenever he mentions sex to me, I freeze up and feel like I'm being pressured. I really don't know what to do. He just began the process of therapy and will be getting on medication for bipolar soon, and I just keep hoping that when he is more balanced I won't feel so pressured and worry about his mood swings to where I can relax and be comfortable with him again, thus bringing back my sex drive..
Does this sound reasonable or should I be trying to figure out a way to get help for myself now as well? I don't really have the means right now, since we're both very broke and have jobs that don't provide benefits, but we both make "too much money" for the state health insurance. (funny how that works, eh?) We're already looking at dishing out a lot of money for independent health coverage for him so he can get his help, and I really feel like I will come out of mine once his mood swings are more stable and he's finally relaxed.
I'm really lost and I feel like such a disappointment to him because I have to be so strong for him emotionally that can't be there for him physically. It's the root of most of our fights these days. =(
-- posted by Sascha
» Hopeless11 - Help please
I'm feeling rather useless at the moment. I don't even really know where to start. My boyfriend is depressed and stubborn, and it's hard to help him when he's set in his ways. For years I've been getting him out of his depression. Working hard to building a better relationship with him. His childhood isn't much to brag about, neither is my writing at the moment either. Everything seems so choppy but I can't seem to pull out my writing skills and show you how I truly feel about this.Now he's fallen into a more depressed state, I've been trying to bring him back up again but it's hard. He knows I love him, but he shows all symptoms of depression. He's not even sexually turned on by me anymore and he's starting to question his own sexuality because of it. Is this normal for the depressed? Or should I be worried? He needs to see a doctor, I don't know what to do. Please, someone that cares, email me.
-- posted by Hopeless11
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