Does He Love Me?

» SweetCmissesU - Does he love me?

I need to tell someone my story, I searched all for hours found this site. Here is it. I was a divorced single career mom, met the great single dad. We met though my best friend in 2001. We met, talked, laughed, he took me out, wined/dinned me, looked very promising. Started to talk sex, I told him I was not ready. I have always tried to be cautious, I was looking for a quality relationship. We talked about what we wanted in a relationship, he shared everything with me of his thoughts. He was saddended it didn't work out for he and his ex; he has strong family values. WE spent weeks together, days, playing together with our kids, going on outings. I had to leave for a "convention in Dallas" one week only. He was sad I had to go, but understood. I was anxious and excited to get it done and come back to him.

When I returned, he was gone. Like he died or something. His house was for sale and empty, no one answered his cell phone. I didn't get it. I hear crushed. However, thankful I hadn't given myself to him, I am very emotional and easily hurt. Well I tried for maybe 6 weeks to reach him bye phone, to no avail I moved on, but always wondering what I did? or what happend?

A few months later, my best friend found out that he sold his house, and asked his ex to marry him. All this in one week? I was sad, but tried to be objective, thinking about his strong values. I thought perhaps he needed this, to make it work for his son. I didn't agree, but respected it. I never seen or heard from him again.

4 year later, involved with another man from another country who I loved dearly at that time. I was preparing to move to that country as his visa for Canada expired. Low and behold, I recieve a call from my best friend, she said *** contacted her and is looking for me, needs to appolagize to me for what he did.

My lost love then calls me and tells me he's sorry for leaving as he did many years before, tells me he has always been thinking of me ever since. He has many regrets, he did mary the mom of his son, lasted less than one year. They had another son, but they are divorced now. They been divorced for two years. I tell him I am involved and moving out of the country, he seems devistated. Hoping he still had a chance with me now that he found me again.

One month goes bye, he calls leaves me a message for Valintines day.

2 months go bye I have not moved yet due to red tape. My lost love, pulls into my driveway unanounced. I am shocked but happy to see him, he tells me he lives close bye, that he use to see me pass his house everyday while he was married. I had no idea he lived on route to my daycare provider. We talk, share stories, pictures, I suddenly feel the feeling for him....bubling but don't say anything. He leaves, but first invites me to his sons birthday party that weekend at his parents house, as friends. He wants me to go.

I struggle all week weather I should go or not; I go to the party. Have a great time, his parents welcomed me as nice as before. He stares at me with that look; as though he missed me.

To try and shorten my story, we end up together at the end of the night, alone, bye the river, he confesses how much he loves me, always did, wants to marry me. Said he never really loved his wife, and regreted his decision. We end up making love under the stars on the dock. He being even more romantic than me, is like a love sick puppy.

The next few weeks are glorious, although now I totally messed up my relationship with my b/f waiting for me in the other country. However, thinking this must be right! I am bombarted with love,affection,caring,we spend all our time together. He's making plans to renovate his house for our kids. He can't go a day without seeing me or calling...oh the calling just to say he's thinking of me while at work. I am overwhelmed with emotion, and the love is wonderful. Even his family know we are together again.

Then I don't believe it,he's gone. No calls,no contact,no talking. I try to call, and visit his house. He's there but not answering the door. I don't understand what's happening I am confused. Devistated, hurt, saddened. He yells from the door for me to get lost he doesn't want to talk.

I don't hear from him for 2 months, now I am lost. I don't know what to do, I have to be honest to the b/f I left waiting. I completely ruined my stable relationship for someone who hurt me again, only this time extreme hurt.

Months later, he calls me again. He needs to talk, he comes over. I am sucked right in to his loving and tenderness again.

Again now disapears for a fw weeks no contact.

This time I am tired of hurting, I go to see his parents, his father and I talk. He tells me he is bipolar, I explain my saddness as I love him so much. He tells me just to be a friend to him, is all I can do. He in unstable in taking his medication, and drinking alot. Also, smoking drugs.

He comes back again, knowing I spoke with his parents, he asks me why I care for him so much? I told him, because I do! WE have the most wonderful weekend together, he has trouble letting me go home. Wants me with him, all night, all the time. When I do go home he calls and sais he cant stop thinking about me, wants me to come back. Then we have a talk, he's afraid of hurting me, afraid to use me. He sais it's not me, it's him and afraid he will only hurt me and that he can't guarantee we'll be together.

I leave and don't hear from him for months, I decide as broken as my heart is I 'll move on with my life. I take a new job overseas and decide to move. When he finds out I am moving, he calls me and tells me he needs to see me, but now I have heard he's been seeing someone else. I tell him he shouldn't see me. He sais he needs to make love to me one last time before I leave, for closure. As painful as I know it will be I allow it. We have a wonderful night, despite the talk afterwards. He tells me he has the best girl in the world and she's exactly for him. He wants to remarry and have another child. Is he saying to kill what's left of my heart? I don't know? Does he mean it? I don't know? in the morning he kisses me and leaves.

I am now living abroad and working here, it's been about 3 months since that night. I still hurt, I miss him and love him so much. I left without saying goodbye, I couldn't do it. I was still broken inside. I felt leaving was the right thing too do, as I just cant resist his affection when he's high. Now, I am trying to heal. I work, play with my kids, read alot of self help books trying to find a way to heal. I don't date, and have no interest. I am still friends with the man I hurt as a result of all this but there are no feelings for him. We are only friends. I sometimes dream about my bipolar lov, I wake up very sad. I am trying to get on with my life. Its seems unconsiously I keep wondering IF HE REALLY LOVES ME? Does anyone have answers to that? How can someone love so strong and intensely, then just push you away. I want to call him, to say hello see how he is doing? If he's ok. I am not sure if it's appropriate. I thank his father for giving me the information I needed, I know now it's not me. However, I wish I could tell him I still love him, and think about him often. Perhaps, in anther 5 years when he has gotten a better handle on his disorder, he will be better. I so want to reach out and tell him how much I love him and miss him.

-- posted by SweetCmissesU

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