Happening Again

» solarwind - It's been ten years since I was first diagnosed with depression

It's been ten years since I was first diagnosed with depression. I was placed on medication, graduated high school, then went to college. There I had a medical problem, and sank back into a deep depression. I got on academic probation, retroactively withdrew from school, and began to get my life back together. I started school again, and got a job. Then came two back-to-back body blows. First, I lost my health insurance, and could not afford to buy my medicine. Then I lost my job, and was challenged for my unemployment benefits. I eventually recieved my unemployment, and found another job. But I still began feeling hopelessness, despair, loneliness, and all of the other horrible feelings I remembered. Now I am flunking my summer semester at my new school. I am staying up until almost 3 a.m. I'm getting moody with my family and snapping at almost everything. I don't feel like doing anything and I'm afraid I'm going to lose this new job. I'm also afraid of what my family will think. They've been through so much with me already, and even if I do get better, we're still going to be wondering "when the other shoe will drop" (i.e.- when I'll regress again, my doctor said, with every "fall" the chances of "falling" again become much greater) My depression feels less like a "temporary" problem, and more like a "permanent" one.

-- posted by solarwind

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» solarwind - It's been ten years since I was first diagnosed with depression

In response to It's been ten years since I was first diagnosed with depression posted by solarwind:

What should I do? I feel horrible, and nobody online seems to want to help.

-- posted by solarwind

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