possibly bipolar?
- annalecta
- IMADAG2
- Sascha
- IMADAG2
- Joygirl1
- MobyMud
- jenn1245
- dinkidi
- jenn1245
- dinkidi
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» annalecta - Re: Re: Re: I need help
In response to message posted by Sascha:Hi, Sascha –
First – it’s incredible that you’ve convinced your boyfriend to get help! This is SO important, & SO HARD TO DO. It’s also the best thing for both of you. So give yourself a little credit here – lots of us have dealt with people who have some kind of mental illness & we haven’t managed to get them to that point. So you’re definitely doing something right. Also, the fact that he’s willing to go to the doctor is a good sign.
I’m no doctor, but it sure sounds to me like he’s bipolar – mood swings, fits of rage, desperate remorse, & then the whole cycle starts all over again. Of course, the doctor will need to do tests to make sure that there’s nothing wrong physically before giving a diagnosis, but from what you say, I think you’re probably right. The doctor should also know about the sleep disorder. I don’t know much about that sort of thing, but they might be related in some way.
Jeff is at least 200% right on what he says about your seeing a doctor. There are probably sliding-scale clinics in your area (i.e., the price depends on what you can afford). I know it’s hard & exhausting when you’re depressed, but if you possibly can, you should check the phone book & make a few calls. You need to take care of yourself – there’s no way you can be there for him if you’re not there for YOU.
If you’re feeling too isolated & don’t want to deal with strangers right away (depression can really make a person isolate – I’m dealing with that myself right now), you can always check the internet. There are some great organizations out there that provide support for family/friends of people with mental illnesses. They can give you a little online community. I’ve had good experiences with the Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance (http://www.dbsalliance.org/), but there are a lot of others out there as well.
There is help out there for both of you, & you’re more than entitled to it! Whatever happens with your boyfriend & you, just remember that YOU ARE A GOOD & STRONG PERSON, & need to stay that way. Take care of YOU. I’m just one of the many people on this site who care about how you’re doing. Please stay in touch!
Very best wishes,
AnnA
^..^
-- posted by annalecta
» IMADAG2 - Re: Re: Re: Re: I need help
In response to message posted by annalecta:I hope it works out for you, Sascha. I didn't want to try and "diagnose" your boyfriend..firstly, like Anna, I'm not a doctor, but also because signs and symptoms of mental illness are not easily pigeonholed..and there are real risks in speculating.
How will you react if its not bipolar. "...I don't want to leave him over an illness, but..."
The problems were not obvious when you met? Maybe the pot use masked a problem that is only now obvious or maybe it caused it. People can use pot to escape the pain and frustration of a mental illness. BUT there is also a marihuana withdrawal syndrome that includes the things you mention incl sleep disorders..maybe for a week or so. But who knows how long withdrawal will last for every individual. Scary..but with luck, no more problems IF...
I could guess and say you sound like you have reactive depression. Anna's advice will help prevent it becoming more chronic.
Take care.
Jeff
-- posted by IMADAG2
» Sascha - Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I need help
In response to message posted by IMADAG2:I understand what you mean. I wasn't trying to diagnose him, but I knew an acquaintance long ago that was bipolar she had similar mood swings, which is what made me think that it was possible and once doing research on the illness, I showed him the research and he said it sounded like the way he felt.
He said that he has felt this way all his life, but nobody really took the time to care, or listen... they just thought he was being a jerk or self-pitying when down and obnoxious when up. I am the first girlfriend whom he has ever lived with, and I think that's how I was able to put my finger on it. Anyone can take each mood in small doses, but living with it is intense, painful and hard.
The problems were not obvious when we met. He had been so unhappy for so long that when we met he was happy, and it lasted quite a while. Shortly after we moved in together is when the "other side" became clear.
Once we had been living together for a while, I started to see all of his mood swings. They were present even with the marijuana use, but not nearly as severe as it has been without.
The sleep thing has been there as long as I've known him. Even before we moved in together, when trying to call him while he was sleeping, I would have to call repeatedly and let the phone ring and ring. I felt weird about it, like i was being obsessive calling so much, but he told me to call until I woke him. Once the phone rang 100 times, and that was AFTER the 4th time in a row I called him.
Thank you so much for your support Anna and Jeff. It really helps to know I'm not alone.
~Sascha
-- posted by Sascha
» Joygirl1 - Re: I need help
In response to I need help posted by Sascha:I have a very long history of narcisstics/bi polar/manic men and women in my life. When I read your message, it struck me you are YOUNG at this which is not a bad thing however, it caused me concern for YOU, not your boyfriend. The pattern of the romance, the intensity, his ability to have full conversations and not remember any of it or little, and most important, YOUR sweet dedication to 'support him' while he gets 'help' are like neon signs that Co-dependency is alive and well in your relationship. Your depression IS, as you stated a direct result of being around him. He is unstable to say the least and manifesting it left and right. The heart and soul of a woman needs stability and trust. You have entered The Twilight Zone of a guy who is sucking you in Big Time! You are alone without friends too?!? Oh my Lord, Honey...not to give you more cause for alarm but 'Been there, done that, got the Tshirt'...visualize a alien living in your body, eating YOU for food, each internal part of you being slowly and painfully consumed until...Ok, you know, until you die. Sascha, you are a good soul! If you were my daughter, I would drive, fly or hitchhike to get you and bring you home!! I hope you put a date on this adventure with this disturbed guy. That's right, on a calendar (and without him knowing it)mark the DAY! You will know WHEN in your heart. Until then, do everything you humanly can do and PLAN. Save money if at all possible, don't tell him anything about that especially! A few dollars here and there...and when that date approaches, evaluate whether he has changed. Depression is a HUGE sign you are NOT with someone you should be with, especially without friends or family or support. YOU are worth a GOOD and healthy relationship, Sascha. You deserve to be treated like a queen. You SHOULD be, you know that in your heart. Please set that date and follow through...God Bless!
-- posted by Joygirl1
» MobyMud - Re: I need help
In response to Re: I need help posted by Joygirl1:It it very interesting that Joygirl1 mentions co-dependency then specifically states that she wants to help by bringing you home... And what is all that shouting (caps) about?
However I agree with the observation, not the treatment. Learn about what it means to be co-dependant, then decide what to do. Helping others isn't a curse, it is a blessing. Life is a balancing act of helping those that we can help, without loosing ourselves. Sometimes we have to let go... other times if the person we are helping is truly worthy (read: wants help) then we can be patient for a little while. If he gets violent and hits you, or you think that might happen, then it is a very serious problem and perhaps you should in fact leave without making a big deal about it. As Spock might say, let logic be your guide. Get informed, then make a decision.
How did the doctor visit work out?
Moby
-- posted by MobyMud
» jenn1245 - bi-polar boyfriend?
After reading a couple of others postings, I decided maybe I should also write in and see what people have to say. I have a boyfriend who I've been with close to a year now. Here is a few things I see very wrong...smokes pot all the time, even at 7am when I am getting ready for work, continues throughout the day and night.
when we first met he drank everyday, without telling me but I could smell it. finally it got to the point where i couldn't stand it and he has now pretty much quit. exceot for occasional drink when we go to dinner or special occasion party.
get SO mad SO easily. yells, screams. The neighbors have called the cops. We almost got kicked out of a hotel room.
moves his legs alot, like a nervous/anxious thing
i found pills in his pant pockets....researched what they were. plegine, which is a diet pill and vicodin, which is a prescription pain killer.
he is never mean to me.....always very loving.
very needy
very much controls what i do and don't do, but says he doesn't
has an inflated sense of self confidence/importance
i continually tell him he's high strung, acts like he's on drugs like cocaine, etc...he denies everything.
talks fast and gets excited.
sometimes he acts very normal, just chill and we get along.
he is very cuddly, affectionate, sweet, thoughtful.....when everything is going right.
i ask him ot leave or i don't want to deal with him right now and he flips out. his face gets red and he spits and argues the point until i finally give up and decide that maybe he's being genuine.
As I write this and put it all down on paper, I am suddenly aware of everything that is happening and not really sure what I should do. I've jokingly said about how he is a crazy and psychotic and maybe he should see a dr. he says no way
-- posted by jenn1245
» dinkidi - bi-polar boyfriend?
In response to bi-polar boyfriend? posted by jenn1245:Hi Jenn
Vicodin is a narcotic analgesic which is habit forming where he's likely to become mentally and physically dependent..and he's combining it with pot which he seems dependent on. Who knows if he's sticking to the prescribed amount and being regularly checked by his doctor given the dependency risk. His doctor also needs to know he's using pot which is counter-productive to the medication.
What caused the need for such a strong painkiller? If there's nothing like a serious injury to explain it, was it for getting past heroin addiction or something?
Unless he's obese, he's probably also abusing plegine the "diet" medication. This is also habit forming. "..Plegine is a sympathomimetic amine, which is similar to an amphetamine.." ie a stimulant.
Restless legs may be a side effect:
"..·restlessness or tremor.."
http://www.talkmedical.com/medications/4...
Q: The prescriptions are for him and by the same doctor??
Is he still drinking but using mouth fresheners...or was he really capable of giving up excess drinking when you asked him to..but can't stop the rest???
If he's driving, please understand pot stays in the bloodstream a whole lot longer than alcohol and the 'legal' medication may affect driving anyway.
Does he have a drug psychosis OR is it adverse reactions that will pass if he gets his dosages etc fixed up...OR does he have an underlying mental health problem like bipolar or schizophrenia etc that he deals with the pain of it all by turning to abuse of prescription drugs and pot?? Who knows.
If he spins you a yarn, he's being disrespectful to your feelings. If you really care and it seems like you do..and he has been listening to you then he really needs to get back to his doctor. Even if only to rule out the side effects and replace the habit forming drugs if possible, with better, less addictive ones.
Take care.
-- posted by dinkidi
» jenn1245 - bi-polar boyfriend?
no Dr. prescribed either. He got them from friends. The vicodin and plegine both, so he just uses them for the fun of it. he's not obese and has no pain...any serious pain anyway.....an occasional backache. i think he just likes drugs and alcohol and has an addictive personality that he can't control.I really can say he hasn't drank. His body holds the smell of liquor like you wouldn't believe. He could have one drink and i can smell it 4 hours later or even the next morning still. unless there is some miracle breath freshener out there that is masking it, I can honestly say he's not drinking. it was really making our relationship bad and i basically said if you don't stop, we're done. and i know this relationship means everything to him. i never mention the pot or cigarettes becasue I feel like I don't want to suddenly be like...you have to stop your every bad habit right now. that's a little overwhelming. I have my ways of going about it to slowly knock it all out. for instance, i just quit smoking and encouraged him to try with me, no pressure. so for a couple of days he tried and i kind of get upset if he's smoking around me so he's cut back ALOT. the pot thing, well, what can i do?? i've made my remarks about it here and there.
i thik there is definitely an underlying issue there.....i just don't know what.
-- posted by jenn1245
» dinkidi - bi-polar boyfriend?
In response to bi-polar boyfriend? posted by jenn1245:He's not mixing these drugs for "the fun of it". He's a drug addict by one definition..the overlying issue. The underlying issue can be anything. Sure, you don't want to be a nagging girlfriend but the option you are choosing is to give him permission..probably for much of the behaviours you mentioned earlier. The longer you approve it, the harder it is to tell him you want it to stop.
This is not a morality issue unless you want it to be. It's a high risk health issue. And he's got lousy 'friends' unless they're simply dealers & he's paying for the drugs..in which case, he's got less money to spend on you.
There's a thing called a drug psychosis but unless he can get clean long enough, no-one's going to be able to accurately work out what underlying problems he may have. I wonder if you know his true personality unaffected by drugs?
But good luck in your efforts.
-- posted by dinkidi
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