Couples Coping Tips
- Skull13
- Tery
- Skull13
- klockswife
- Skull13
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» Skull13 - Escape-avoidance
This is from the July-August 2003 issue of Arthritis Today, page 40.Couples Coping Tips by Marie Karns
Dealing with chronic illness can be tough, not just for a woman with fibromyalgia, but on her husband, too. And the way a husband copes with his wife's illness can impact both partners' health and well-being, suggests Arthritis Foundation-funded research from Indiana University Purdue University, Indianapolis.
Silvia M. Bigatti, PhD, and colleagues compared the physical and emotional health of 135 husbands of fibromyalgia patients with 135 husbands of women without the disorder. The husbands of women with fibromyalgia were more likely to use a coping method called "escape-avoidance."
"Escape-avoidance is problematic because you're not dealing with the situation," says Bigatti.
The men who were heavy escape-avoiders showed more signs of depression and stress, and their wives reported higher levels of pain, compared to others in the group, Bigatti says.
Bigatti offers these suggestions for couples who want to ditch the escape-avoidance mindset:
*Work on solutions. For example, if fibromyalgia interferes with vacation plans, find another way to get some rest and relaxation.
*Seek support. Schedule quality time for yourself with family and friends. Talk about how you feel or discuss your situation with other couples.
*Improve communication in your marriage. Discuss how fibromyalgia impacts each of you.
-- posted by Skull13
» Tery - Re: Escape-avoidance
In response to message posted by Skull13:Thanks Skull
Yes, it does have an impact on the other partner who doesn't have it.
My husband is pretty good, but sometimes he doesn't understand how sometimes I have all this energy and sometimes I don't.
My kids on the other hand expects "Mommy" to do everything and as a mom I tend to feel guilty.
-- posted by Tery
» Skull13 - Re: Re: Escape-avoidance
In response to message posted by Tery:Tery...I specialize in husband education! I tell them what it is like for men to have Fibro and tell them about the Men with Fibro site. You'd be amazed how it changes a man's attitude to learn about men having "A Woman's Illness."
-- posted by Skull13
» klockswife - Re: Escape-avoidance
In response to message posted by Skull13:It took my son leaving home for college and my beloved
finding things not done by me to realize that I needed help to keep things going. I am still working full time and the house work had been done with my son's help. Of course for years he had called the kid lazy not realizing his mistake. Now he is my staunchest supporter. He doesn't allow smokers to smoke in the house, runs errands for me and when I'm down for the count will has actual stayed home and hovered over me. My co-worker saw him after that episode and told him I'd told her how good helpful he'd been...his comment "our household needs two paychecks. I had to get her back on her feet!" LOL
Seriously,it took a long time for him to adjust but when I feel up to it I indulge his wishes--whether its going to the movies, supper out, or some good old fashioned loving! We are practicing kindness to one another since the disease does make you self-centered.
-- posted by klockswife
» Skull13 - Re: Re: Escape-avoidance
In response to message posted by klockswife:klockswife....everything you say is true, from his point of ted, you just have to decide for yourself what's right for you.
See if you can get he try go for it here. If not there's the Men's site and, of course, mine/
-- posted by Skull13
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