Letting Go of Unavailable People
Read the article this discussion is about
- joy2meu
- Sequoia78
- edge77628
- edge77628
- bdyabroudy
- drsexytexy
- ladeetee36
- ladeetee36
- Megt
- 11yearswasted
This archived discussion is "read only".
For the corresponding "live" discussions, post in the active topic forum here.
« Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »
» joy2meu - Re: how do you let go?
In response to how do you let go? posted by Tessa81:Tessa,
I don't know how I missed this post back in March - sorry about that. As I say elsewhere in these discussion, I only get to this page a couple of times a month, and anyone who wants to contact me is much more likely to hear back in a timely manner by going to my web site and e-mailing me from there. http://Joy2MeU.com/
I have a long discussion of letting go in one of my Update Newsletters - here is a quote from that Newsletter:
"Letting go in a major way - of a relationship for instance - is a higher level of the process. We don't let go of something that we have a strong emotional investment in and have the desire to have it back just disappear. The desire, pain, wanting, feeling of need, anger, whatever, associated with the lost dream comes back up - and we let it go again, and then again, and then again. At first maybe hundreds of times a day. As time starts to heal our wounds, gradually it doesn't come back up as strong or as often - so we don't have to let go as many times a day. (And the healing process is greatly accelerated when we are able to not shame and judge our self for the loss we have experienced, but rather look for the silver lining and be gentle with our self as we grieve.)" Joy2MeU Update Newsletter December 2003 http://joy2meu.com/Update_December_2003....
You might find that helpful to read.
Robert
-- posted by joy2meu
» Sequoia78 - letting go
I've been with a man for 11 months. We share so much intimacy emotionally/physically. Lately, I have had a change in my perception towards him. It's like I suddenly decided that this could be permanent thing. He pulls away then runs close. same old thing over and over. I want a comittment of sexual monogamy. simple. We live in different towns about 3 hrs apart. i have no problem with himmeeting other women, but if he is going to sleep with them I want to know so I can get out of the relationship or practice safe sex. I have asked him to answer whether he can make this commitment. He has not answered and it has been a week. He's avoiding the situation, why? Seems simple to me.-- posted by Sequoia78
» edge77628 - Re: letting go
In response to letting go posted by Sequoia78:It sounds to me like he does not know what he wants, because if he did, he would be telling you I think. Ask him flat out, why let him have it so easy, if he really cares about you in a way that would be permanant he would only want to sleep with you, That sounds like the reasonable thing to me. I just read a book at the library, he is just not that into you, I cannot say that about him, he should have given you an answer by now, and you do not deserve this. Why he is doing this, I dont know, but I think you deserve better. I called a friend, and she hung up on my and didn't get back to me, it really really hurt, let me ask you, do you think she is being a friend, I dont think so. and I have done most of the legwork, visited her in the hospital, at her mother's wake, sent her xmas cards, etc, food, hardly a thankyou, she can call me if she wants but I am going to let her know if she does how I feel, somehow I dont think she will. write back if you can, Karen
-- posted by edge77628
» edge77628 - Re: letting go
In response to letting go posted by Sequoia78:It sounds to me like he does not know what he wants, because if he did, he would be telling you I think. Ask him flat out, why let him have it so easy, if he really cares about you in a way that would be permanant he would only want to sleep with you, That sounds like the reasonable thing to me. I just read a book at the library, he is just not that into you, I cannot say that about him, he should have given you an answer by now, and you do not deserve this. Why he is doing this, I dont know, but I think you deserve better. I called a friend, and she hung up on my and didn't get back to me, it really really hurt, let me ask you, do you think she is being a friend, I dont think so. and I have done most of the legwork, visited her in the hospital, at her mother's wake, sent her xmas cards, etc, food, hardly a thankyou, she can call me if she wants but I am going to let her know if she does how I feel, somehow I dont think she will. write back if you can, Karen
-- posted by edge77628
» bdyabroudy - I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please
Just to clear up any uncertainties for anyone that happens to read this. I have said horrible things too, I've thrown her past in her face, I told my mom one night, "mom if i could only tell you the rotten things I've said, maybe you'd understand a little, but I can't because you would be ashamed at the son, the man you've raised." Yeah, I've said mean things too, I've messed up, I've been stubborn and I lied to myself a few times about what I really wanted,,,,it was wrong of me, and I've admitted it to you guys and to her. I've still got a lot of growing to do; I hope I've tried to clear up both sides of a story as best I can without going on for pages and pages, I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes too....Thank you guys.In response to I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please posted by bdyabroudy:
-- posted by bdyabroudy
» drsexytexy - I know exactly how you feel
In response to I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please posted by bdyabroudy:I have got to tell you that i am going through the same thing you are, but i am the nice one who gets treated like crap too. my recent ex always verbally, emotionally, and even physically abused me but i always came back for more. this time, he changed his number so i have not been able to contact him and it is driving me crazy. well, i noticed this was my second bad relationship and i kept wandering why i keep getting into these bad relationships and i figured it out, this may really help you. I am codependent. i look for others to make me happy instead of myself. the sex may be great but that is because it makes you feel good, it is not love. love does not talk the way she does to you or the way my ex talked to me. we are both codependent and need to find way s tro make each other happy first before we can make anyone happy. i have gotten into counseling and it works. we would never in a million years be right or live a happy life with these people because they are too mean and are the devil. well, maybe not the devil, but we deserve better than that. i struggle everyday becuase i miss him so much and want to drive by his house and call him every second. i just realized that codependency was the problem but the good thing about it is it can be fixed, it is curable. so leave her, and leave her for good because there is someone out there who won't treat us so horrible. they will appreciate the nice texts and wanting to be togehter all the time.
-- posted by drsexytexy
» ladeetee36 - I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please
In response to I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please posted by bdyabroudy:If you really want love, go and find someone who will give it to you, and not play with your emotions. I'm sure you deserve better than that... stop chasing what you'll never find there in her. Are you afraid of real intimacy? GO and find someone who can return what you can give! See a therapist who can help you work through your issues of not feeling worthy of REAL LOVE!
-- posted by ladeetee36
» ladeetee36 - I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please
In response to I'm not sure why I'm all messed up, some one help me please posted by bdyabroudy:see a therapist and finally work through your past and then you'll have a bright future!
-- posted by ladeetee36
» Megt - I guess I am codependent or lost
I am in a 2 year relationship with s sick man and I guess I am so sick to keep dealing with it.He is very emotionally abusive and makes me feel bad. I cry everyday and now I don't know if I am going crazy because the way he makes me feel.
I am the sole bread winner in the relationship. Most of our relationship he hasn't held a job. I left him, called the cops on him, he has been arrested several times and each time I think he will be gone for a long time he ends up right back and silly me I keep letting him back.
A little about me I am a successful educated woman. I am an aspiring plus size model so self esteem was never really an issue until I got with my boyfriend. He never wants to have sex with me I practically have to beg and cry for it. I believe he cheats on me, and he would rather look at naked women on his picture phone and get off on that than be with intimate withme and it hurts me so bad.
Everytime I approach him about it he turns everything back at me and gets angry. He tells me I have no business looking in his phone and I created my own problems.. It is going on 2 years and its always the same thing I asked him to leave and he says yeah and then does nothing. I feel so helpless and powerless I don't know what else to do.
-- posted by Megt
» 11yearswasted - I know exactly how you feel
In response to I know exactly how you feel posted by drsexytexy:I spent 11 years being a door mat. He would be great to every one would be there for them. He was never there for me when I need him. I spent years trying to understand him. I am in counseling also. I have just realized that I was in love with a narcissistic person and no matter what I did, no matter how great I treated him, no matter how great I did something it was never good enough for him. It was all about him and all the people he idoilized. What was so sad we could of had what they had and more if he would of been normal, a partner you know what we are all looking for. I found that him putting me down it made him greater. I was his life line, if that makes any sence. He still call from time to time,its been 3 month that I started breaking free I have been reading some great books that are helping me because I never want to be fooled/played again. The first book is The Courage To Be Yourself by Sue Patton Thoele and the other one is 10 Secrets for Sucess and Inner Peace by Dr. Wayne Dyer. So stay strong and do not talk to the ex's you know what fools we are for them and remember that a zebra can not change his stripes.......Take care from 11yearswasted...
-- posted by 11yearswasted
« Previous 1 2 3 4 Next »
Please follow the guidelines set forth in the Suite101 Posting Etiquette when adding to the discussion.