Adopter &quot;Breastfeeding&quot;

Top 2. Mar 27, 2002 10:11 AM

» teresasmom - Re: Just another way of having second best . . .

I can see that you have completely missed the point of the whole article. Let me try to convey my meaning to you here.

In no way was I discussing the subject of adoption. I'm quite sure that there are plenty of people here at Suite 101 that cover that topic; I am not one of them. Nowhere in my article did I say or imply that "adopters can give children the same thing that mothers can ..." as you stated - nor did I say the opposite. In fact, I purposely did not address that issue at all.

Why? Because I write about breastfeeding. That's it - breastfeeding. Not adoption, natural mothers, adoptive mothers, none of it. So everything that you are trying to imply that I was saying - which I most definitely WASN'T - is invented.

ALL I was saying - and all I am CONTINUING to say - is that you have TWO choices when you adopt a baby. You can give the baby formula, or breastfeed the baby yourself. Do you honestly think that FORMULA is better than BREASTMILK - no matter whose it is??

You say that it is "cruel" for a child to "leave the womb, the familiar smells and sounds and be placed on a foreign breast ..." But if that child is going to be adopted, then NO MATTER WHAT they are going to leave all the familiar smells and sounds and go to someone new. Why is it cruel then for the adoptive mother to give that baby the comfort of breastfeeding over a cold and impersonal bottle? On the contrary, it is comforting and soothing to the child.

I'm not getting into the whole natural mother/adoptive mother issues you raised in your comment. That's a subject for your own article. The fact remains that babies ARE and will continue to be adopted every day - so why not give them the best nutrition? Why should adopted babies be fed formula when they don't have to be? That's what I don't get about your comment. You seem to think it's better to feed formula. I'd truly love to know how you can say that with a straight face.

And I hope I don't have to spell out for you all of the nutritive benefits of breastmilk to the child. What I was offering adoptive mothers was a way to give their adopted children the same superior, unmatched nutrition of breastmilk.

As for a stranger not being "meant" to breastfeed, if that were so, they wouldn't be able to. It's that simple.

How sad that you have missed the whole underlying message of my article - the beauty of being able to breastfeed a child that you have adopted. I know a few women who adopted children and it broke their hearts that they had to give their precious babies the garbage that is in formula. If they had known this, they would have breastfed their babies in a heartbeat.

But I guess in your mind it is better to give junk food than the real thing? Frankly, I'm disappointed to see such a comment on this website.

-- posted by teresasmom

Top 3. Jun 27, 2002 1:54 PM

» redrose2086 - Re: Just another way of having second best . . .

I am so very sorry that your experience as an adoptee was so horrible. As a woman who is in the process of adopting a newborn, I am looking forward to the possibility of bonding with my newborn by breastfeeding. It is not different from slavery days when white slaveowner's wives had black women slaves "suckle" their babies. The point is the breastfeeding is best and it does not matter that the milk is coming from a non-birth mother. As a future adoptive mother, it is very important that I provide the bond with my child that his/her birth mother will not be able to give. Believe it or not, some birth mothers give their children up because they love them and they are ETERNALLY bonded to that baby, whether they breastfed or not before giving the baby away. You have just done a great disservice to all adoptive mothers who are working desperately to create a family bond with their children...I will pray for you.

-- posted by redrose2086

Top 4. Jun 28, 2002 11:16 AM

» kedito - Re: Re: Just another way of having second best . . .

In response to message posted by redrose2086:

Oh my. I happened upon this discussion quite by chance and am so saddened by the adoptee's judgement. A very dear friend of mine was adopted as an infant, and indeed she is eternally grateful to her birth mother for having the courage to try and provide the best life possible for her. Yes, it is sad that the best life possible was not with the birth mother, but what a sacrifice she made for the well-being of her child. And just for the record, my friends adoptive mother is HER MOTHER.

Was she breastfed or not, I don't know. But the point of the article, as the author stated, is not about adoption, but breastfeeding. Thank you for letting adoptive mothers know this is an option. And Redrose, thoughts, prayers, and best wishes go to you for adopting a child.

-- posted by kedito

Top 5. Apr 29, 2003 10:08 AM

» MomofM - Bonding Research

I am an adoptive mother who did not have the option of breastfeeding, but I am very interested in the bonding process between mother and child. To that end I am seeking new moms to be a part of a study on the development of mother/infant relationships. I am a doctoral candidate at the Derner Institute for Advanced Psychological Studies at Adelphi University in Garden City, on Long Island, New York.
The aim of my research is to gain a better understanding of the changes a woman goes through in the process of having her first child. The information gathered through this study might help mothers and those professionals involved with new mothers cope with the special demands of this unique time of life.
Basically I am looking for moms with infants under one year of age who are willing to fill out five questionnaires (total time: about one hour) and return them to me in a stamped pre-addressed envelope. (It is also possible to complete the study by e-mail.)
This study is completely confidential, no one's name nor identity will be connected to it in any way, and if a participant is interested, they may request the results of the study be sent to them when it is completed.
If you would like to participate or would like more information, please feel free to contact me by e-mail: NewMomStudy@aol.com
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Sincerely,
Shirley Arlt, M.A.

-- posted by MomofM