High Functioning BPD's
- 34years
- ghulkman
- 34years
- ghulkman
- ghulkman
- 34years
- Mutilated
- ghulkman
- 34years
- pizaluvr
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» 34years - Good Morning All & Thanks !!!!!
In response to Good Morning All & Thanks !!!!! posted by TwistedLogic:You are right TL, it really comes down to focusing on oneself. There's the place to learn, to grow, to know what's what.
Regarding the difference between BPD and NPD -- I have commented about that in this and one or two other threads before, I think. I have come to question whether BPD and NPD may be two sides of the same coin but are roughly gender-specific, NPD the form it takes mainly in males, BPD in females. Not exclusively, though, as there are significant overlaps between male and female behavior here as there are overlaps in gender behavior generally in many areas of life. BPDs often self-mutilate, NPDs do not, for example, which may say something about how males and females are enculturated. If you go down the traits one by one, you can see some evidence of male/female characteristics lining up as parallels between NPD and BPD, and kind of mirror each other. Sort of a research exercise.
Contrary to the above analysis, however, I often see in the commentaries various behaviors of BPD and NPD doing the exact opposite, that is, females who are Narcissistic, and males who are Borderline. In fact, I know a couple of female Narcissists who are definitely not Borderline in their behavior in any notable way, so there are certainly striking exceptions.
Whether or not there is any truth to my NPD/BPD two-sided coin theory, there seems to be a core of similar behavior in both disorders, with a few characteristics exclusive to one or the other. That core is of great interest to me because it may be central to many other serious problems, alcoholism among them. I often think it's possible that each separately defined personality disorder may be more than just a group of symptoms that have limited impact on families and social life in general. I wonder if it is entirely possible that personality disorders, or perhaps ONE TRUE CORE personality disorder may underlie all destructive social behavior. Perhaps the proliferation of symptoms that are specific to one or the other of the varied definitions are like the leaves on a tree, which we group on branches for convenience. If the differently defined disorders share a core mental illness, wouldn't that tell us something? And wouldn't it affect how we might research it, and treat it?
I just offer my non-professional musings on the subject. Take with a grain of salt, but it's interesting to speculate.
-- posted by 34years
» ghulkman - Good Morning All & Thanks !!!!!
Hi There "34" ....I've got to make this short as I'm leaving in
a short time.
"High Functioning BPD's" (which is what this entire discussion is based on) are the HARDEST
to "Pick-Out" (if you will). You have to be
VERY CLOSE to them & very OBSERVANT. Normally
only the VERY CLOSE "Caretaker" will ever receive
the "Wrath" of the High Functioning BPD.
The "Low Functioning BPD" is much more prone to
"Cutting" .... suicidal threats or attempts....
promiscuity .... "speeding" & very reckless behavior ..... alcoholism or drug abuse.
They're the EASY ones to pick out .....
Not The "High Functioning" .....
They ARE perplexing!!!!
Have a GREAT evening ALL !!!!
"Hulk"
-- posted by ghulkman
» 34years - Good Morning All & Thanks !!!!!
In response to Good Morning All & Thanks !!!!! posted by ghulkman:Hulk, you make a very good point. The high functioners leave us with little to point to when it comes to seeking validation in the outside world. They seem ok in many ways, and perhaps even are ok in those ways. My x and I, for example, managed an extremely long relationship, which is not common. He held a prestigious job for a lifetime, did not drink or abuse drugs, contributed to the community, established the occasional friendship. All of which belied what he was really like to live with. As high functioning as he was, many others recognized "there was something wrong with him," but no one else could see what I saw or was subjected to the level of abuse I endured. Even now, as I write, I get uncomfortable in the thought that others may not believe how awful those 34 years were and that I am exaggerating or blaming him unjustafiably -- that the problem is really me. It is a fearful sharing that I do, even here, where I know all of you have experienced the same frustrating and painful isolation. Shudders!
-- posted by 34years
» ghulkman - I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!!
Good Morning "34" .....I don't know HOW you lived with a BPD for 34
years!!!!!! I can't believe that you actually
DIDN'T end-up in a MENTAL ASYLUM !!!!!
To re-emphasize for new people just coming to
OUR site (believe me, we've EARNED the right to
call this site OURS) ..... "High Functioning BPD's" are (at the VERY LEAST) ..... Scary,
frightening, and very lethal & DANGEROUS!!!!
Always use CAUTION when "Engaging" with the
"High Functioning Types".
They certainly would not SHOOT you with a
revolver ..... but would "cold & calculatingly"
taint your Ice Cream with anti-freeze to kill you
over a two year period!!!!!
I know that's a little "Graphic" .... but please..
be CAREFUL with these people.
They are DANGEROUS to you!!!!!
"Hulk"
-- posted by ghulkman
» ghulkman - Comorbidity
Good Morning (Again) "34" ....I was "surfing" some other discussion sites
here at Suite101.com & read your interesting &
eloquent post under the discussion entitled ....
"Combination Personality Disorders".
Very nice post & very interesting comments &
insight from you.
Just to clarify quickly that the CORRECT term
for Combination Personality Disorders would be
COMORBID .... in psychiatric terms having MORE
than ONE personality disorder at the SAME TIME.
ALCOHOLISM (by itself) is a recognized DISEASE,
but NOT a recognized PD. Alcoholism (However)
could very well be one of the SYMPTOMS of these
various Personality Disorders we read about &
discuss on this & other sites @ Suite101.com.
Although my Father (still alive) WAS an alcoholic.. I am CERTAIN it was a result of
ONE or more PD's.
Thank you for your insight "34"..... having been
around mental illness as long as you have gives
your viewpoints & opinions much VALIDATION.
"Hulk"
-- posted by ghulkman
» 34years - I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!!
In response to I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!! posted by ghulkman:Thank you, Hulk, for your kind words, which are very supportive for me. I still need lots of that. Your query about how I lived with him all those years has a lengthy answer (my posts are usually lengthy) and I hope you don't mind how much I have to say. You can always skip it if it is too long, but I appreciate the opportunity to have my say.
How did I live with my x and his mental illness for nearly a lifetime? I have to give a small slight chuckle, not because it's funny at all, but because I managed to find ways to protect myself a good deal of the time. Even now, when I have occasion to interact with him, usually by email, I become this other person, careful, choosing my words, a little supply here, a small request there, not at all my usual spontaneous self. It's like walking a tightrope (or on eggshells) and you have to keep your balance, strike just the right pose. It's exceedingly uncomfortable, but it's also like riding a bike, you don't forget. I was once told by someone who worked for me but was also a friend that I had more control of my emotions than anyone she had ever met, which she could see when we were in negotiation together with a client. It surprised me because at home, of course, I was made out to be the crazy out-of-control one. It also made me think about it and I realized that except for those moments when I was pushed to the brink, I did have control. I had to. It was a silent, unrecognized, instinctual, and painful control and it saved my life.
But I learned this at my mother's knee, so to speak. It's been with me all my life and it is second nature. What saved me, and my brother, whose life parallels mine in so many ways, was that we somehow had this inborn knowledge that the problem was not with us. I don't know how I knew that, but I did. Luck is what saved me. Plain old fashioned good luck.
Of course, my x was not physically violent. His damage was psychological and emotional, which is also pretty scary and can be dangerous. If he had ever been violent, I can tell you it would have been a sort of blessing because at least I would have had the battle scars to show. As it was, there was nothing visible, all just blowing in the wind. As he got worse over the years, he got more confident in his ability to get away with things. This got him into a slew of trouble and much of it came back to me. Although it was painful to hear about his escapades with other women, or the risks he took with his colleagues that threatened his standing at work, it also told me I was not the crazy one. I helped him as much as I could, sacrificed much to support him even when I knew he was wrong -- in short I enabled him -- and what did I get for my troubles? He would castigate me for offering advice, which he took as criticism, and would crush me completely, and then do what I suggested without a backward glance or a thank you.
I did come close to being dangerously self-destructive with suicidal thoughts, but then I took steps to protect myself. Thank goodness. A lot of years and tears. Sometimes I feel I wasted my life with him. I know I will never get over the sadness of raising our children in that household, seeing what it did to them and knowing how much better it could have been with the right kind of parenting. But don't we all have these regrets in life? Mine are just like that, maybe a little more intense, but like that. We learn to live with our past mistakes and incorporate them into our future, having learned what is important in life. Best of all, I can appreciate the peace of mind I now own. I know that making money is not so important. Being ultra-intelligent is not so important. Appearances don't count at all. What is important is loving kindness towards one another. Sometimes I fail at it myself, wish I could have some moments back for changing even now, but I keep the thought as close as I can. That's all that counts.
-- posted by 34years
» Mutilated - Boring cases
Hi everybody!As usual, I read your self-ingratiating, moaning, contrite comments with disgust. Don't you folks realize that you're playing right into the hands of the psychological/psychiatric community with your laments? Confirming their pre-conceived or -how novel!- "latest, up-to-date, insights" into this so-called "disorder". Let me tell you something from my 46 years experience being me.
The so-called Borderline Personality Disorder afflicted individual only suffers from a "disorder" in the sight of the left-behind bovine, deliberate, boring normal everyday folks who represent what is often called the "salt of the earth". What in effect "borderliners" are is a mutation of the human race. A new, advanced species, if you will. Our suffering stems not from our Newness but from the Oldness of the Others. A sensitive, intelligent New Human MUST suffer in an environment still populated by the Old Humans. It's much how Cro-Magnon man must have felt being surrounded by the last vestiges of Neanderthal man. So, my friends, let's get it straight. It's not us who's sick - it's them.
Every report I've read from so-called "recovered" or even "cured" people or those gone "into remission" just makes it apparant that these individuals have given up the fight, copped-out and basically just thrown in the towel to become "productive members of soceity". What soceity do they mean? The soceity of the Old Humans, of course.
It's always saddening when a brother or sister gives up the fight. They lose their advanced, active and cool outlook on life. Where they previously were lean, trim and hungry they become fat, lazy and satiated. In order to save a modicum of self-esteem after copping out in this way they described themselves as being "normal" or "well-adjusted" or "at peace with themselves". They are not at peace with themselves. They are and always will be Borderliners! They are not at peace with themselves but at peace with Old Human soceity.
The theory is increasingly often advanced that Borderliners (New Humans) go into remission as they get older. But this ís the Big Lie that the Old Humans have invented to bring us down because they envy us. Indeed, they have gotten older. But only that and precisely that. They've gotten too old and weak and complacent to keep up the fight against the Establishment.
Guard against that ever happening to you, my friends! Keep yourselves lean, trim and hungry til your dying day. Don't let the turkeys get you down. Stay true to your wild emotions and your dynamic personality. Stay fit so you can stand the stress that being special places upon people like us: the New Humans.
It has always been the most difficult task for a positive mutation of a species to get itself established in the face of the Old. We must learn to see ourselves not as sick, "over-sensitive" shrinking violets, but exactly the contrary; a bold, new race of humanity struggling to establish itself on the face of this Earth. And therein lies the REAL cure, my dear friends.
As soon as you internalise the truth of what I have tried to delineate above you will immediately start to feel better as pride in what you are starts to manifest itself!
Psychoanalysis and its derivates are not a medicine of strength but of weakness. They try to get you to face up to your "problems" and "traumata" and all this drivel. Think again. Your so-called problems and traumata are not of your making but of theirs. The making of an old-fashioned soceity of wimps finally on the way out and trying to keep the new, improved humans down.
Be proud and stay proud to be "Borderline"! Never suck up or curry to the remnants of the Old. They will not reward you. You will be absorbed and that what you truly were and are will be disolved in the cloying molasses of their over-adapted social structure. Is this what you really strive for?
Regards and never give in!
Clem from Germany.
-- posted by Mutilated
» ghulkman - I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!!
Good Afternoon "34" ....I was actually going to respond to "Clem" from
Germany's post .... but.... well, need I say more.
"34" .... you have been posting on this & many
other sites here at Suite101.com for much longer
than myself & I'm sure some others posting here
as well.
As you are well aware BPD is based on Fiction,
"Un Truth's", deceit, lies, manipulation, denial,
witholding, blaming, unaccountability & total
LACK of respect not only for ONESELF (the BPD)
but for ANYONE & EVERYONE around them. For the
BPD ..... the other "Person" is just a "Vehicle"
(if you will) to get them from point "A' to point
"B" in ANY given situation. ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED are merely "Coping Mechanisms" for
the Borderline to merely "Exist" in the REAL
world. There is NOTHING real or authentic about
the Borderline. It's all a facade based on
appearance, fantasy, "Smoke & Mirrors" and a
foundation of SAND...... a "House of Cards" ready
to come "Tumbling Down" at any time .... usually
on the unsuspecting VICTIM of the Borderline.
Once we (victims) actually figure out "What went
wrong" ..... it's all SO SIMPLE to see & figure
out the BPD "Puzzle".
When you have gotten to that point .... Like "34"
has (and also myself) ..... then we once again
deal with the Borderline just like we deal
(or dealt) with our children.
We ONCE again can maneuver (sp) the Borderline
To do what we want them to do (or not) .... but we
MUST carefully choose WHAT we say & HOW we say
it..... because the Borderline will still coil
& strike (much like a cornered rattle snake) when
the NEED (in the borderline) arises.
So .... in that sense .... we can NEVER let our
guard down.... mainly because of the instability
and unpredictableness of the Borderline.
"Hulk"
-- posted by ghulkman
» 34years - I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!!
In response to I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!! posted by ghulkman:Hulk, part of the BPD/NPD compensation is delusional. I've seen it before.
-- posted by 34years
» pizaluvr - I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!!
In response to I don't know how you made it 34 years!!!! posted by 34years:Hulk, 34, TL, Christabel,
I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend!!!!
Looking forward to posting next week.
Pizaluvr
-- posted by pizaluvr
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