High Functioning BPD's
- christabel1956
- 34years
- 34years
- sweetgrass
- christabel1956
- 34years
- TwistedLogic
- 34years
- ghulkman
- pizaluvr
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» christabel1956 - Narcissism Discussion
Hi all,I keep hearing about this N site...would love to add, but not sure which discussion to join in on.
To my horror, I am watching my oldest daughter embark on her first relationship. She is 24, and has had such paralyzing fear of intimate relationships that she has not allowed anyone near her heart...until now. Her boyfriend is a very kind and gentle soul. I don't believe that he has any N traits. Not even close. But I am realizing that my daughter's belief that all men will eventually disappoint her with their self centeredness...that tragically...she is setting up scenarios so that this dear boy is bound to fail. She actually creates situations so that he will disappoint her without even realizing what is happening. Fortunately, she is a very wise young lady and can clearly see what is happening. However, it troubles her greatly. She expects him to get fed up and abandon her. Which again would be par for the course.
My daughter is one of the loveliest dearest people on this earth. As a mother, I can not describe the grief of seeing the aftermath...yet again...from having children with an unmitigated bastard.
I wish for one second that he could absorb the crap that he has passed on to his beautiful daughters.
With a heavy heart,
Christabel
-- posted by christabel1956
» 34years - Thanks 34
In response to Thanks 34 posted by sweetgrass:
Hello Sweetgrass. And Cristabel, please take note!
I used to post on the Vaknin NPD site, but he has the ability to delete posts at will and he does so from time to time when something threatens him, very disconcerting. He is himself a self-proclaimed Narcissistic Personality, writes prolifically on malignant Narcissism, and then behaves like one of those he describes. You tell me if that is a healthy place to be for those of us vulnerable to being twisted around and generally demeaned by Narcissistic people. So I returned to this site, where I first began posting. It deals with BPD, but also NPD and personality disorders generally and I am very happy to be here.
There is always a risk that those who post are not who they seem to be, which is true on any posting/discussion site. Usually, however, true colors eventually show and in the meantime we take each other at face value. So far, for many months now, the people here have been helpful, caring, and willing to share their stories freely. No trust has yet been broken, and I have faith that it won't be. I don't think anyone would disagree that you are welcome to post here even if your concerns are about NPD more than BPD. As for me, I won't post on the Suite 101 NPD site as long as it is associated with the same host. I don't know why anyone continues to post there knowing what they are in for. If you are looking for information, support, and just plain sharing, welcome here.
Some time back on this very discussion thread, I put forth the theory that NPD and BPD are two sides of the same coin, the NPD being the mostly masculine version of the disorder (most NPDs are men,) and BPD, the mostly feminine version (most BPDs are women.) Now I am just a lay person, but I have done some reading and some thinking and have seen up close both disorders in members of my immediate family, so I believe I can speak with knowledge. If you compare the two disorders, you may see what I see. Even my therapist agreed there may be something to this. So posting here makes a lot of sense to me either way.
The effects of these disorders seem to be very similar in those of us exposed to them, so the precise causation may be less important than how we overcome our own vulnerabilities and hurts at the hands of those who actually harbor the mental illnesses. Finally, the discussions here allow us to look into ourselves not only for causative factors, but for healing ones as well. And looking within is what it's all about. Only there can we effect change and achieve peace.
-- posted by 34years
» 34years - Narcissism Discussion
In response to Narcissism Discussion posted by christabel1956:Christabel, there is no anguish so deep as watching one's child suffer and not being able to make it go away. Nothing can compare. Having children contains this painful possibility, and when it comes to pass, consolation is a distant harbor. I hope that knowing there are those of us out here suffering the same anguish will bring some relief to you. Receiving the understanding of others helps, I know that only too well. All we can do is control what we are allowed to control, which is ourselves. It always comes down to that. Take heart.
-- posted by 34years
» sweetgrass - Thanks 34
In response to Thanks 34 posted by 34years:Dear 34,
You are right that at times, he does delete certain posts, and he is a narcissist, but whatever...actually, he is not really part of the discussion there except to occasionally insert websites to read from.
I will say though, that the people who post at that site, have a lot to offer each other. If you would read the posts right now (narcissist victim and narcissist abuse) I think you would be pleased with the quality of the posts and support that others are sharing.
If you read the posts regularly, you can usually read whatever he is going to delete anyway. In my experience, he mostly deletes the posts where people are starting to fuss or criticize one another.
I won't defend his narcissism, but for whatever reason he has written his articles, I will say that they helped me immensely to understand what was going on and that the site has helped me survive through abuse and a break - up. Sometimes truth and help can come from some strange places. How ironic that I would find help on a site created by a narcissist. But I am glad I am not alone and have had that support because I know what it feels like to be isolated and alone in it with no understanding. It has helped me more than I can say. A very strange twist that I was helped by a narcissist, but I was. It is a gathering place of others who have been in it and it has saved so much of my sanity to be with others that know what it is like.
-- posted by sweetgrass
» christabel1956 - Thanks TL & 34
Good Morning my Dears,I must say a simple thank you. Thank you for your grace and your eloquence. Thank you for never being judgemental. Thank you for sharing your reality with humor and dignity. Thanks for being real.
It is comforting to come here to purge, absorb, concentrate and ultimately gain wisdom. I am a kinder gentler person because of my trials and tribulations. I am always humbled by my company and the unanimous quest for salvation and peace.
I work in a large day spa salon where we are often the "hot bed" of gossip and heresay. As I gain perspective of my own life (ie marriages, children, childhood, mental health) I find myself tip toeing around judgement and conclusion. So I find myself saying, "thank you" for every opportunity to feel pain, survive it, and be a source of stability for another in need.
I know that you have been that source of stability for me...I pray that I can and will do the same for you.
Thank you...with deepest regards,
Christablel
-- posted by christabel1956
» 34years - Thanks 34
In response to Thanks 34 posted by sweetgrass:
When you are thirsty, water is always welcome. Pure clean water is best, don't you think? Tainted water may taste good, but it can make you more thirsty than ever -- or worse. If in doubt, look for another source, and they are certainly available. Take care.
-- posted by 34years
» TwistedLogic - It's A Hot One!
Hi 34:Yup...I am Canadian and we bitch about the cold weather and we bitch about the hot weather. It give us a way to vent!
Just dropped in here to catch up and I must say, great posts my dear friend.
Christabel:
I hear your pain and I understand your feelings. My daughter now 35, lost her father when she was 10. The pain of loving and losing has affected her whole life. She is a lovely girl but always guards her heart. It is a frantic way to live and then of course she has just seen her mother fall for a N. Not very encouraging.
She always claims she is never going to marry or have children and hopes I am not disappointed. I have assured her I won't be but in my "fairy tale" brain I always hope for a miracle!
I hope you have a good weekend and please know that I value the friendship and love on this site.
TL
In response to Thanks 34 posted by 34years:
-- posted by TwistedLogic
» 34years - Thanks TL & 34
In response to Thanks TL & 34 posted by christabel1956:
Christabel, your thanks are most welcome and appreciated, but remember that your contributions have been tremendously interesting, helpful, and enlightening -- so thanks back!
Gorgeous day here in New England, going outside!
-- posted by 34years
» ghulkman - Hello To "All" Here at my Favorite Web site
Hello "All" .... Christabel, 34, Twisted, Pizza,Sweet & all others here !!!!!!
Once again life has put one of those "Stumbling
Blocks" in my "Path of Recovery". Lost my job
on July 31st ..... so I've been away for a while.
I won't get to post on a daily basis like I was
when still employed daily ..... but I'm still with
you in "Mind" & "Spirit" like I always HAVE BEEN... & always WILL BE !!!!!
Your friend ALWAYS in Recovery !!!!!
"Hulk"
-- posted by ghulkman
» pizaluvr - Hello To "All" Here at my Favorite Web site
In response to Hello To "All" Here at my Favorite Web site posted by ghulkman:Hulk,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your job. Stay hopeful that this will lead you to a better opportunity. I'm sure you will bounce back. Are you still in the communications field? I remember you posting about working for a radio station. Who knows though, that may have been in my darker days months ago, and I could be totally wrong. Are you going to seek employment in the same field? Maybe this is a sign to do what you want if you aren't already doing it. It's good to hear from you. Keep in touch and good luck with your job hunt. Hang in there!!!
Pizza
-- posted by pizaluvr
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