Elderly Bpd

» maryfriend - my mother

Hi. I'm new. After taking the NAMI family to family course on mental health, I'm pretty sure my elder mother has had paranoid borderline personality disorder all her life and now as her arthritis increases and she lacks sleep, the paranoia is getting worse. She is always asking for help, and then refusing it, and she makes constant accusations.
I feel a bit dumb because for most of my adult life, I have just thought she was difficult and getting older, perhaps senile. But after taking the course, I began to realize that she was probably ill when I was a child too. Once she accused me of faking a report card (a very good one), slapping me and telling me no teacher would ever say that any parent would be proud to have me as a child as my teacher had done.
When I was in university, she beat me up just before my first exams. At other times, she was great or at least I think she was.
Somehow I always did well anyway. I grew up taking a lot of abuse from her and even now she just says I am the problem.
It is hard because she is alone, elderly, and needs help. I am trying to divert her towards professional help, but she is too paranoid to accept it. Any words of wisdom? Thanks.

-- posted by maryfriend

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» wombat8 - my mother

In response to my mother posted by maryfriend:

I went to a website to check out this 12-week NAMI course. As PDs are not mentioned, I'm not sure how it would be comprehensive on any personality disorder nor whether your mum truly comes within the ball park of BPD or what you descibe as "paranoid borderline personality disorder".

But look at it from her perspective. IF she doesn't believe she's got a problem, why would she seek treatment? Would you? This wouldn't make sense objectively particularly as you say she thinks you've got the problem. This is not necessarily about her being "paranoid" but maybe her lacking insight.

There's a great book that explains this type of insight: 'I am not Sick I Don't Need Help' by Xavier Amador.

But then you say: "She is always asking for help, and then refusing it, and she makes constant accusations." Depending on the help needed, wanted, asked for and refused..this might suggest another mental illness.

If the help she is seeking is critical, maybe this is a point you can start with...at a time well away from her refusals. Does she go to the doctor for other reasons? Can the help she needs be discreetly given another day despite the refusal?

Is she at risk of injury to herself where she may really need intervention despite her wishes? Talk to your local mental health team?

-- posted by wombat8

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