My husband will never accept my kids
- jschrock13
- stampp2
- jschrock13
- stampp2
- slnice
- slnice
This archived discussion is "read only".
For the corresponding "live" discussions, post in the active topic forum here.
» jschrock13 - Blended family in crisis
I've been married 16 months and separated for 10 of those months. The reason for the separation is because of my kids ages 13 and 10 from my prev.marriage. He has a daughter(14) from his prev. marriage. I treat his daughter like one of my own. My kids (according to my husband) will never learn to behave. I had been a single mother for 7 years and worked 2-3 jobs to make ends meet before I met my husband, so, yes, my kids are lacking in the discipline department. I admit that. It that a reason for my husband to move me(7 mnths pregnant) and my kids out? We were working on getting a handle on the kids when we lived there, but he said he couldn't take it anymore. The problem, I believed, stemmed from my husband not having a personal relationship with my kids. He ignores them, doesn't have a conversation with them about anything, and the only time he speaks to them is when he is correcting them. Or course they resent him and don't feel like he wants them around. He says that THEY need to behave in order to EARN his attention. I do not agree with this at all! We are the parents and we need to set the example, not the other way around. I truly believe that he will never accept them, but struggle with not wanting another divorce especially since we have a 7mnth old son together. We don't even live together so what kind of marriage is that anyway? I do and will NOT accept the fact that we would be together if it weren't for the kids(my kids). This is not what a marriage is all about. We have saught help through our Church but have not been in a while. So do we continue to be married and live apart until my kids are old enough to move out? Yes, I know...that sounds ridiculous! I am a Christian and do not want a divorce, but how long do I continue to live like this? P.S. I moved 80 miles from my family and friends to marry this guy! HELP!-- posted by jschrock13
» stampp2 - Re: Blended family in crisis
Honestly...Well, it sounds you have been apart longer than together. I do not believe that being Christian has any bearing on how he treats the kids. No child especially, your own should be put second place. If you already have children, from a previous relationship, obviously, how important this relationship really is.Children learn from examples...what kind of things are they learning from this situation...
If this children were not use to discipline in the first place, then more time should of been taken before having any more kids. To me, the signs must of been there before you got pregnant, and before you got married.
I am sorry, but I raised my 2 boys alone too. Their father passed away, and there is NO way I would put up with anyone treating my children wrong...
----He says that THEY need to behave in order to EARN his attention.---- Ok, big red flags are up in my mind... No child deserves this behavior...and how long has this been going on for them...
Your already acting like your not married by living apart...
You children have already witnessed his behavior towards them.
Personally, Christian or not, your kids and your life should come first. Move on... If you feel your own children need discipline, then YOU WORK on it, before bringing another man into it, and another child...
-- posted by stampp2
» jschrock13 - Re: Re: Blended family in crisis
In response to message posted by stampp2:Thank you for your honest response to my letter. My main focus since my husband and I have been apart has been my kids and working on getting them to listen to me better, not for him, but for me. Yes, we have been apart longer than we have been together and no the baby was not planned, but he now is part of the equation. The bottom line is that he did not accept my kids from the beginning and yes the signs were there but I ignored them. Thats my own fault. I am now in a situation that I (we) either need to make work or forget about it and give up. All the signs are there that he will never develope a bond with my kids and I will not be with a man that won't. My kids happiness is crucial to me being happy as well. I have never put my kids aside to be with my husband, thats why we are living apart now. Honestly, had I chose to "give up" my kids to their father, (which I would NEVER do!) I believe my husband would have been okay with that and I would still be living with him. What kind of man is he? I know the answer to that but I sadly keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and hope and pray that he will change. There have been times when I believe he will, but it all comes down to the way I feel when he's around them. Its not a good feeling. I would never push my kids aside to stay married to him and I will not continue to live apart and have him reap the benefits of having a wife and not having to deal with the everyday kindof of stuff. I have discontinued being intimate with him (just recently) just to see if there is anything other than that that we share. But he must ultimately accept my kids, good and bad, before I would ever consider moving back in with him. I will not, however, wait forever for this to happen. It shouldn't be this difficult.
-- posted by jschrock13
» stampp2 - Re: Re: Re: Blended family in crisis
I am glad your not fuming mad at me. I was just trying to be honest. I did that kind of relationship before too. Living as roomates... YUCK... Personally, it didnt last long.Find yourself a life with the kids, and alone. Find some friends and have a social life...
Your kids need you to be happy... They will understand no matter what choice you make...
Becareful, and good luck! I am thinking of you...
-- posted by stampp2
» slnice - Are you a stepparent or stepchild having trouble adjusting?
If you are having trouble with blending families and think you could use some help, I have the help you need. Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist that is ready, willing, and able to help. He is working with WarnerBros. television on a new kind of talk show and we'd love to hear what you have to say! Please feel free to contact me if you'd like help with your family or just to give an idea. You can call Stacie at 212-506-4347 or contact me via email at tvtalk06@yahoo.com-- posted by slnice
» slnice - Blended family in crisis
I'd love to talk to you more about the problems you and your husband are having. I have a wonderful psychaitrist named Dr. Keith Ablow who maybe able to help. He has a new talk show with Warnerbros and is ready to help you! Please feel free to call me, Stacie at 212-506-4347 or e-mail me at tvtalk06@yahoo.com
In response to Blended family in crisis posted by jschrock13:
-- posted by slnice
Please follow the guidelines set forth in the Suite101 Posting Etiquette when adding to the discussion.