Step Kids wars

» Lahlon - Step-kid wars

My wife and I have been together for 5 years married for 31/2, this is my first marriage and her second she has two boys (11 & 14) from that marriage.

When we first met and were married both boys lived with the father in another state (8 hr drive away) As long as I've known her the ex-husband has done everything possible to keep her from seeing and talking to the boys, without going into detail we have taken him to court several times to stop the problem, but he always pushes issues to the brink, including the boys have told us telling them (and having his 3rd wife tell them) that there Mother didn't love them, etc.

Two years ago the oldest son came to live with us, after much fighting with the ex-husband. This seemed to settle things down somewhat as the ex could no longer be as bad as both of them had one child, though he still did little things like show up for drop offs a hour late etc. The relationship between the step-son that lives with us and I was in my mind very good, we got along we had very few arguments, etc. and while it was an adjustment it seemed to workout pretty well. This past Aug. after the younger son had been home with his Dad for a week after summer vacation my wife was called and told (by her ex) that the younger son was driving him crazy, crying for his mother, etc. and he couldn't take it anymore so if she wanted him she could make the 8 hour drive to get him and pick him up (of course no help from him)

The youngest (he is ll) and I have never had a close relationship. He is very spoiled, he has and has had anxiety issues (we have him seeing a therapist for this) and demands to be the center of attention constantly, especially from my wife. I thought (erroneously) that with him living with us in a more structured environment we could solve some of these behavior issues. From the day he has arrived our family has gone from fairly normal to one that wallows in chaos constantly. He simple will not listen he has been told things literally 100x and still will not do them. He is so very clinging to my wife that she literally can not go to the corner store that he does not call her on her cell phone. He and his brother fight constantly and I after having yelled at his brother perhaps 5 times in the 18 months he had been here now find myself yelling (and cursing) constantly.

I have tried over and over to get my wife to be more or a disciplinarian with the youngest so that there can be some consistency and change, but she simply will not do it. I know she feels guilt after being away from him for so long but as I have told her again and again she isn't helping him by encouraging this dependency on her. She constantly tells me I am too negative and yell too much with the younger one but last night was a perfect example of why I feel the need to yell. I spent 15 minutes explaining why they needed to be a bigger help to the Mother around the house(for the 40th time), and why they were being punished because of bad grades (report cards came yesterday) and I had no sooner walked down the hall then they were screaming and fighting and ignoring what I just said. This goes on constantly, and and as I was yelling at them my wife came in and told me to stop yelling I was being to harsh, this of course led to a blow up between us and I slept in the other room.

The latest issues is for the last 6 months or so the oldest has been pushing to move back with his Father (only reason given is he misses him) we know that the Father has been almost as long as he as been here pushing him and laying guilt on him (the ex seems very good at this, as he did it to my wife for years) to come back. My wife doesn't want to let him go,(feels he will end up like his father - no education, dead-end job, etc.) but knows if she doesn't he will be angry at her especially as she told him she wouldn't keep him from going. I know where she is coming from, but I have come to the conclusion that if he doesn't want to be here I frankly don't want him here either. She wants to make him stay till the end of the year, my position is why...if he wants to go and she is going to let him then go now. - Let me also say that the ex husband pays us No child support and in the 2 years that the oldest has been with us has never once come down to see him.

I apologize for the length of this message but I am at my wits end and am starting to consider separation, I can not live with this constant turmoil and as much as I love my wife don't want to continue with this pattern.

Thank you in advance for any advice.

-- posted by Lahlon

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions

» shawn357 - blended family

My husband and I was dating three years before we got married. He has one daughter (9) from a previous relationship and I have two children from a previous relationship ages 11 and 9. Things was great before we got married, the kids was always together enjoying themselves.

The problem is since we've been married the kids are always fighting when they are together. My husband gets his daughter every other weekend. Things are smooth until my husband's daughter comes over. She'll tell my husband that my kids have done something to her, then he gets upset with my kids not knowing if they really did what she said they did. When things like that happen it causes conflict between him and I because I have to constantly tell him that he can't continue to get in the children's arguments.

Remind you that my husband and my children get along until his daughter comes over. If his daughter doesn't get her way she gets mad.

I need to know how resolve these conflicts between the children and my husband.

Thanking you in advance

-- posted by shawn357

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions