I Love Him, But He's

» Harmony1972 - I love him, but he's my boss.

Let me start by explaining some about myself. I am a 34 yr. old mother of 3. I was married 9 years to a very abusive and mean man. I didn't believe in divorce. The preacher at my church finally convinced me to leave this marriage. Which should tell you just how bad it was, for a minister to encourage you to go to a shelter and file for divorce. I left in April of 2004. Divorce was final in June of 2005. I have not dated or anything since I left him. I moved to a small town where I have some family. I now have a job with a very small company. Im the secretary/office manager. Ive worked there over a year. It is a good job and pays well for such a small town. I am embarrassed to tell this but, I am so in love with my boss that I almost can't stand it. I know how that must sound, but it's not like that at all. There has been nothing "inappropriate" at all between us, only work. He is a friend, but only at work. We have had lots of conversations about each others lives and stuff. He is 17 years older than me and he's been married 4 times. Yeah...I know that sounds awfull too...but once again, it's really not as bad as it sounds. When I first started there, I thought he must be a really bad guy to have been married 4 times. Now, I think there are men that are attracted to the wrong kind of women, just like there are women that keep picking the wrong type of men. I grew up in a home where my mom and I were abused by my dad. I would have never thought that a man could be on the receiving end of abuse and sorrow, before getting to know this person. He separated from his last wife last June. He says he hoped she would love him enough to go with him to marriage counseling and work on the problems. She was pretty much never there for him or with him, and used him for what he could do for her (No, Im not talking about sex or money). She was cold, unloving and had lots of issues. He wanted them to get back together. He wanted her to love him. She filed for divorce. It was final earlier this year. He is a faithful christian man. He doesn't flirt. He's very polite and well mannered. He's kind and honest. He works hard and spends any free time with his family, (adult) kids and grandkids or working in a non-profit charitable organization which he's a member of. Every quality that I ever wished (and prayed) my ex-husband would possess or develop, I see in this man. It's like...everything that my husband wasn't. I dont know why this man doesnt have a good wife. I know you never really know someone untill you live with them, but since I spend 8 hours a day dealing with this person, I feel like I know him pretty well. I actually trust this man, which for me is pretty miraculous. I have not told him how I feel about him. He does not know. I dont want to be inappropriate or forward. I also dont want to jeopardize my job. I need my job. On the other hand, I can't imagine going on thru my life knowing that I had known a man like him and didnt even tell him how I felt. I so much want to talk to him about this, but I am very afraid it would lead to problems in the job. My kids are finally adjusted in this town and we are doing pretty good. I would never find another job that is comparable to this one, in this small town. Plus, after falling in love with the boss...who would even hire me at another job! They'd just figure that I was some kind of flirt or trashy person. I have never flirted with him. I am very professional at my job. It's not because he is the boss that I feel this way for him. It is because of what kind of person he is. I cant believe it. I didnt know a man like this existed. Ive never known anyone like him before. I dont want to be in love with the boss. It seems very sleazy. Im not like that at all. I just work, go to church, and take care of my kids. I dont think I will be able to stop loving this man. I have trouble sleeping because of all this. I feel very, very confused and somewhat helpless. Any feed back or opinions, would be wonderful to me. I dont have anyone to talk to about this. I have told my mom, who thinks it's wrong to be in love with an employer and someone that much older. Maybe it is. I know it would sure appear to be wrong, to people in this town. Please give me your opinions. I would like to know what you think.

-- posted by Harmony1972

Permalink Print Discussion Join the latest discussions