Children's Loyalty to Birthparents: One View

» rahunter_nf - A great attitude!

I don't look at her questions or need to talk about these issues as a negative. Every time they come up, I feel a sense of satisfaction that I've learned enough to provide the "table" for her to build her "puzzle."

Maybe I'm an odd one, but I don't feel any threat when we talk about Irena or when I think about my role in relation to Irena. I'm Hannah's mom. I'll always be her mom. But Irena's existence will always shape our view of our life together. And that's ok

A great attitude! Thanks, Susan, for sharing this aspect of Hannah's and your life with your readers. In my opinion, it is a good model for all adoptive parents to follow and should be a source of encouragement to them.

Like Hannah and you, my daughter and I used to have many serious talks when she was growing up. We also used to share our writings with each other. Out of curiosity, does Hannah read your articles?

-- posted by rahunter_nf

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» Kassper - My own loyalty.

I was adopted at birth by a loving, yet odd family. :-)

Growing up I always knew that I wasn't blood related to these people that I called Mom, Dad, Brother, Aunt, Cousin, Grandma, and Grandpa. Somewhere in this world was woman who gave birth to me, and had other kids of her own. My biological father never knew of my existence, and might still not.

As a teen I went through a period of hating my biological mother, believing that I was such an awful person that she hated me on sight and couldn't deal with a monster that was me so she handed me over to someone else to raise me. Thankfully, that passed and now I see my biological mother as a noble and wise woman who knew that if I lived with her I'd lose out on any chance of growing up with some sort of successful future. She didn't have the time or the money to give me what I deserved.

Although she did this brave and selfless act, I honestly can say I have no loyalty to her. To me she's a faceless, nameless woman that continued on with her life. My loyalty lies with my Mom and Dad...the two people that raised me, loved me, and took care of me. The woman that nursed me when I was sick, and the man that would take me out for ice cream after he got his hair cut on Saturday afternoons. Those are my parents, and they will always be my parents regardless of who the egg and sperm donors were. ;-)

-- posted by Kassper

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» smw_heritage - Re: A great attitude!

In response to message posted by rahunter_nf:

Thanks for your supportive words, Bob. As to Hannah reading my articles... Not really, but I like the idea. Now that she's in 3rd grade, her reading is good enough. Thanks for the suggestion. It's nice that you did that with your daughter.

Susan

-- posted by smw_heritage

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» smw_heritage - Re: My own loyalty.

In response to message posted by Kassper:

I appreciate you sharing your view. One thing I've learned on my adoptive parenting journey is that there are many different emotions and types of loyalty involved on all sides of the adoption triad. Thanks for sharing!

-- posted by smw_heritage

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