Five Tips for Talking With Teens

Posted by Barbara Gibson Feb 12, 2007

Seven Strategies for Talking With Teens

Casual converastions are great. Taking advantage of these moments we can have conversations with our kids (while doing chores or riding in the car) that keep us up to date or help us learn about one another. There will be those times; however, that call for the serious conversation. Use these tips to improve your chances for a talk that yields less eye-rolling and more sharing (or at least listening).

1. Chose a time that allows you to devote your full attention to your teen and the conversation (avoid multi-tasking and give your undivided attention).
2. Listen with the intent to understand (remember, trying to understand where your teen is coming from doesn't mean you agree. understanding simply builds compassion and connection)
3. Check for clarity ("it sounds like you feel... "or "it sounds like you're saying...")
4. Avoid minimizing your teen's feelings (no matter how ridiculous it seems to you, it feels real to your teen. When you behave as if what your teen is sharing is stupid or doesn't matter, you reduce future opportunities for sharing. Listening and affirming is a wonderful way to show you care.
5. Avoid the rescue complex (check with your teen before you jump in to fix it. does s/he want simply to vent or brainstorm together about solutions (an added bonus - when you don't feel like you have to fix it, you can listen with your full attention and without planning your response).
6. Express confidence that your teen will make the right decision or handle the situation appropriately (you may also use this opportunity to remind your teen about the good choices s/he has made in the past).
7. Invite your teen to follow up with you about how the situation is unfolding.