Barbara Gibson's Blog
Posted by Barbara Gibson
Much of what we say and do as parents springs from what we think and how we feel. We can improve our parenting, as well as our relationships with our children, by strengthening our emotional intelligence.
Being emotionally intelligent gives us the skills we need to name how we feel, and to use that information to manage how we behave and interact with others. Paul and Layne Cutright ,of The Center for Enlighted Partnerships, have developed an exercise called the CURE (Conscious Upset Resolution Exercise) that can help us understand our feelings, their triggers and the resulting behaviors (see below).
With practice we can notice "bad behavior" (screaming at our children, name-calling, belittling, etc.) and its triggers. In time we can begin to understand triggers (their history and the feelings they produce in us), defuse them and resolve our upset in positive ways that help us take care of ourselves and protect our relationships with our children.
The CURE (developed by Paul and Layne Cutright)
Practice walking yourself through a few of the CURE questions to improve your emotional intelligence (there are thirteen in all).
- I am feeling...
- I am thinking...
- I am upset because...
- The thoughts, attitudes and feelings I hold that contribute to this current upset...
Posted by Barbara Gibson
Five-thirty a.m. comes quickly and filled with hope. Today will be the day I…
Oh well, maybe tomorrow, I console myself each evening. There just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day. Pulled this way and that by responsibilities and distractions, the days I spend are rarely the days I plan.
Take today – the school bus was late as usual, which put me behind an endless line of traffic that I would have missed had I left fifteen minutes earlier. Parking spaces at my usual coffee stop are gone along with any hopes for a quick caffeine cocktail.
How can I gather myself now? I wonder. The week is still fresh but clearly, I’m not. Maybe another spin around the block – timing and a few prayers to the parking gods could help me get my coffee yet. Nope. I am forced to brave the day unfortified.
Reviewing my calendar, I can do this I think. It’s just mind over matter. A brief report to complete and five calls to return before the conference call. A longer report to start and finish, a meeting, more calls and a proposal; later, I’ll run and tonight enjoy the satisfaction of a completed to do list. It all sounds good until the call list grows and I realize 15 minutes into the conference call that it will take longer than I thought. I have what I need to start, but not finish the report and just before my meeting I get a call from school to pick up my sick son.
Again, my list must wait. Not long, though. Five-thirty a.m. and a fresh start are only seventeen hours away.
Posted by Barbara Gibson
You may be wondering what happened to the pleasant, agreeable child that hung on your every word. How is that you've moved from being someone your child believed knew most everything to someone your child is sure knows nothing?
Fights about curfew, friends, grades, computer and telephone time, and chores are frustrating - yes -uncommon - no. Recall now your own teen years. Remember what you wanted. Remind yourself that although you didn't get everything you thought (in your infinite teen wisdom) you needed, you are doing okay. Your teen will be okay, too.
In the meantime here are a few tips to help you get through the testy teen years.
- Listen with the intent to understand (yes, I've said it before, and yes, it's still important). Let your teen know that you heard, and even understood, even when the decision must remain the same. Show compassion and sympathy by using phrases such as: I know it's tough.... I know you're disappointed, but; and even so or nevertheless, you can't use the car tonight.
- Distinguish between privileges and rights. Some of the rights teens should expect are warm shelter, clothing, love, food, educational opportunities and safety. Many of the other things they expect, such as designer clothing, telephones, computers, movie money, etc. are not rights - they are privileges. Sal Severe, author of, "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too, advises parents not to "give the ice cream away for free." When privileges are tied to appropriate behavior - kids have more motivation to behave appropriately.
- Invest in your relationship with your teen. Look for (or create) opportunities to spend meaningful time together, offer specific feedback and praise when your teen meets your behavioral expectations, let your teen know what you like about him/her, avoid down-talking, belittling or humiliating your teen. Teens have less motivation to behave in ways that please parents when the parent teen relationship is strained.
Finally, don't take it too personally. Although it may not look like it most of the time, your teen does love you - just as you love your teen. There will come a time when these years will be a memory you'll laugh about... together.
Posted by Barbara Gibson
Comic book, action hero and fantasy lovers should mark May 5 on their calendars. Why? That day marks Annual Free Comic Book Day and the opening of the much anticipated Spider-Man 3.
2002 marked the very first free comic book day. Comic book publishers came up with the idea as a way to encourage new readership. Not coincidentally, the launch of this annual event was set to begin about the same time that Spider-Man hit the theatres.
As in the first year, free comic book day coincides with the nationwide release of Spider-Man - this time the third installment.
According to Frank C. Rizzo, writer for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, enthusiasts can log on to the official site for a look at what books are available this year. If you have a special interest in any of the books featured this year, be sure to check with your local comic book store. All stores may not have the full selection and some stores may limit the number of books you can have for free.
Rizzo assures readers in his April 28th AJC article that there will be gems for young and old comic book fans alike.
Highlighted samples (based on Words & Pictures reviewers) include:
"Legions of Super-Heroes in the 31st Century," a DC Comics offering.
"Owly & Korgi," a Top Shelf offering, and
"Bongo Comics Free-for-All!" a Bongo offering
Read and enjoy!
Posted by Barbara Gibson
Several weeks ago a poster, glendragon, started a discussion about males who lactate. Many visitors to the site (myself included) have been intrigued by this idea.
Most of us know (or have heard tell of) at least one dad that is an active, hands-on parent. He rolls up his sleeves for diaper changes and bath-time, hair brushing and meal prep...whatever needs to be done. But when it comes to nursing, mom is on her own because even if dad has the desire, he doesn't have the ability.
Or does he?
In his 1995 article, Father's Milk, Discover Magazine author, Jared Diamond writes ..."We've known for some time that many male mammals, including some men, can undergo breast development and lactate under special conditions...Lactation, then, lies within a male mammal's physiological reach."
Diamond goes on to note hundreds of documented instances of male lactation among male prisoners of war during World War II. The phenomenon is not only noted among men, but also non-pregnant women.
Lactation has been observed among males and non-pregnant women with and without medical intervention. In cases of medical intervention, subjects had been exposed to hormones that resulted in lactation. Where hormones were not introduced, subjects induced lactation by stimulating the nipples. Nipple stimulation encourages the release of hormones associated with lactation.
Does all this mean that we should start setting up nursing centers for dads or expecting them to encourage their offspring to latch on for late night feedings?
Probably not, according to Diamond, it just isn't in the genes.
