When Kids Do Something Really Wrong

Posted by Wei Yin Wong Dec 16, 2008

When we went for a family holiday a couple of months ago, my daughter took something from a shop without paying for it. I found out only after we got back to the holiday house. I was sure she took it because she showed me the glittery brooch hanging near the cashier counter earlier while we were inside the shop.

I remember telling her that we were not buying that. So imagine my shock and anger when she happily showed me that she "found" the brooch. At only five, she still isn't good at covering up stories. So I knew immediately that she'd stolen something!

I was aghast and furious. My daughter was a thief! I must have been a terrible parent for my daughter to go astray at such a young age. I snapped and gave her a harsh lecture. She nearly burst into tears. I told her we'd have to return the brooch and apologize to the shop owner.

The next day, we did just that. Joanne was very apprehensive during the drive to the shop. She knew she'd done something wrong. Inwardly, I was hoping she wouldn't get a hard time at the shop after she'd confessed to being light-fingered. But I also wanted her to learn her lesson. So she would have to face it head on.

The shopowner turned out to be an ultra nice guy who not only forgave Joanne for her misdeed, he even let her keep the brooch because she was honest and brave enough to own up! He said he understood. His daughters did the same thing a couple of times when they were young. That was very kind and nice of him.

I hope that being let of so easily didn't give Joanne the wrong message. I think she learnt an important lesson in life that day, though. And looking back, I shouldn't have over-reacted. I should have used the incident to explain what property ownership is all about and how taking others' possessions may hurt them.

I found some books and references on dealing with children when they behave badly. Almost all of them advise parents to stay cool, calm and collected when dealing with possible theft, lying, swearing, answering back, etc. So that's whay I'm going to do from now on - keep my cool and explain why something isn't right. With my temperament, I'll need to stop and think first before reacting to any bad behavior.

To find out more about managing child behavior problems, read my articles on When a Child Steals, When a Child Lies, When a Child Swears and When a Child Answers Back.