Wei Yin Wong's Blog
Posted by Wei Yin Wong
When we went for a family holiday a couple of months ago, my daughter took something from a shop without paying for it. I found out only after we got back to the holiday house. I was sure she took it because she showed me the glittery brooch hanging near the cashier counter earlier while we were inside the shop.
I remember telling her that we were not buying that. So imagine my shock and anger when she happily showed me that she "found" the brooch. At only five, she still isn't good at covering up stories. So I knew immediately that she'd stolen something!
I was aghast and furious. My daughter was a thief! I must have been a terrible parent for my daughter to go astray at such a young age. I snapped and gave her a harsh lecture. She nearly burst into tears. I told her we'd have to return the brooch and apologize to the shop owner.
The next day, we did just that. Joanne was very apprehensive during the drive to the shop. She knew she'd done something wrong. Inwardly, I was hoping she wouldn't get a hard time at the shop after she'd confessed to being light-fingered. But I also wanted her to learn her lesson. So she would have to face it head on.
The shopowner turned out to be an ultra nice guy who not only forgave Joanne for her misdeed, he even let her keep the brooch because she was honest and brave enough to own up! He said he understood. His daughters did the same thing a couple of times when they were young. That was very kind and nice of him.
I hope that being let of so easily didn't give Joanne the wrong message. I think she learnt an important lesson in life that day, though. And looking back, I shouldn't have over-reacted. I should have used the incident to explain what property ownership is all about and how taking others' possessions may hurt them.
I found some books and references on dealing with children when they behave badly. Almost all of them advise parents to stay cool, calm and collected when dealing with possible theft, lying, swearing, answering back, etc. So that's whay I'm going to do from now on - keep my cool and explain why something isn't right. With my temperament, I'll need to stop and think first before reacting to any bad behavior.
To find out more about managing child behavior problems, read my articles on When a Child Steals, When a Child Lies, When a Child Swears and When a Child Answers Back.
Posted by Wei Yin Wong
Ah, school holidays. How we love them and hate them!
Pros - we all can sleep in late and don't have to worry about going to school late, we can go to the park whenever the weather is nice and we get to play, play and play.
Cons - Stress, stress and more stress - for the parents, that is.
Having a break with stress is as good as not having one at all. And with kids yelling at each other, their breakfast not eaten, the laundry half-done and worse, the car breaking down even before the journey starts, the holidays can easily turn into a nightmare. And have I even started on Christmas preparations?
Well, for me at least Christmas won't be so bad. Almost all my relatives are back in Malaysia and I only have a handful of close friends here in Melbourne. So there isn't much to prepare and shop for. Which is a good thing considering the current financial crisis.
But I still have to go through the five-week holidays and keeping the kids amused and busy can be quite a challenge. We had a wonderful one-week holiday break at a beach town during the spring holidays nearly 3 months ago. So we won't be going for any long holidays. And there lies the challenge for me - how to avoid being driven up and over the wall with two active kids if they are home with me.
So I've been buying cheap art and craft stuff from the Reject Shop and bargain shops so that my kids can create some masterpieces out of them. And I always find the ones that they can cut, paste and stick without my helping them. The less I need to watch over them, the more house chores I can complete.
I've also made some plans with the mothers of my kids' friends to take turns hosting little fun time at our homes. Kids love to have other kids over at their home and love visiting other kids. So this swap-homes- and-play arrangement is great. Instead of having the kids at home seven days a week, we now have them four days a week.
Of course, we still have to take the kids somewhere. The library, the playgrounds (there are many of them here so we can go to a different one each time!), shopping malls, cinemas, beach and perhaps the zoo will all be good, fun and cheap places to go to.
When the kids are busy playing, they at least will leave their poor mum for a while. And that's when I have a few minutes of precious stress-free moments. It won't be long before one of them starts yelling "Mum, can I do this?" or "Mum, Joshua is hitting!" or "Mum, Joanne is dirtying the carpet" ...
For more stress-free tips, read also:
Posted by Wei Yin Wong
I love fruits and vegetables, regardless of how they are presented and whether they are cooked or raw. And now, living in Melbourne, Australia, I'm spoit for choice when it comes to fruits and vegetables. Well, not that there aren't many choices in my home country in Malaysia. It's just that there are much more varieties Down Under. Plus, the greens here are bigger and juicier.
But my love for greens didn't start until I was around 10 or so. Like most young children, I bulked at the thought of stuffing greens in my mouth. Luckily, I acquired a taste for them as I grew older.
The problem is, my own kids now have to be coaxed, tricked and threatened to eat their fruits and vegetables. Apparently, it's a worldwide phenomenon. Studies from around the world have shown that children from age two to 18 simply do not have the penchant for greens.
It's worrisome as greens are excellent sources of vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals. Most are rich in anti-oxidants that help prevent cancer as well as dietary fiber to aid digestion and bowel movements. When kids are short of these, they are prone to falling sick and may develop medical conditions such as hypertension, diabetes and high cholesterol levels when they grow up.
So what's a parent to do? Try her best to encourage kids to eat greens, of course. And there are many ideas to get started. Methods such as sneaking greens into their main meals, disguising greens as something they like eating, making juices or smoothies out of fruits, cooking vegetables in different ways and preparing fruit salads are some great ways parents have used successfully.
But there are some other great ideas too. When parents make greens fun and interesting, kids will naturally develop a liking for them. Try some of these approaches:
- Make up stories about fruits and vegetables. Give them names and make them characters in a funny story.
- Bring children to the farmer's market and show them all the produce there. Tell the children the names of each fruit and vegetable and how each can make kids strong and healthy.
- Plant some produce in your backyard. Tomatoes, beans and carrots are easy to plant. Get the kids to help with watering them. They will love eating their own homegrown produce!
Check out articles on boosting fruits and vegetables intake in children and how to choose, store and prepare fresh produce for more tips and ideas.
Posted by Wei Yin Wong
As a child, I had a very bad experience with a dentist. No, the dentist was a pretty nice guy. He wasn't mean or anything. It was all me. I was terrified days before that visit. So not surprisingly, I was a complete mess when that fateful day arrived.
What made it more embarrassing was the fact that it was not even my first dental visit. I was around eight and I'd had a couple of visits before. But those were in another town with another dentist. No needles were used. The previous dentist used a numb spray and I was okay with it.
But this new dentist - he had a syringe and needle. That freaked me out completely. The minute I saw what he was holding, I started screaming and begging my sister (who was waiting outside) to come rescue me. I kicked, I scratched, I bit - I had to be restrained by a burly nurse and my father, who was shocked and understandably embarrased by the whole incident.
After what seemed like an eternity, the dentist finally pulled out my loose tooth, much to the relief of everyone in the treatment room. He suffered a few deep scratches on his arm but he was still quite cool and collected. Dad, of course, had to apologize profusely. My sister, who heard the torture outside, quickly came to console me.
Yeah, I can laugh about it now. It was so hilarious. But it wasn't at that time. It was truly frightening. So I vowed never to let my own kids go through that traumatic experience. And I prepared myself and my kids way before their first dental appointment.
First I asked around. There are a few good dentists in my area. But I want one who is attuned to a child's feelings, fear and anxiety. When I finally settled for one dentist, I was and still am really pleased with him. He is not a pediatric dentist, just a general dentist but he is very good with kids. His waiting area has a toy corner and my kids just help themselves with the toys when they are there. The distraction helps while they wait for their turn.
I also tell my kids fun stories about kids who go to see their dentists. I try not to make a big deal out of it and promote dental visits in anyway I could. I did, however, make one mistake. I told them my big fight with the dentist when I was a kid. They laughed but that probably made them a little anxious. So I don't talk about that anymore, not when they are around anyway.
Another thing to do is to get as much information as you can from your dentist. He or she will be more than happy to share tips on getting a child ready for a dental visit, oral and dental care and anything related to dental hygiene.
Also, don't forget to practice good dental hygiene. Dentists are often very pleased when their young patients have taken the trouble to learn to take care of their teeth properly.
For more tips on oral care, read about oral hygiene for babies and toddlers as well as preparing children for their first dental visit.
Posted by Wei Yin Wong
Most married women with kids will have experienced this on a regular basis - children and husbands who don't seem to register anything they say.
I know. This is an all too familiar territory for me. I have two active kids aged seven and five respectively. While they are usually good and nice kids, they do have their moments of terror. They will do things that I've repeatedly warned them not to do, mess up their playroom and refuse to pack up the toys later, answer me back when I admonish them or throwing a tantrum for no particular reason - the list can go on and on.
And the thing is both kids have very different temperaments and personalities. And because of that, I have to deal with them in different ways. Joshua is older and more mature and therefore can understand better of what I try to communicate to him. He is also unusually fastidious and organised for a child his age and gender, making it a lot easier for me to give him simple tasks. He is more receptive to my suggestions as well.
Joanne is younger and stubborn as a mule. No one can reason with her when she throws a tantrum. And she has the nasty habit of shouting to me instead of talking to me. I've found the best approach with her is to talk to her calmly and reassuringly when she has somewhat calmed down. Shouting back at her is completely useless as she just shuts down. Sometimes I just talk to her and encourage her to have beautiful manners when she is in her happy and cheerful mood. I think and hope this repeated reinforcement will help her behave better in the long run.
Listening to children properly too is the key to successful communication with children. Talking in the language they understand and respecting their feelings are also crucial to maintain that kind of communication.
And what of husbands? They too often can't seem to hear their wives properly, especially in matters related to caring for children and housework. Fret not, though. There are ways to communicate effectively with husbands as well. Finding the right time to talk, starting the talk positively, keeping the discussion short but straight to the point are just some ways to do it right.
Also, once you get the man to do what you would like him to do, let him do it his way. Don't criticize and pick on him for the smallest mistakes. You can gently and nicely suggest ways to improve the way things are done but refrain from being a harsh judge. That will only put him off doing it. Also, don't forget to thank him and give a little praise when he's done a superb job.
In many ways, children and husbands are very much alike. You have to figure out when and how to talk to them effectively and give them a little pat in the back when you do catch them being good!
