Autism & Friendship

A young couple was recently talking about how their six year old daughter cam home in tears because she wore a pink dress to school. It turns out that a small group of girls in her class has started a "no pink" club and that any one wearing pink would be ridiculed and teased. This is unfortunately a common example of the complexities that face young kids in their quest to make friends for the first time outside of the family setting.

For the autistic child everyday can be like a "no pink" day. The unspoken and delicate nature of early friendship is often baffling for the autistic child and they find it hard to make friends as easy as neurotypical children. And because friendship and the lessons learned through friendship are very important in the development of every human being the autistic child is at a disadvantage.

If the parents of an autistic child are lucky they may have a big family of siblings and cousins so that the autistic child has a somewhat friendly stress free social setting in which their lack of social skills are not held against them. cousins and siblings tend to be more understanding of the quirks of the autistic kid or at the very least parents are often around to make them behave in a more understanding way.

If the autistic child is not a part of big family the isolation due to their lack of social skills and friendship building can be more pronounced. In this case it is imperative that parents become a surrogate "friend". Meaning that the parents must show the child what friendship is all about; listening, sharing, conversing, playing etc. So, whether it's playing ball in the park, going for a swim or playing with lego - it is up to the parent to be there for the autistic child so that they have a semblance of what it means to have someone to share their favorite book or favorite past-time with.

In the long run the child will not suffer from social isolation and the depressed feelings that often come along with it. And as the child grows older the camaraderie that they've learned from the friendship with their parents will help them eventually make friends on their own terms as the maturation helps them better understand the socialization process. The friendship that a parent shares with the autistic child is invaluable and can make a very special difference in the long run.