Vance Chapman's Blog
Posted by Vance Chapman
There is a fine line between bad behavior and autistic behavior. And parents often have a problem differentiating between the two. The line between the two is so blurred that it might not even exist. All children exhibit bad behavior - with autistic children it is not always within their control. Parents often stress over this because they don’t want to punish a child for something that they are not in control of. However it's important that a child’s autism diagnosis not become a free pass from accountability.
Though the jury is still out and probably will always be out in just how much an autism child is in control of his actions parents must still set boundaries for them. In this case it is better to not give the benefit of the doubt. Because though autistic children may not have the inherent social and behavioral skills to “make themselves behave” - the boundaries and disciplines that parents impose on an autistic child will at least help them learn what they can and can’t do.
In time this “learnt” good behavior will become second nature top the autistic child and the incidences of things like violent outbursts and tantrums will decrease. And it is important t that the parents work with the child’s school in this regard so that there is a consistency between home and school in the expectations that both parent and teacher have for the child - the more the autistic child is reminded of their behavioral accountability the better they will understand what is expected of them.
Raising an autistic child is a challenge for both parent and child and it is imperative that both are always aware of what is expected in spite of this challenge. There will be many areas in the autistic child’s life where they will be given slack because of their challenges but in the long run parents must also set expectations for these children so that eventually they can recognize their responsibilities and act accordingly.
Posted by Vance Chapman
Autistic kids often struggle in school because of behavior issues not academic ones. However, because in a traditional school setting behavior and academics go hand in hand. When the teacher has to devote so much time and energy dealing with an autistic child’s behavioral shortcomings less time is spent on the lesson plan.
The school setting is very challenging for even the most well adjusted child but for an autistic child it can be a nightmare. The huge number of people and the energy that course through a school on an average day causes autistic kids to buzz and stim even before the day starts so that by the time that lessons start an autistic child is bouncing off the walls.
The home schooling option has been around for a while but the antisocial aspect of it makes parents wary of putting a student who already has social skills issues into an environment where they have no social interaction.
But the truth is that home schooling can be the best bet for some autistic children. Parents need to realize that the academic skills of the autistic child needs to come before their social skills. The constant battles that the autistic child endures in school can overtime have a very depressing effect on the child.
It’s true that being in school is where most children learn many of their first social skills but for an autistic child it is often a place of their first sense of rejection because they don’t have the ability to master these basic socialization skills.
And it’s true that home schooling will not even give the autistic child a chance to try and fit in but what you lose in socialization you gain in academic advancement. It also means that the parents of home schooled autistic children will just have to work harder and put more emphasis on getting their children involved in social settings outside of school. Places like churches, cub scout groups and athletic clubs are but a few environments that parents can get their autistic children involved in to make up for a child not being in a school setting.
Parents of autistic children need to rethink the home schooling option and look into what opportunities and what funds are available in order to explore this option. In the long term it may be worth it.
Posted by Vance Chapman
A young couple was recently talking about how their six year old daughter cam home in tears because she wore a pink dress to school. It turns out that a small group of girls in her class has started a "no pink" club and that any one wearing pink would be ridiculed and teased. This is unfortunately a common example of the complexities that face young kids in their quest to make friends for the first time outside of the family setting.
For the autistic child everyday can be like a "no pink" day. The unspoken and delicate nature of early friendship is often baffling for the autistic child and they find it hard to make friends as easy as neurotypical children. And because friendship and the lessons learned through friendship are very important in the development of every human being the autistic child is at a disadvantage.
If the parents of an autistic child are lucky they may have a big family of siblings and cousins so that the autistic child has a somewhat friendly stress free social setting in which their lack of social skills are not held against them. cousins and siblings tend to be more understanding of the quirks of the autistic kid or at the very least parents are often around to make them behave in a more understanding way.
If the autistic child is not a part of big family the isolation due to their lack of social skills and friendship building can be more pronounced. In this case it is imperative that parents become a surrogate "friend". Meaning that the parents must show the child what friendship is all about; listening, sharing, conversing, playing etc. So, whether it's playing ball in the park, going for a swim or playing with lego - it is up to the parent to be there for the autistic child so that they have a semblance of what it means to have someone to share their favorite book or favorite past-time with.
In the long run the child will not suffer from social isolation and the depressed feelings that often come along with it. And as the child grows older the camaraderie that they've learned from the friendship with their parents will help them eventually make friends on their own terms as the maturation helps them better understand the socialization process. The friendship that a parent shares with the autistic child is invaluable and can make a very special difference in the long run.
Posted by Vance Chapman
"Walking Before You Run" is very good advice for parents with autistic kids. Example, some years ago, the Canadian writer, Malcolm Gladwell who writes for the New Yorker magazine, wrote an excellent book called The Tipping Point which discussed the theory of epidemics both culturally an medically.
One of the theories that he referenced in the book was the "broken windows" theory and how New York City used this particular type of reasoning to turn back the tide of crime that had been overwhelming New York City for years. In short, the broken windows theory infers that if windows in a neighborhood are broken and not repaired, that it sent a signal to criminals that this neighborhood is "open for business". New York City found that by repairing the small things like broken windows and cleaning up graffitied subway cars that it had a ripple effect by sending signals that if not even the smallest infractions were being tolerated then don't even bother committing a any big crimes - it worked and crime rates in New York City plummeted - in essence by controlling the small almost insignificant stuff they ended up controlling the big stuff.
This is important to parents and loved ones and even teachers dealing with autistic children because the tendency is to attack the big things; diet, meds, chelation etc. These things are important to some degree but the reality is that the best way to help autistic children is by giving them the small tools they need for the here and now. TOOLS that come easy to neurotypical kids but are more complex for autistic child.
Quite simply - walking and talking. Autistic children often have an awkward gait that causes both the child and the parent (or whoever else is walking with them) frustration and causes a strain on both. The answer is not to up vitamin intake or try and blame a vaccination program - that doesn't help the child here and now - the answer is to go to a park - everyday if need be, and practice walking with the child. Much has been written about the fact that autistic children have stunted brain development in the areas that deal with motor skills - so it is important that autistic children practice their basic motor skills as much as possible in order to level the playing field. It may seem like a small. thing but it does wonders for a child's confidence to have one less thing that sets them apart.
The same can be done with talking - repetition and consistency when imparting conversational skills will eventually equip the autistic child with the skills to properly communicate with friends and family. In short With repetition and consistency these children will get control of their awkwardness rather than have their awkwardness get control them.
Posted by Vance Chapman
I have an 11 year old highly functioning autistic son. He was diagnosed with everything from Aspergers to Autistic Spectrum Disorder from the age of 2 till the age of 7 which is when a pediatrician finally gave me a written diagnosis of autism. Parents of autistic kids can sense from an early age that something is not right but we live in denial thinking that our child is just quirky and that they’ll grow out of it. And when we do finally accept we set out diligently to solve it, to fix it. We change diets, introduce vitamin regimens, sign up for social skills groups and so forth.
For these parents it’s important that they realize as soon as possible that having an autistic child is a lot like planning a trip to Rome but ending up in Amsterdam. Neither is a better or worse European city - they’re just different. The point is, both cities ar egreat and offer a lot to enjoy and learn from.
This made so much sense. While I was frantically searching for that ‘magic bullet’ to cure my son’s ‘disease,’ he was having the time of his life just being a kid with all of the newfound wonder and discovery that belongs to every kid be they ‘neurotypical’ or not.
The truth is, the elusive solutions to autism that we seek for our kids are really comforts that we are seeking for ourselves; something to make our kids shiny and perfect like those well behaved kids we see in the park, in school and on TV. But the truth is that all of life is less than perfect - and that’s the beauty of it.
It’s time to rethink autism, and spend less time looking for magical cures and spend more time enjoying our quirky, funny, insightful, maddening and ultimately beautiful children and their fascinating childhood.