Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers with Divorce

Posted by Christina Gregoire Jun 29, 2009

When I went through my divorce, my kids were both over 10. However, I had a niece who was very young when her family broke up. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a toddler and have everything change so suddenly.

While my niece loves her father, it was terribly hard for her to go back and forth to stay overnight with her dad.

I can tell you that little kids do not know how to express their concerns. You must try to read their behaviors... then make your best guess about how to help smooth the bumpy road for them. Explain what is happening with the divorce or separation, and use words that are appropriate for their level of understanding.

Little ones definitely understand more words than you think. Their own speech is limited, but they can tell how things are going by the WAY you say words.

I really like the idea of playing out a family scenario with dolls. I've watched how Molly, a child psychologist, played with my own daughter using toys. (It was unrelated to the divorce.) Here is a short video about Play Therapy.

In the meantime, try reading my article about Helping Toddlers with Divorce. I'm neither a shrink nor a lawyer, but I've been through a divorce with children and I feel like I've been through most of the issues you are going through.

My kids are adults now, so I have more time to read research about helping you and your children, and I am happy to be able to pass on information from various sources. I hope it helps.

PS I found this cute youtube.com video of a dancing baby and I think you'll like it. It's so joyous and upbeat. I'm using this to remind you that after all the divorce crap, both of my kids ended up as fabulous adults. Your kids will have great lives, too. Do your best. Let them know that you love them, and they will have happy lives...maybe not every minute will be happy, but if you love them, you will help them to be happy. Now, watch this little toddler (who is fighting cancer) dance his (or her?) happy dance. So cute!