Lost Spy Satellite Crashing Soon

Posted by Christopher Eger Jan 28, 2008

As you are driving to or from sometime in the past two months, watch out for falling satellites. That’s right, according to an unidentified spokesman from the US government, an unidentified satellite has gone rogue. No it hasn’t been taken over by Dr Evil, Al Qaeda, or some other nefarious organization (that we know of), it’s just lost.

It is believed that the United States has no less than 18 top secret spy birds. These include a few Keyhole photo satellites that beam pictures back to earth continuously, four electronic eavesdropping satellites dubbed Magnum, two Lacrosse radar-equipped satellites who track anything 3 meters square or larger in any weather, two Jumpseat satellites that specifically observe the Russian's in the Arctic, and at least eight White Cloud birds that track enemy transmitters. It is not know which of the above is the wayward bird in question.

All that is known is that the 20,000 pound bird in question has lost power, has no control, and in the most basic laws of physics; what goes up must come down. It is estimated that it should fall sometime in February or March. So if you find yourself confronted with a rapidly descending fireball in the sky during that time frame, duck and cover. But if it is actually the wayward bird, stay clear as it may be radioactive or contain beryllium which makes emphysema look like a head cold.