Why Doesn't My Horse Like Me?

Posted by Laura Thompson Nov 28, 2008

I received this question on one of my Suite101 articles, Build Trust Between Horse and Rider:

It took me 12 years to buy another horse after mine died of colic. She is a two old gray filly, I have not rode her yet and want to start building her trust now. I groom her, walk her, pick her feet, talk to her and show her that I love her. I visit her everyday, she just does not seem interested in me at all. I have her out at my cousins and his horses seem to like me more, what am I doing wrong?

Thanks for your question! It sounds to me like your two-year-old is having difficulty bonding, though you do have to realize that horses have unique personalities. Some show affection in obvious ways and quickly attach to human partners, while others never show that kind of affection and are more likely to appear apathetic.

It's the same with any pet. Have you ever owned a cat or dog who never seemed as friendly or as loving as other pets? Cats, especially, are fiercely independent and many will only show affection on their terms. Horses can be just as standoffish, which is frustrating for any owner.

There are three options you should consider now:

1. The horse takes longer to warm up to people. The bonding process between horse and rider can take several months--and sometimes even years--to develop. How long have you owned the filly? Has her attitude changed at all, even to a slight degree, since you brought her home? This might simply be a situation that requires more time.

2. The horse will never warm up. As mentioned above, some horses will never show affection, which means that no amount of time will change her personality. If this is the case, you will either have to accept the filly the way she is or sell her and try again.

Is it possible that you are expecting this filly to behave exactly like your last horse? Losing an animal to colic is a traumatic experience, and you might have expected to develop the same relationship with this filly as with the other animal. This is completely understandable, but you must realize that all horses are different, and if you want to keep this filly, you'll have to find her rhythm.

3. There is a medical reason. In some cases, a lethargic and unresponsive horse can exhibit these symptoms based on a medical problem, such as a disease or injury. Was the horse vetted before you bought her? Does she receive regular deworming and vaccinations? Although this is a long shot, you might want to have her checked out if you think her disinterest might be medical in nature.

Good luck!