Enough Shrek already!!!!!

Posted by Dominic von Riedemann Jun 8, 2007

Dear Jeffrey:

Way back in 2001, I checked out a movie of yours called Shrek. I liked it; it was funny. You took liberties with William Steig's brilliant novel, but I didn't mind. Your flick took a "fractured fairy tales" approach to Disney's classic movies, something that nobody had done before. Yeah, we noticed a little bitterness about the way Michael Eisner bitch-slapped you out of Disney after you gave him box office gold like The Little Mermaid and The Lion King (in retrospect, calling him 'Lord Farquaad' was a bit much). But it gave the flick an edge. Shrek cleaned up at the box office and it deserved every last dime. It even stole the first ever Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film from Pixar's Monsters Inc. How cool was that?

Fast forward to 2004, and a slightly bigger movie called Shrek 2. At first, I wasn't sure if I would check it out. Yeah, I dug the first flick but could lightning strike twice? Surprise, surprise: it did. It was a little more fat around the middle but it still worked. You introduced some excellent new characters and the jokes came thick and fast. Antonio Banderas and Eddie Murphy singing 'La Vida Loca' was potential shark bait, but I loved the energy of the flick. I laughed a lot, and had a great time. Shrek 2 made a whole mess o' dough at the box office (third highest grossing movie of all time) and I had no problem with that.

So what happened? Why are you looking so desperate, Jeffrey?

Number One: you couldn't make lightning happen with your other flicks. Madagascar and Over the Hedge made some cash, but not as much as you would've liked. Then there were box office bombs like Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. That hurt; it made people think that DreamWorks Animation was a one-movie wonder, especially when compared to Pixar who almost never do sequels but still rack up the hits.

Which leads me to my second theory, Jeffrey. You're not just competing with the other studios, you're battling your history. You're the guy who made those great animated flicks with the Mouse House back in the early 1990's, and then unleashed Shrek on Disney when they gave you the cold shoulder. You still want to prove that Disney needs you more than you need them.

But it's not working like you hoped, Jeffrey, and you got worried. You even screwed up your deal with Aardman Animation, one of the most beloved animation studios in the world. Sure, Chicken Run was gold but you tried to second-guess Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit by demanding they dump voice actor Peter Sallis. And you got pissed when Were-Rabbit didn't set the box office on fire. C'mon, the Wallace and Gromit frachise is popular worldwide, Were-Rabbit made money and it won the Oscar! What more do you need?

But no, you thought you could force those uppity Brits to go Hollywood with Flushed Away. You took what could've been a great film and drove up the costs by attempting to take control of the project. The result? A movie that cost $145 million, a cost it couldn't recoup, and Aardman wanted out. Aardman is now with Sony, a studio that promised not to mess with their mojo, and you had to apply for that $109 million write-down.

So yeah, in desperation you went back to your sure-fire moneymaker. But it ain't 2001 anymore: Hoodwinked and Happily N'Ever After tried your formula and it didn't work so well. And people didn't respond to Shrek the Third the way you wanted, Jeffrey. It still made tons of money but not as much as the last one. And no one laughed at the jokes.

Shrek's jumped the shark. Your golden ogre has way too much baggage, and too many stars demanding massive paycheques, for this series to continue like it is. You're into diminishing returns and sites like Joblo are calling for you to put Shrek out to pasture.

Which is bad news, because you've got two more Shrek flicks in the pipeline, plus a Christmas special and a Broadway musical. You're committed to a franchise that's starting to fade; how long will it be before one of these projects crashes and burns?

And while we're talking sequels, Madagascar was a hit but not enough to justify a second flick. Everyone loved the penguins, not Chris Rock's zebra, Ben Stiller's lion or David Schwimmer's giraffe. Are you going to keep it all-penguins-all-the-time for Madagascar: The Crate Escape? Because that's the only way that flick will go anywhere.

But it's not all black, Jeffrey. You have a couple of intriguing films on the horizon. Bee Movie has potential (not sure how well Jerry Seinfeld will play to the under-12 set, though), and both Kung Fu Panda and Monsters Versus Aliens could be good with the right script. But stop pretending you're George Lucas, Jeffrey. Make movies because they're good stories, not because they'll sell McDonald's Happy Meals. Quit Shrek while you're ahead: the franchise has been good to you but there's only so much gold in them thar ogre hills. Make like Pixar or Fox/Blue Sky and start writing (or adapting) some great stories. That's the best way to make DreamWorks Animation a real player in the cartoon industry.

Here endeth the rant.