Sven Goran Eriksson

Grab a box of kleenex because I have a very sad story to tell, involving an unloved middle-aged Swedish man.

This man had to work in a high-powered job with nothing to support him but about £3m a year.

And a fancy lawyer girlfriend.

And, er, several liaisons with 'lady friends'.

And did I mention that £3m?

Anyway, this poor fellow (let's call him Sven Goran Eriksson, because that's who it is), didn't do very well in the job he was paid for and had to leave (that's the World Cup).

And everyone hates him.

It's getting him down a bit. So much so, he pulled out of a Fifa international symposium due to the constant criticism.

As his good mate Lennart has told us.

The Lennart in question is Lennart Johansson, and he happens to be a fellow Swede and president of Uefa, the European governing body for football.

Johansson says Eriksson "has had enough. He thinks that people have been saying how incompetent he is."

Well, that's because they have been saying how incompetent he is.

I'm not sure Lennart's comments will put Sven in a better light, especially when he adds: "He has his money and will still try to have his pride."

Generally, I find reminding everyone just how rich Sven is, doesn't really make us feel any better. Also, it's noticeable that Lennart isn't 100% sure that he actually does have his pride. Vast riches? Yes. Dignity? Maybe not.

But Sven will bounce back, I'm sure -- he's in talks to be the next USA manager and would even consider a move back to English football.

Who with? Sven, with typical modesty says: "Arsenal? Liverpool? Manchester? They're all big clubs, and any of those would be good."

Yeah, that would be good. I quite fancy them as well.

Is the man deranged? He's like a student telling the career guidance man that he'd quite like a go as Prime Minister on the back of an E grade in his woodwork A-level.

No, no, no, Sven. Let me sort you out with something more suitable...let's have a look...

Ah, got it! This will do nicely.

OK, it only appears to be paying £7 -- not sure if that's per hour or in total, but you're not short of a bob or two according to your mate Lennart.

The only other minor problem is that Jermain Defoe currently lives just outside the town and he's not that keen on you. Because you left him out of the World Cup squad, remember?

But you need to start again somewhere. Best of luck, you start on Monday.

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