On the Road...Again?

Posted by Rhonda Langefeld Jan 12, 2007

My husband Dale signed up to be a traveling spouse about eight years ago. The job was a good one--one that provided much-needed funds for our children's college expenses. It also gave him the chance for career growth.

But I wasn't thrilled about the loneliness of missing him. I didn't like the long stints of being a solo parent and household manager. Or of showing up to social functions alone again and again and telling new acquaintances, yes, I really am married.

The difficulty of living out the married life at a distance is that the independence you need to develop in order to function well apart, directly challenges the healthy interdependence that defines a good marriage when you are together.

Dale and I adjusted to the changes, made mistakes, adjusted again, hurt each other's feelings, and adjusted some more. We learned a lot of things over the years--one of which is that it takes time to adjust to the traveling marriage. And we learned to be nice to ourselves while we were adjusting.

But we were surprised at how we grew as individuals and how our marriage grew. Though the miles frequently divided us, we came to trust each other's competence more. As trust grew, so did respect for each other. Appreciation increased as well and we were able to drop that deadly "taking each other for granted" feeling that can so easily infest marriages. We like our marriage even better now than we did eight years ago. And we liked it then!

Along the way we learned to make good plans--plans for communicating, for trusting, for handling emergencies, for re-entry, and for romance. These plans, necessary to make a traveling marriage thrive, are the topics of a series of articles beginning today on Traveling Spouses. I'll also be adding a book review or two aimed at encouraging marriages in which one or both partners is on the road.

As you look at the year--and the road--ahead, these tips can help make your marriage road a good one.