Nov 9, 2006

Money and Marriage

she and her husband had never had money struggles. They had always had plenty of money and never had to pinch pennies or deny themselves.

Then she paused in her filing and said something like this. "I look at the closeness in other couples. The ones who have struggled through times of little money together. And I envy them. They have a closeness that my husband and I don't have. Maybe if we would have had the chance to struggle together, we would be closer than we are now."

At that time, my husband and I were the king and queen of money struggles. He worked long hours and went to night class to increase his job opportunities for the future. I stayed at home with our three little daughters, did my best to keep the household budget lean (often making mistakes) and taught piano lessons for extra income. Going to McDonald's and ordering five or six plain hamburgers and splitting tiny bags of french fries was a REALLY BIG DEAL.

Now, years later, two of our daughters are already through college without debt and the youngest is in her third year. Was it a tough road? Yes. Was it a bad road? No.

Yet, tight times don't automatically bring about the closeness my nail-filing friend envied. Money issues can just as easily divide a couple as unite them.

Perhaps the effect money struggles have on a marriage depends less on the financial circumstances themselves than on the internal circumstances of the couple.

What qualities do the successful couples have, or have worked hard to develop? For my part, I think they must have put their relationship as top priority, must be good talkers and good friends, and must be willing to grow.

What would you add to the list? What qualities make the difference in a couple facing a financial storm?

For more on money and marriage, see: A Great Plan to Get Out of Debt, Keeping Away from Debt's Door, and Romance and Fun on a Tight Budget.