Living with Vegetarians

Posted by Jill Harris May 24, 2007

On the brink of a move to some new digs in a new city, the last several weeks have had me thinking a lot about the process of moving, and about the process of deciding who we choose to live with. There is no doubt that many vegetarians and vegans live with meat-eaters, and obviously vice-versa. But when does it become too much?

Growing up, where I lived was a no-brainer: my parents made it very clear that I “Lived under their roof!” When I became vegetarian in my last year of high school, however, things did change. Ever the optimist, my mother cried and didn’t know what to feed me, while my dad tried to understand my reasoning, but couldn’t. I’d be lying if I said my switch did not also change our family dynamics, but at least I got the push I needed to finally learn to cook.

The University I chose to attend served excellent and copious vegan and vegetarian meals, but most people in my residence were not familiar with such a lifestyle. Did I mention that University is also an Agricultural College? I may have conveniently forgotten to tell my farmer friends about my meatless lifestyle, but I made a conscious effort to not complain about the wastes of leather on jackets and shoes in front of them. My small-town roommate accepted my lifestyle well, and even had her mother whip up some Fettuccine Alfredo when I came for a visit.

Years of living with different roommates followed, and included some fairly awkward moments where a few of them left chicken to thaw (i.e. ooze) all over the counter and keeping a cup of bacon fat next to the grill…all year. I put up with it for a year, and they still bravely tried my vegetarian TSP tacos. We got along, but in such closed quarters it was difficult to separate our lifestyles.

Of course, there have more difficult moments, resulting in (for example) me referring to a roommate’s dinners as “dead animal carcass” and her offering me a bite every time.

Is it possible to get along with people in your house who still eat meat? Whether family or friend, that depends on how "extreme" each party is - a cattle rancher living with a raw foodist might be a little too polarized; however, I like to believe anything is possible with a bit of open dialogue and an open mind.

It is important to get ground rules out in the open as soon as possible, as there are wide variations in what is comfortable for individuals of each side. Will there be a separate set of dishes for meat? Will cooking be done at different times? What about grocery money, fridge space, or responsibilities for cleaning up? I would not recommend my plan of “moving in first, telling them later”. Even a quick mention before signing a lease could prevent months of malaise. And be honest! If your roommate’s family comes over twice a year to make sausage in your kitchen, will you be ok with that?

There are plenty of details to hash out before co-habitators can be comfortable together. If either party is disrespectful, the relationship might not work. But if neither party passess judgement, there is a good chance of success.

I am lucky enough to have lived with open-minded people, and hopefully have opened some more eyes and ears along the way. I know my previous roommates had never before tried soy milk; had heard of TSP; or realized that vegetarians don’t eat fish. Though honestly I would have preferred to live in a meat-free household, if I had not opened my mind, I would have missed out on some great friends and good times if I had so insisted, or perhaps would have lived alone.

The point is that living in a “mixed” household is what you make of it. Like religion, lifestyle choices can become a great divide - unless you make an effort to prevent it. Whether family, friend, or roommate, it is important to establish some guidelines before diving in headfirst. By creating open dialogue and keeping a sense of humour, it is possible to not only get through it, but to enjoy each others’ company, and maybe learn a few things along the way.

Like, for example, that affixing a dryer sheet to the back of fan nearly hides the smell of ground beef cooking. Who knew?