Vanquishing Insecurity

Posted by Jeannie Delahunt Nov 9, 2008

When I was a substance abuse counselor a major portion of therapy was how to build self-esteem and self-confidence. The use of drugs and alcohol, especially long term use, shredded the internal nature of people. Shame, guilt, disgust, remorse, and other negative emotions and thoughts often beat the spirit of a person so far down, he or she just didn't know how to get back up. And now, there were not any chemicals to mask or numb the pain.

The same holds true for eating disorders and/or body image problems. It is vital to accept the fact that perfection just does not exist. Certainly it is wonderful to work towards a goal, but being realistic is important in the endeavor.

Changing the focus can help. Instead of worrying about the negative, focus on the positive. All of us have gifts. Focus upon them. Feel good about them. Be grateful for them. Put them into service for others. Before you know it, you will have forgotten about the negatives. It is also important to not only understand with the brain, but to accept within one's heart and spirit and even physically that there are gifts within all of us.

Building self-esteem takes work. For all the time you may spend worrying about how to hide the food intake, or the time spent in front of a mirror, or, reading the latest fashion and celebrity magazines, spend that time saying, "I have a great smile! People enjoy my laughter! I can sing! I can dance!, I make great pizza! I'm a whiz at the barbecue! I have an eye for color! I'm imaginative!" The list is endless. Make your own.

Keep a journal. Make a list of your accomplishments on a daily basis. Allow yourself to feel good about them. Give yourself a healthy reward. Take a walk on the beach. Enjoy a sunset either by yourself or someone special. Allow yourself to be intimate with yourself in the journal. If you are feeling depressed or anxious, write it down. Then try to reframe the situation into a more positive light.

For instance, you've lost a job. You don't know how you will pay for the bills coming the next month. The future looks so bleak, you can't even begin to describe it. Make a list of all of your employable skills. Start signing up at the temp agencies. Have a few reworked resumes handy. Brush up on the computer skills or learn computer skills--some you can learn on-line for free. Think outside of the box if you have to. The point is, don't let the negatives get you down. Don't let them take hold. Focus upon positive goals and charge ahead.

Spend time with yourself applauding the positives. Give yourself a chance to feel them, internalize them. This is different from being, "full of yourself" or puffed up with pride. If you do this with a spirit of gratitude/thanksgiving, humility will also be a product. Humility is a great attribute! Someone once told me humility is power under control.

Read healthy literature--find inspirational books or pamphlets to read and reflect upon. Limit viewing television and media sources that shoot you with unrealistic or unhealthy messages. You really do not have to watch all that stuff, you know! :)

Volunteering is a great way to build self-confidence and self-esteem. So many, many people and animals need help. When you volunteer you are taking the focus off of yourself and concentrating on others. The quality of someone else's life will have improved because of your imput. Now, how great is that? Be adventuresome. Take a step out of your comfort zone. Just doing that, too, will build self-confidence. Don't let the media and slick advertising run your life. Learn to differentiate the facts from the myths.

Do a google search on advertising techniques, particularly image advertising. You will be surprised at what you find. Advertisers could focus on the positives, I think, creatively enough so as not to impact insecurities. I'm saying you don't have to be a victim unless you want to be.

I hope this helps. I have my strengths and weaknesses, too, but I prefer to focus on what is strong and make it stronger. When I do, I find that even my weaknesses become stronger, too.

Have a great week!