Tina Musial's Blog

Posted by Tina Musial

A while back I asked if single parents ever felt they had a vacation. Suprisingly, almost half did. Not surprising, 25% said, "Vacation, what is that?"

As a single parent I know my down time is limited. And I mean down time. Not just when the kids are in bed or at school, but away with Grandma, and Aunt or their dad for 24 hours or more. Those times are few and far between, and when it does happen I find myself just basking in the quietness of it.

Sure, I make lists of things I can accomplish and errands I can run without them, but I rarely complete them. I may end up taking a nap or saying, I need a break and do nothing. I usually venture online and waste time on the computer, even though I am plugged in ten hours or more everyday!

My free time draws to an end and then I know single parent status must resume. In the wee minutes of solitude is when I usually squeak in a couple of the things I swore I would do. The bathroom gets a scrub, the floor a quick mop...fun things like that.

And see how single parenting and vacations turned into...well, not a vacation? I guess I answered my own question. No vacation here either. A little down time and then it's back on the clock!

Posted by Tina Musial

We were having a particularly trying day. I was with a friend and his two kids, and after being out for a picnic and two of our children's soccer games, not to mention the usual weekend activities, we were tired. After his child didn't cooperate during her game, we loaded up all of the lawn chairs, the snacks, the food, etc. Another five minutes of bickering and he was fighting not to lose his own temper.

Then he did. He said he was glad soccer was over and he could sure stand to go home and get a drink!

My seven year old pipes up from the third row - "I can get you a drink. How about fruit punch?"

The innocence deflected the temper immediately. Well, he didn't specify what type of drink. And we did just finish a picnic a few hours earlier and the cooler was still in the back.

A moment is all it takes to restore the peace.

Posted by Tina Musial

Well, this weekend I took my kids camping. It's not my first venture camping as a single parent, but I wonder if it may be my last!

Camping from my childhood brings forth memories of campfires, going to the beach and eating lots of good food. As an adult, I see why my mom didn't care about camping - it's a lot of work! First their is the packing and the shopping and planning. Then load it up, get it there, set it up. Of course, someone is hungry and wants a snack before the tent is up or the food unloaded.

Luckily, my kids are avid SURVIVOR watchers. They do understand the concept of needing shelter ALMOST as much as they need food. I say almost, because they know all they have to do is get to a package and they can open it up. Why can't I stop mid tent and get the S'mores stuff out? Oh, well, you can make a fire quick too before going back to the tent. It's dark? So, we'll hold the flashlight so you can get the tent up.

It goes on like this for awhile. I think the tent ended up being together by 11:15 and the kids in bed at 11:30. Yes, they did sleep in - until almost 8:30!

After three crazy days of "relaxing" as we run to the park, swim, rent pedal bikes, cook, clean, shop for dry clothes since it rained a foot, go off-roading, visit Grandma's camper twice AND shake Yogi Bear's hand, it's time to head home.

Why do I not feel like I had a vacation? Hmmm. It may be the pile of laundry, soggy boxes of food to put away and the inch of sand in the vehicle that needs to be swept out. Relaxing - not really. Fun - yes! Will we do it all over again in 3 weeks - yes!

Single parent vacations may not be all that relaxing, but then, what vacations really are with kids? At least the stuff is semi-packed for the next round!

Posted by Tina Musial

The price of gas is annoying, for sure. Whether you are a single parent or not, it makes one hold a groan when the numbers continue to rise on that billboard sign.

Yesterday around town gas was 2.64. Then we had a huge jump - 30 cents! - in the afternoon at every station except for one. The station had to call in the State Troopers to direct traffic since it was such a mad rush to get in there.

I looked at my gas gauge and was fine, but is it worth it? To sit in line for an hour or more to save a few dollars? Yes, those dollars do add up, but at what price against your sanity?

I was putting it in perspective yesterday. Gas has gone up and I've coped. If peanut butter were to double in price, I may get upset. See, I buy the four pound tub which usually costs around 7-8. If it were to copy gas prices of late, it would be double that price in two years. My picky eaters would have to hone their taste buds and quick.

Why is it that some price hikes bother us more than others? We pay $1 for bottled water, when it can be free from a tap. Maybe it's just the principle - we know the gas companies are making money - and we don't like not having a choice to gas. Afterall, if name brand peanut butter were to double, we can always choke down a generic brand for less. We aren't that advanced with gas yet, I suppose.

Posted by Tina Musial

My dilemna has finally arrived. I have one child who has soccer practice at 5:30 and another at 6:00 at the same school (different teams) and a third who has a baseball game at six at yet another school.

HELP!!!

Sister's taxi service to the rescue! And I only let my kids choose one activity at a time. How do parents cope with children who do two or more activities at a time? Are they just insane? Or am I since I limit the activities?

What do you do? Do you run yourself ragged so your children can experience it all or make them choose one activity? If they don't like it they can pick another for the next season? Let's start a discussion...

Posted by Tina Musial

If you live in the north like I do, you are releasing a huge sigh. The leaves are popping out on the trees, the tulips are in full bloom and the birds are nesting. Spring has finally come!

I love this time of year - no winter coat is required, the hats and mittens are (hopefully) put away for a few months and the snow shovel gets a rest. However, with spring, comes the calendar explosion.

I'm not sure quite why or how it happens, but it does every year. I round the corner of April into May and virtually every square is filled with something. Between soccer and little league, a confirmation, graduation and a plethora of birthdays (why are so many babies born in May anyway?), the spring will sail into summer.

Does this happen to other parents, single or otherwise? Or is this a spring phenomenon that I can't control?

My theory: Everyone is so happy to have nice weather and gets the itch to go outside, they all plan an event. I would rather have events planned during the long, cold, boring months of winter to make those go by faster so we could relish spring itself before it passes too quickly.

Posted by Tina Musial

Well, we had Kindergarten registration today. For some reason, the youngest is the hardest to sign up. With the oldest, it was like, yeah! Free time when he's gone for a few hours. I can get more work done around the house, spend some alone time with the youngest....

Now the youngest is going off. He seems too small to get on the bus and walk into that school. Is it just me?

Other parents seemed excited in the hallway. I assumed it must be their "oldests" that they were registering.

Maybe it just signals that I am getting older. I did find two gray hairs over the weekend. And I've been weeding through old clothes for a garage sale and have decided to part with the maternity clothes.

A passing theme I guess...he's getting older, but so am I!

Posted by Tina Musial

I am not looking forward to the first day of school. I know, the current year isn't even over yet, but I am forced to think about next year already.

My youngest will be going to Kindergarten. The thought of him climbing on that big bus gives me shivers...but I explained all of that in my previous blog.

Now I believe I may have found something worse than that: The Kindergarten shots.

We went to the doctor yesterday to get our shots and copy of the health report. My son needed 4 shots! I had prepped him ahead and said we needed shots, shots keep you from getting sick, blah blah blah. I even threw in the bribe of a $ store visit and lunch. He seemed OK.

We got to the doctor's office and he was OK, until he watched his brother. Big brother walked into the exam room and immediately covered his ears. I gave him the glare, and he said, "What? I don't want to hear him scream."

Youngest perks right back up. "Is it gonna hurt? Are they big needles?" and on and on...

Time for the shots. Two nurses come in, they pin his legs and I have to hold his arms. The first shots go in. He says, "Ouch, that hurts a lot," and starts to cry. I knew when the last shot was going in he was tempted to kick the nurse, but I prevented that.

All in all, the look on his face with the shots was probably worse than what the first day will be. Maybe.

Posted by Tina Musial

Well, I've dropped the ball now. Spring is hectic for everyone, but I'm finding out just how much more so it can be for a single parent. With spring comes soccer and little league practices and games.

Before you jump in and say the kids do too much, this is what I allow them to do. They pick one activity per "season". In the fall and winter, they both chose swimming and I could coordinate their classes to be at the same time. Spring, however, is a different beast.

One chose soccer and the other picked Little League. Soccer only has games on the weekends and practice during the week. Little League plays twice during the week, and at a different school than where soccer is played.

Enter Single Parent's Worst Scheduling Nightmare. Thank God my schedule is flexible. I don't know how single parents with set 9-5 schedules can manuever to practices that start before 5, games that begin early, parades on Friday that start at 5 and so forth! And not everyone has family around to help with the burden, so how is it done?

Do you skip out on work or do the kids have to miss extra curricular activities? I face a dilemna for fall swimming. My oldest has been asked to be on the community swim team, but practice is 4 days a week beginning at 4:00. Translation, I would have to quit work by 3:30 4 days a week, drive to practice, wait for practice and get home at 5:15. I miss out on income but is it worth it? Is this the crux where he decides he loves it and I become one of those Olympic dream parents and spend my days going to and from practice?

Alas, I am ahead of myself. I have to get through this week of practices and work first, then next week. I'll worry about fall later. My single parent status won't change, so I'm sure the scheduling won't either. I do hope to report back sooner though and let you know how I'm doing.

Share your scheduling tips with me!

Posted by Tina Musial

The story on the Newswire this week is a single Eagle dad. His mate was injured in a battle over a nest and was taken by a wildlife expert to recooperate.

My point in highlighting the story is this: should people interfere and put the hatchlings in a safer spot or just let nature take care of its own? The humane and nurturing thing we immediately think of is to remove the eggs to a safe location.

But then what about the father? Isn't he able to manage and adapt like humans are? So, he has to leave the nest and find food - I do too. Ok, granted the situations are like crabapples and tangerines, but you get my drift.

Maybe the humans should just butt out and let the eagle try. You can't succeed if you never try, right? SO what if the other female eagle steps in to raise the baby?

There is two eggs in the nest now, but normal eagle practices will only allow one to survive. The parents pick the stronger of the two hatchlings and will feed it and nurture it, and neglect or even kill the other. Tis a sad fact of the animal world, but no one is mentioning that fact.

I think we should stay out and watch nature take its course. Afterall, it's done pretty good so far by itself.

Posted by Tina Musial

See Discussion on my Birthday party dilemna to get the "background" scoop...

The seven year old Birthday party was this weekend. I gave up the swimming party idea - since I knew one mom per three kids wasn't going to work - and booked the bowling alley.

I discovered some things about birthday parties that I had not experienced before...and will plan for in the future....

1 - Make them RSVP by a certain date. If there isn't a deadline, you probably won't hear from them. Out of 10 children, I didn't hear back from four of them.

2 - If they RSVP, you might still need to make contact with them the day before for reminders. I had four children RSVP but didn't show! Thank goodness the place was good enough to only charge me for who showed up - they even gave me a refund since I had pre-paid for 13 children (invitees and siblings), when only eight came.

3 - Only invite a handful of kids. I'm glad the other five didn't show up or I would have had a three ring circus going on, especially since:

4 - Get there early to prod the workers to set up your area. We arrived 10 minutes early and found that nothing was set up for us - no balloons, no table ware, bowling lanes were dark, no popcorn.

5 - Have mom help. Grandma is a pro and always seems to have enough hands to take over when yours aren't quite enough!

A birthday party out of your house will save on the mess and cleaning, but it won't be cheap. From the places I surveyed, five in the area, the average rate is $15 per child invited - counting invitations, stamps, thank you's, cakes, small favors and the entertainment. Not a cheap undergoing - but a potentially lucrative business if you can get into it!

Posted by Tina Musial

Today, at least in our school district, there isn't anything to test. I assume my little guy will be ready, but how do I know if I'm ready for him to go to Kindergarten????

I think the test was to reassure mothers that there children were adequately progressing and were ready to go to school. They knew shapes and colors, could hear, could see the eye chart, so hey, send them to school.

When my oldest went to Kindergarten, I knew he was ready. He is bright and smart and was completely bored all summer! I was ready for him to go to school until the bus came around the corner. That's when I knew the baby days were gone for sure. I was sad, and cried the whole walk home, but I had little brother still.

Until this fall. I'm already a mess thinking about it. WHen your youngest gets on the bus, it is like stepping into another world. No more carefree days of just going to the park or on a road trip. School. Everyday. For the next 13 years.

Playgroups are over. The toddler years are officially over. The pre-school years have even passed. Now it's Elementary school.

When it's your youngest, I think it's a blow. Growing old is now a realization and not just a distant thought. I have a few more months to reconcile with the idea that my baby is going to school. It will start next week when I register him for Kindergarten too. Where did those five years go???

Posted by Tina Musial

The real kicker was when the health insurance rep asked me about a certain prescription - which had been filled SEVEN year's earlier! He had a database with every medical event in my LIFE.

That was kind of scary. How did he access this? Can anybody get it? He knew about my ruptured appendix at 15, even though the health insurance questionnaire only asked for three years worth.

After the headache of the time spent, then I get a letter saying I'm rejected for pre-existing conditions. He had assured me, that my thyroid condition, being over a year old, would not matter. Frustration mounts.

I have since dealth with three other companies, working on a basic policy for my health. I'm only 32 years old, decent health, and have to pay an arm and a leg to get covered.

I see why so many people don't bother. My rates are going to be just over $200 every month for premiums. Then I will have any co-pays and things that they will not cover.

For the average family, the health insurance cost can be staggering. My kids are covered, so that rate is just for me. Covering everybody would be over $500 a month! Insane.

Something will have to be done with the health insurance issue. In ten years, who can afford to go to the doctor? On top of the increased cost of living each year, it will be $400 a month to cover one person's health insurance. And to even wonder what will happen when I hit senior citizen status.

That's funny - the insurance company happened to call while I was composing this. Since I need to change my effective date to a different month to start, it will now cost $5 more every month.

I wish I knew how to get into the insurance business. I know people have expenses, but it seems like a cash cow for the insurance companies.

They might cover little things, but I feel some excuse will pop out if something big happened...you didn't sign this release or you didn't tell us about the amoxicillin prescription back in 1986 so you're policy is void.

I hope my kids have good jobs and don't have to worry about this in the future!

Posted by Tina Musial

I have since forgotten what my topic was to be, so now I have a new one. Being twitterpated.

Huh? You know, the word in Disney's Bambi that Friend Owl defines. Everyone becomes twitterpated in the spring...meaning mating season for animals and everyone falls in love.

Do you feel "twitterpated" in the spring time if you are single? Scientists suggest female bodies are programmed to respond more in the spring. Their bodies produce children, so they (we) can relate more to the growth cycles in the sping versus the fall season.

Does feeling twitterpated happen even if you are with someone? Scientists again argue that yes, you are with someone and the urge to mate in the spring is stronger. It may not be an intense physical feeling, but more of a subconcious thing for women of childbearing age.

I found I am too...maybe it's a female thing. Emerging out of a long winter and feeling alive with the growth of everything around?

Maybe my brain is just maxed and I need sleep!

If Valentine's Day were to be moved later into spring, would it make a difference? What would like population be like! Imagine the extra twitterpated people on Valentine's Day and...well, you know.

I'll stop my ramblings now. Let me know if you are more twitterpated in the spring. Or are you a different season twitterpater-er?

Posted by Tina Musial

checked email, finished a project, emailed some more, then picked up the kids, cooked, cleaned, etc., etc. How do other people keep to discipline and write a daily journal?

If nothing else I proved that daily blogs are like New Year's Resolutions. They start out with the best of intentions, but after the first attempt they go haywire somewhere down the line. The pressure to remain consistent and not fall off sometimes causes us to do just that - fall with a great big splat!

I think I spend more time worrying about how and when than actually doing. If I could push everything aside and focus, I might be able to accomplish more tasks. But motherhood, and single motherhood, doesn't always allow time for focusing. Now it's time to get back on track. I'll start with my daily blog again...on Monday!

My thought for the weekend: Do you feel like a second class citizen with your single parent status? I recently read an article that talks about attitudes and views towards single parents. Women especially feel outed by being alone, and from other women. Why is this since women are supposed to stick together? I'll discuss this more in depth next week and reveal how I was treated with my newfound single status.