Melissa Dylan's Blog

Posted by Melissa Dylan

I’ve worked in a few offices where co-workers felt compelled to bring their children to work. Luckily, it was only on occasion, and luckily, the kids were old enough to be out of diapers.

However, in all instances, I, as the office administrator, was expected to watch the kids for a portion or all of the day while the parent worked.

Clearly this was abuse of company human resources—I was hired to make copies and answer the phone, not play 7,468 games of patty-cake. Additionally, as someone with absolutely no child-care experience, I felt exceptionally underqualified to act as a sitter for the day. Last but not least, I resented the employees (often bosses) who brought their kid to work, assuming I had nothing better to do than keep an eye on little Dennis the Menace. (Or assuming that I even wanted to or was capable of doing it.)

Because of this, the popular new concept of babies in the workplace alarms me a bit. In theory I am 100% pro-family, and support anything that creates a better work-life balance. However, as someone who was child-free by choice for most of my working life, I resent anything that favors parents over child-free workers. This concept is no exception. If the person at the next cubicle is given leeway to bring a baby to work, spending most of their day cooing, feeding, burping, and entertaining the child while receiving the same paycheck as me—and if that parent expects me to take over part of the time so they can get their actual work done—I am strongly against the concept. It simply isn’t fair.

More on that in Babies in the Workplace.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

During a temp job at the Federal Building in Honolulu, I fielded phone calls all day that went like this: “It’s too cold in here!” “It’s too hot in here!” “The air-conditioner is making too much noise!” “The air-conditioner isn’t working!”

Temperature in the workplace is a hot-button issue. No one can agree on how hot or cold it should be, and thermostats are often managed in one large control room for the whole building.

I say instead of trying to please everyone (impossible), building managers should strive to please the environment. In this building in particular there were more cold complaints than anything, and the air conditioners were kept running 24 hours a day, which everyone agreed was a waste of taxpayer money, if nothing else. If the machines were shut down at night and kept at a lower running temperature all day, it would have saved money and been good for the environment.

Another problem at this job was that the recycling bins were largely inaccessible, in the basement. Because of this, no one in our office bothered to recycle, and chose to throw everything in our rubbish bins where it would disappear overnight.

There were a few simple things that could have been done to remedy both situations, thus helping our environment and keeping the office “green.” Here are a few more suggestions in this week’s article.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

Hey, I'm an officer at a multinational. Since I do communication, a lot of bosses, one level above me, keep on trying to shove work my way. This puts me in an awkward position. Either I say "no, you're not the boss of me", and the person will hate me and shove the work my way anyway. Or, I do the work and get crushed under the load, working until 2 AM at night. Or, I do no work, which will get me fired in no time.

Crushed under Piles of Work

The answer is none of the above. Focus on your tasks in your job description, and those assigned by your direct supervisor.

I have been in this exact situation—someone over my own boss’s head was trying to get me to complete all of her work, and suddenly I couldn’t get anything done on my own. But this person did not have the authority to fire me. I spoke with my own boss about it, and he agreed that I was not responsible for any work that he did not personally assign. From then on, whenever this woman tried to pawn off work on me, I shoved it right back and told her to run it through my boss. She threw ten kinds of fits, but that didn’t help her whatsoever (and was kind of fun to watch).

Though the people in question are technically over your head, that doesn’t give them the right to stomp on you. If you aren’t able to do things outside the scope of your job and they fire you, then perhaps you’re better off to begin with.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

My coworker keeps trying to convert me! I'm tired of her preaching, and I almost wish it were the end of the world. Damn. If I curse enough, will she evaporate? What do I do?

Here’s an idea: pretend you’ve converted and start quoting scripture at her every time she breaks a biblical rule. It’ll be pretty easy since the bible doesn’t even want us to wear mixed fibers. The next time she shows up to work wearing both cotton and wool, remind her with much pity that she’s going to hell.

Option two: construct a Tower of Babel outside your cubicle. Every time she comes by to talk religion, exclaim loudly “I can’t understand you!”

Or? Invent a religion. Try to convert her. Explain that you don’t believe in hell, but those who disobey your personal Ten Commandments (including: rub my feet) are condemned to an extended stay at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch.

Honestly, though, if you’ve told her in no uncertain terms that you’re not interested in her conversion attempts, the next step is to discuss it with management. This is disrupting your work and isn’t relevant to your job. In some situations, being too aggressive in attempt for religious conversion can be considered harassment. Ask your boss to sit down with the two of you and hash it out.

Do this as a last resort, but it beats hoping she’ll turn into a pillar of salt.

Posted by Melissa Dylan

A friend of mine wants me to put in a good word for her at my company. The problem is, I think she would be a terrible employee. What do I do?

Unfortunately, stretching the truth may be your best option at this point. Vaguely indicate that they aren’t hiring, or the position she was seeking has been filled. “They’ve decided to go a different direction” is a phrase that no one can argue with.

If she insists, or knows for a fact that an opening is still available, stay vague and make no promises. “I’ll see what I can do,” is a good one. And throw in some white lies. “I hear they’re hoping to hire internally.” “Rumor has it, the boss’s nephew Jack is lined up for the job and interviews are just a formality.”

Let your employer discover for himself that your friend won’t fit the bill. If you truly feel she’d be the wrong person for the job, the person in charge of hiring will likely figure this out himself during the interview process. So don’t badmouth her…just let nature take it’s course. Buy her a drink to commiserate, and remind her of all the reasons you hate your job anyway. You’ll bond and she won’t be any the wiser.