Maryan Pelland's Blog

Posted by Maryan Pelland

Cruising the net this week, I found Parkinson's disease a big topic of conversation. Seems a recent study from Department of Environmental and Occupational Medicine at Aberdeen University Medical School, Aberdeen, U.K., may show a new place to look for causes.

Parkinson's is a condition that affects about 4 million people worldwide. Seems to be equal between men and women and hits people over 65 more often than younger people. The illness causes tremors, difficulty in moving limbs, facial tics. It's incurable and progressive.

According to an article from Yahoo News people with Parkinson's often had low to moderate exposure to pesticides in their medical history, or head trauma in their past. Researchers think people who were knocked unconscious once in their life, may have had 35% more likelihood of the illness. The implications there seem to be pretty relevant for boxers, sports players and the like.

The pesticide factor had less of a pronounced connection but still merits further study, they say. There also seems to be a genetic connection. Nothing is conclusive here. It's a set of pointers, evidently, for more research. But if your lifestyle connects with these things, you might talk with your doc - it never hurts.

The study is in the online May 30 edition of Occupational and Environmental Medicine. Most likely the entire study would bore most of us to sleep, but the articles at Yahoo, news that seems to echo info from several years ago at Mayo, might prove interesting.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

We're relocating from Florida to Mississippi - a daunting task at any time, but with today's slumped real estate market, it's mind boggling. If you must sell a home in todays' slumped market, ask the right questions to find the right agent.

We found, after interviewing four major chains, that the personality and willingness of the agent to work are key. And not all agents have the same drive, integrity, or desire to perform. We asked each sales person -- 1) Do you prefer selling homes or gathering listings for other agents to sell on a commission split? 2) When did you last sell a home? 3) How many homes are in your own inventory right now? 4) What is the average time to sell? 4)How long have you been in the business? 5) How long have you been in this area? 6) How do you feel about the challenges of today's market?

The first one we met was poised, well put-together and had a marketing education. She brought comparisons - listings similar to our home. Some actual sales, some still on the market. This agent told us she likes to be aggressive - listing her customer's homes on the internet and in print, while also contacting buyers she has worked with in the past. She emphasized the number of homes we were competing with, made it clear she would not negotiate her fees (she doesn't have to, she said, "if I can't sell your house, there are plenty of others"). She said she takes 6% if she has to share the commission with another agent, and 5% if she sells our home by herself. Her company also charges hidden fees at closing, that were mentioned very briefly. Nearly $200 in addition to the more than $10K commission. The fees are for "storing" your documents till closing. We passed on this company. She answered my questions -- but her answers didn't mesh completely with our goals and approach. The agent was fairly well-informed, but rigid in her approach.

Agent #2 was unsure of herself . She took no notes, walked briefly through our home, declined to look at the yard and made it clear that buyers only need to know how many bedrooms, baths, and how big the garage is. Everything else is just an aside. Hmmm. She couldn't answer many questions - didn't want to say when was the last time she sold a home. Wouldn't say how many homes she had in inventory. Couldn't make any suggestions about how we might improve our chances of selling. The comparisons she brought were taken from an area far from ours where homes have very different prices. She wanted us to list at about %30K below even today's soft prices. Her reason? She only takes listings priced to sell immediately. She isn't interested, she said, in breaking her neck working to sell a particular home when there are thousands on the books already . About today's market, she wrung her hands, looked worried and said, "Well, you can't expect much in the way of results. It's very, very bad out there." If she says that in an interview, what is she telling prospects as she shows homes?

The agent we chose came to the door on time, didn't have a bucketful of perfume on and looked business casual. Very warm and friendly, knowledgeable and prepared to talk with us. She showed us comps, and a map of their locations. They were right in our general neighborhood. She showed how and why she chose them to compare to our home. She showed a range of about $40K up and down that our home could fit in to. She answered every question we had, thoroughly. She was not put off by the questions. She negotiated a stronger commission reduction, should she sell on her own. She showed us her past record for this year. She carefully evaluated our home, and made a couple of very good suggestions. She told us her background, without being asked and talked about why she sells homes for a living. Her view on today's market is this: "It's a buyer's market, but people will always buy homes. If there is a lot of competition, you must, as in any marketplace, polish your product and your approach."

She was unintimidated, unworried, and had plans and goals to market our home. She agreed there are no guarantees, but customer service is her first concern and her goal is to sell her listings to the best of her ability.

I'm glad I asked a lot of questions. I'm looking forward to good results.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

The Aging and Grandparenting topic at Suite101 looks at pain management this week. Your health is important, and a strong meeting of the minds with your doctor may be the best medicine.

Here are some tips for getting the most from your time with healthcare practitioners.

Write all your questions down the night before your visit.

Put your prescription medications, in their original containers, in a large zip-type plastic bag to take with you.

Make notes about your symptoms and feelings if you aren't feeling your best.

Ask your spouse, significant other, best friend or a family member to come with you. Their job is to listen to you and to your doctor, maybe take notes, to be sure you can get all the information the doctor gives.

Ask lots of questions, don't be shy. Ask for an explanation in different terms if there is something you don't understand. Do that until you understand clearly.

Make sure you bring insurance forms, picture ID, and your co-payment. Allow yourself plenty of time to fill out forms or updates when you arrive.

Call ahead to ask if the doctor is running significantly late. Sometimes, you can plan to arrive later if you know what the doctor's day is looking like.

If the doctor fails to examine or evaluate the part of you that isn't feeling right, point that out and request that he/she take a look.

Here are some questions to ask once the doctor examines you.

What's causing my problems?

Can the issue be resolved without medication?

How can we be sure that's the problem? Are there tests that can help?

What are the possible outcomes of the problem and the treatment?

Are these tests covered by insurance carriers?

If there's a prescription involved, always ask what the possible side effects are and if generic drugs may be substituted without consequences.

When should I see you again?

Once you go home, revisit the information you were given. That's where your companion comes in, and where note-taking pays off. Read through the notes, ask your companion what he or she heard. Repeat what you heard and see if both versions agree. If not, call the doctor (or a pharmacist, sometimes) to clarify.

Follow all the doc's instructions carefully. Take all meds exactly as prescribed, for as long as prescribed. Keep notes on how you feel and on any changes you are aware of.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

CAMMY SEGUIN, Family Life Educator at the University of Illinois Extension Office has some important advice for those of us facing the deterioration of our parent or spouse’s mental capacities. She says, in an article in a Central Illinois Journal-Gazette online that patience and respect are key ingredients to successful interactions.

If we all keep that in mind in our dealings with other people, how can we fail?

Our parent or spouse, has been the object of our love for so many years, and now may have become our biggest challenge and the root of deep sadness in our life. So, says Seguin, “Begin by becoming aware of what your parent is going through. Try to see the adversity being faced through the eyes of the older person. Even if the parent has become confused, irritable or demanding, he deserves respect for perseverance and strength.”

She advises seeking professional help so you don’t feel like you’re all alone. Taylor any action plan to the specific needs of your loved one – pay attention to what gets a positive response and what makes you both more comfortable and secure.

I’ll add to that great advice – respect yourself, too. Make sure you arrange for support and help for yourself as caregiver. If you’re a mom (or dad), you remember how important it was to refuel yourself when you were busy raising your children. If you spent all your time and attention on the kids and neglected your own needs and well-being, you found quickly found yourself depleted. Your patience flagged, your energy level took a nose dive and your mood was often bleak.

Talk to your own physician about your health needs. Get regular checkups. Take medicines prescribed for you exactly the way you’re instructed to take them. Find some sort of respite care assistant, whether it’s another family member, a friend, or a hired sitter, so you can go out at least weekly to do something that makes you feel energized.

Make sure you get enough sleep and pay attention to the health component of your diet. If you need help or ideas, drop in at the Family Caregiver Alliance, National Center on Caregiving. They have amazing resources.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

Here's what's being rumored around the book and film industry about Harry Potter and company:

There's a new book, written by some teenagers, called What Will Happen in Harry Potter. It's full size, some 200 pages, outed last November by Ulysses Press. It's gone into seven printings with almost 200K copies sold. Hardly the official word, but there are some pretty gutsy predictions.

News from Warner Brothers is that Daniel Radcliffe has, for sure, signed to continue as Harry in the last two films. Chapter 5 is due out this summer, with filming of The Half-Blood Prince to begin in the fall. By the way, Radcliffe is doing a stage version of Equus in England. His role is serious and adult-oriented, of course, sinc ethe whole play is characterized by those adjectives. Some people are all a tizzy because he does a nude or semi-nude scene. The fear is that teen girls will run amock over that idea, or at least be confused about Harry's personality. My opinion--if teen age girls don't understand that Radcliffe is an actor and an adult, and if they will run amok over a stage role, we're in real serious trouble.

If you're looking for e-books of Harry - it won't happen, says J.K. Rowling. She doesn't want wholesale stealing of her prose. And stolen it has been. Rowling, according to news services has sued a concern in India for unauthorized e-books, and it's being reported that she's suing EBAY for allowing unauthorized copies of Harry Potteer to be auctioned. What a world - technology is the blessing and blight of our existance, no?

Here's a quote from Mugglenet..."A new survey, asking 4,000 UK residents which book they couldn't finish found Goblet of Fire at #2 - just under a third admitted to leaving some of the book unread."

I concur - it was draggy, and I'm worried about the final tome. I have been reading these aloud to my spouse, and it gets a bit more difficult with each volume. Consider, though, that you're talking thousands of pages of a single story - tough at best. Jean Auel carrie dher tale Clan of the Cave Bear pretty well till the last volume - here's hoping Rawling can sustain us through that final book.

The final Harry Potter book, Deathly Hallows, is due out July 21 -- you can pre-order it now form various booksellers. Better go out and get one for each of your grand kids...and one for yourself, as well.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

Here's a very clear answer to a question popular among grandparents whose families are having some domestic turmoil - divorce, separation, death of a parent - and grandparents worry about visiting their grandchildren:

From a blog from Georgia Family Law, Ten FAQs about family law :

Do grandparents have visitation rights to their grandchildren? Who may petition for visitation? Under what circumstances may a petition be filed?

Traditionally, the common law denied grandparents visitation with a child over a parent’s objections. But since 1965, all 50 states and the District of Columbia have enacted legislation enabling grandparents to petition the courts for visitation rights with grandchildren. The laws do not make granting of visitation rights automatic – they merely give grandparents the right to ask for a visitation order. Source: American Bar Association, Legal Guide for Older Americans, 1997.

Many states permit only grandparents to petition for visitation, but some have extended the right to other relatives, such as great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings, stepparents, and even non-relatives with whom the child has a close relationship. In these and other areas, state law governs. Most commonly, a grandparent (or other permitted third party) may petition for visitation after the death of a parent or upon divorce of the parents. Some statutes allow petitions when a parent is incarcerated, when a child is born out of wedlock, and when the child has previously lived with the grandparent.

And also in the news:

Petula Clark's grandparents died many years ago and she never knew where they were buried. Now she does. It seems Petula is in her mid 70s and still quite active in show business - you go girl.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

We've posted an article this week, Tracing Victims - WWII about the International Tracing Service, organized and operated by the Red Cross since the middle 1940's to help connect survivors and families after World War II and to help determine where victims' remains, if any, could be found.

After being hidden for more than 60 years, this tragic collection of records of Holocaust victims, ripped from the offices of the Third Reich by the Allies, has come to light.

There's sadness and grief, of course, as the stories are contemplated, but there's more, too - closure, as they say. The archive contains records of Anne Frank and her family after they were taken from Amsterdam. There are documents that clear up mysteries, answer old questions, identify heroes and point the finger at villains.

This is a boon to history - we are fortunate to have such and incredible collection - many of the documents look as clear and unfaded as they did in their day. The Bonn Agreement, a compendium of nations who govern the International Tracing Service, are amending thier rules to allow that it be open to research. The files are not a complete record of eveyrone who was captured, killed, wounded, or tortured. But consider - it's almost 20 miles of pieces of paper standing upright, not laid flat. That's a lot of information. A lot of history. May we, grandparents, children, grandchildren and generations to come, allow it to teach us to never forget the tragedies of war - any war.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

Here are some interesting snippets about Grandparent wealth and spending patterns when it comes to grandchildren. The info was pulled from an article by Monica Hatcher in the Miami Herald,

• Born between 1946 and 1964, the 78-million-strong boomer generation controls almost 75 percent of the country's personal wealth and last year was responsible for more than $1 trillion in consumer spending, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
• The AARP says 32 million grand boomers are already spending twice as much annually on their grandkids than previous generations.
• Indeed, grandparents buy one of every four toys, four of every 10 baby books and one of five video games, according to data gathered by the GrandParent Marketing Group. Typically, grandparents purchase the largest and most expensive items on the mother's baby shower registry.
• Hatcher says, some grand boomers feel they need to make up for their own perceived failings as young parents -- moms might have drank alcohol or smoked, dads may have driven around with baby on his lap. Also, boomer parents were the first in a generation of mothers and father who both went to work

I don't know for sure, but seems to me part of why I spend money on my grandkids, and I don't spend anything near a trillion bucks, is I love to see them get excited. Another reason - I didn't have much in the way of discretionary income when my kids were growing up - I bought Christmas gifts in the 'last month's hot toy clearance aisle' at you-know-what-r-us or good books.

Seems to me, we worked hard to raise kids, thinking more about dangers, and accountability and consequences than about amassing material possessions. I had no time for drinking - and with kids underfoot, smoking funny weed was not even an option. I quit cigarettes long, long ago.

Now, I can ease up and be a great grandma, spend what money I have to please people I love, or I can sock it all away to pass on when I die. Now what fun would that be?

Let's relax and enjoy our little ones!

Posted by Maryan Pelland

They say you can't get shingles if you never had chicken pox - but anyone who has had chicken pox can certainly come down with shingles at any random point. Some half a million Americans get it each year. The long and short of it is, the FDA approved a vaccine, trade named Zostavax, for anyone at risk who is 60 or older. Shingles usally affects older people, says WebMD.

Shingles is sort of a reactivation of little critters left behind by chicken pox. Only they don't come back as itchy lesions, they come back very painful say people who have had the condition. And shingles can cause long-term affects, in about 1/3 of people, like recurring pain for a lifetime. In rare occasions, according to the U.S. National Library of Health, lesions in or near the eyes can cause temporary or permanent sight impairment.

The next step for you, if you had chicken pox, is to talk with your doctor about the vaccine. The medication is effective, experts say, about half the time, so it isn't fool proof. Ask your doc about side effects and so forth. Some people are reporting difficulty in getting the drug - so if you htink you're a candidate, I wouldn't wait long before inquiring. Maybe you can get on a waiting list or something with your provider. The vaccine is an injected triple dose of chicken pox and the protection is thought to last about 4 or 5 years. A booster version might be on the horizon.

I have read, across the Web, that it can be costly - $150 to $200. I don't know if your insurance would cover a Zostavax injection, but you can check with your carrier - some cover, some don't. For myself and my fmaily, I'm not in favor of over medicating. HIstory has shown some risks associated with some vaccinations. But folks who have had shingles tell me it just is not worth the risk to wing it.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

We've talked before about grandfamilies - they're becoming more and more prevalent. These are the families where, for some reason, parents are gone or incapacitated so grandmother and grandfather take over the role of parenting for their grand children.

There is a news story right now about a pending announcement boosting financial assistant from the government to grand families.

The catch? The government in question is New Zealand. The headline, from Radio New Zealand online is "Government Minister Promises Actioon on Fostering by Grandparents." The shame is - this story is not much different from the stories we've seen periodically here in the U.S. and Canada.

Last month, Canadian MInister of Youth Services, Mary Anne Chambers announced, according to the Toronton Star, that grandparents may be eleigble for a $900 a month foster care stipend. Chambers noted that only about 10% of kids available for adoption in Canada find permanent homes. Road blocks to financial assistance prevent fmaily members form being able to offer such homes. Have you ever tried to raise a child on $900 a month?

Grandparents do their best to lobby, informally, for better assistance through local, state and federal representative and receive a lot of verbal empathy. But not much real help.

I see more and more groups forming - support groups for grand families - and they are doing their homework and working their butts off to make the plight of at least some of these blended families known. It's slow going. Governments are too busy, maybe with wars and things, to notice a growing crisis.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

Everybody likes getting something for nothing. My grandma said there's no such thing as a free lunch, but there are plenty of promtional offers you can advantage. I surfed around today to find some freebies that seems related to our generation or at least appropriate for us to take a look at. Enjoy.

1. Free Sample of Pepcid AC from the manufacturer. Registration onsite required. Info available about several over the counter products.
2. Free investment advice from the Federal Citizen Information Center, formerly the U. S. Government Printing Office.
3. From a major soap company, free and special product offers. There's generally at least one free one on the page.
4. Free daily word puzzle games online, right in your browser. Registration required, but it's a fun site. Upper left corner of the front page has the links to puzzles.
5. Free blessed blanket for your soldier in Iraq or any loved one in dire difficulty. When my kids were deployed, this group brought me peace and sanity. They sent a blanket to each of my three kids. And we were warm and safe. Everyone came home. Please, please use this wisely. Scroll to page bottom and make your request for a blanket prayed over by some very kind people.
6. Free sewing, knitting, crochet patterns. Registration required, but it's a great site. Lots of fun.
7. Free computer wallpapers of every imaginable kind. Reputed to be a spy-ware-free site.
8. This is fantastic. The American Society on Aging offers free on-demand seminars. One is called The Legal and Ethical Issues of Aging.
9. Free classes from Suite101.com. Many topics. Easy to navigate. Learn at your own pace.
10. Free books from Project Gutenburg. Downloadable. Or read online. Two million books. Even if you never download a book, this site is marvelous to browse. Registration is not required. They accept donations, but don't require them, either.

That's a start. There are a lot of free offers online. They change everyday. A few cautions. Take care with giving information to anyone. Beware of free offers that cost money. Some sites can load your computer up with spy ware ad markeitng cookies. If it looks like there's a catch to an offer - walk on by.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

I'm big on Quick Lists when I share information with you. Saves you time - saves me pixels. Let's take a look at half a dozen ways to delight your grandchildren on the coming Valentine's Day holiday. You don't have to spend a lot, in fact, sometimes, the best presents cost very litte. The key is putting something of grandmother and grandfather's personality in the treat.

1. Make a handprint of yours to give to them. I know, it's usually the other way around, but what fun to give grandchildren a plaque for their wall. And how fun will it be to put your hands into plaster and play for a few minutes? I'd draw the line at footprints, however. Too much plaster needed...
2. Spend an afternoon making chocolate treats with your grandchildren. It's a mess, but the memory lasts forever and the end-product tastes great. Find materials you need at most local large chain craft stores. Make it from scratch or use purchased chocolate. Yes, grandmothers can do this, but grandfathers, you don't get a pass -- you can do it, too.
3. Personalize a field trip. Go to the zoo. Just you and your grandchild or grandchildren. Or the park, or on a boat excursion, or to Disney World, if you can afford it. But make a special trip to a special place with your special kid. I took my daughter to Disney World when she was 11. I told her she owned the park for the day and we'd do anything she wanted. She's 23 now and that's one of her fondest memories. She's waiting for the day she can do it with her son.
4. Buy a special book. Books are forever. You not only give a gift, you nurture a healthy habit. For little kids, buy a beautiful, easy book and read it to them. Over and over. For bigger kids - buy a chapter book at age level or above and read it to them a chapter or story at a time. Buy 2 copies, if you're far away. Send one to the child, keep one and do the reading by phone.
5. Send flowers or go out to dinner all dressed up. Send colorful, simple flowers like daisies. No parents invited to the dinner date. A grown-up gift shows respect for a special grandchild. This is a real winner with teens. Well, the guys don't admit to liking flowers, so stick with a food event for them.
6. Live in a warm climate? Buy flower or vegetable seeds and plant them together. Cold climate? Frostbite is never a good gift, so find a nice, warm museum and spend the afternoon talking about what you see. Or maybe just ride the local commuter train to the end of the line and enjoy the views.

Doesn't sound so tough, does it? Go ahead and send the traditional Valentine card with hearts and cartoons guys on it - the grandchildren will put it in their scrap book. But give them some of your time, too. They will put that in their own hearts.

Here's a discussion board where you might find other Valentine info.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

Yahoo News quoted Reuters this morning - seems Mr. Bush is rattling sabres about slowing the growth of Medicare spending, but doesn't have anything concrete to say about the method. I've worked for organizations who do that - and it's frustrating.

Like this...yeah, anytime now, we're going to roll out a brand new fix. And it never happens, or the fix kills the patient.

Here's the Reuters quote:

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The Bush administration will offer specific proposals to slow growth in Medicare spending in its new budget but would not provide specific details, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson told The Wall Street Journal in an interview published on Friday. The budget for fiscal year 2008 will include a number of "incremental changes" to government health programs, including some to slow the projected 7-percent annual growth in Medicare spending," Paulson told the Journal.

Let's hope the cure isn't worse than the illness. This week in Aging/Grandparents at Suite101.com, we discussed the difficulties of providing care to frail family members and we looked at grief with help from nationally known speaker and author Carol Bradley Bursack, a friend of this section at Suite101.

Join us if you need support or are curious about those issues. The medicare thing - well, that's likely to be ongoing for quite a while. I wouldn't spend much time worrying about it till we see what happens.

Want to open a discussion about the blog, or add a comment to one?

You might find more to interest you about Mr. Bush at Women Day by Day.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

For many years the medical lore has said brain cells start dying off in our mid-20s and we can never get them back. Well, if you didn't see Katie Couric's Evening News this week, you're in for a pleasant surprise.

According to Dr. Sanjay Gupta and his guest interviewee, Professor Arthur Kramer of the University of Illinois in Urbana, not only can you arrest brain degeneration with age, you can reverse it. By walking. That's right. Simple, easy, pleasant walking. You don't have to do it with 5 pound weights in your hands. You don't have to jog. Take a walk. Every day, if you can, but anyway, as often as possible. Walk as briskly as you're comfortable doing.

Kramer said, in a taped interview which is available at CBS Web,

"We found in our study that walking will increase the volume of the brain, increase the efficiency of the brain and increase improvements in the number of cognitive functions such as memory and attention."

Kramer imaged brains of 60 people before and after a six-month daily walking regimen. He found a visible difference in important areas of brain tissue.

Do you get the ramifications? If these guys are right, you don't have to fear losing your mind or your memory, you need only fear a sedentary lifestyle, which is a crashing bore, anyway. A lot of good things have come from the University of Illinois over the years - silos, the transistor, and parts of the Internet, to name a few. Let's hope this is another. Get out there!

Foot note to today's news about seniors - Mohammed Ali (Casius Clay) turned 65 today. Happy birthday, Champ.

Jump into a discussion on this blog topic, or comment on any other posting...

Posted by Maryan Pelland

1. What did cave ladies get for Valentine's Day? .....ughs and kisses.
2. Valentine's Day might have come from Lupercalia, an erotic sort of Mardi Gras in honor of Juno Februata, the goddess of fevered passion. Put your name in a hat for this ancient Roman rite - have it drawn by a partner and pair up for, well, whoopy!
3. Maybe it was in honor of Lupercus who protected people from wolves. Same deal, draw names, pair up - but for more innocent pastimes. Then the male partner was obligated to keep the female safe from animals for a year.
4. Greeks say their ancients celebrated a month of marriages in February (or around then) that culminated in a celebration of the wedding of Zeus and Hera.
5. American Greetings says, "Legend purports St. Valentine himself actually sent the first valentine greeting. While in prison, he allegedly fell in love with his jailor's daughter. According to the story, before his death, he wrote her a letter signed, “From your Valentine,” a message that is still in use on modern-day cards." hmmm - a bit self serving on the part of retailers? BTW - ecards are out-popularing traditional cards with every passing year.
6. Some say card and chocolate companies cooked up the whole Valentine thing to spur sales.
7. Well, the best I can do to explain why we give chocolates to symbolize love - chocolate creates the same chemistry changes in the brain that sexual pleasure does. And you won't get pregnant - not that we who are 50 plus would likely....
8. While lots of people give roses for Valentines, florists will tell you the actual flower symbolizing February is the violet. But any man will tell you - he doesn't feel he'll get very far with a hand full of violets.
9. Flowers all have a meaning when presented to a woman - like white roses mean pure thoughts, red are passion, white and red mixed indicate unity, and so forth. Here's an extensive list of meanings - maybe you can use flower language to forward your cause with a certain someone?
10. Flowers are still the most popular gift, though romantic getaways, jewelry and lingerie follow closely. More men than women gift loved ones with Valentines.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

No writer can be all things to her audience, and I don't pretend to be. I cover topics of interest for active seniors and grandparents,but I recognize and try to address issues that affect us, or our parents, even when we can't be active.

Think about those things, if they affect your life. Do you have family members who need nursing home care, or would benefit from a visit to a geriatric specialist? Do you feel like it might be time to think about the convenience of assisted or independent living in a group-type setting like a senior apartment complex?

Do you want to know about long-term care and insurance to cover it? Anything else on your mind?

Let me, for the time being, refer you to our archive of discussions sparked in the past by excellent, qualified writers on Suite101.com. They are read-only...meaning you can't reply or ask questions on that particular page. But you can come back to our discussion section here and post your comments or questions. Join the discussion -- I'm interested in anything you have to say.

Posted by Maryan Pelland

New Year’s resolutions don’t work. Most of the time. They just make us feel bad because we don’t keep them. But here’s one that’s so easy you can’t fail. One that will bring you bucketsful of happiness. It’ll help other people, too, and make you sleep better. I promise.

Here it is: Volunteer to do something in your community for one hour per week for the rest of the year. Then do it. For real.

I just joined an organization called RSVP, a part of Senior Corp. RSVP hooks up people 55 and over with volunteer opportunities in their own communities. They listen carefully to what you want to do, what you like, and who you are. They match your skills and wants with opportunities. There are some international volunteer options that can be done online or by phone, but most are local.

You can sign up on the RSVP Web site or you can find their local chapter in your area. Or you can opt to ask your county or city government to point you toward whatever volunteer organization may exist there. But so something.

I wrote about being a fantastic grandpa, why not incorporate your grandfather skills into volunteer work?

When I interviewed Art Linkletter, 94 year-old entertainment veteran, he told me sharing yourself and your resources with others adds immeasurable joy to your life and he thinks it actually increases your life expectancy.

For me, it turned into two gigs. I’m going into training in a few weeks with the Guardian ad Litem program http://www.guardianadlitem.org/. They’ll teach me to advocate in court for children whose homes are at risk and need court intervention. I can’t wait. First of all, those who know me say with my penchant for talking, I’d be a natural in court. Secondly, one of my high priorities is children’s wellbeing. It’s a great fit.

I also hooked up with the RSVP chapter here to serve on their advisory board. Total time commitment should be less than 8 hours per month for both projects. The board meets 4 times a year. The Guardian project allows me to decide how big a case load I can handle. It’s a perfect match for me.

If you’re more of a shy person who wants to do something a little less public – you can do anything you enjoy. Type. Make phone calls. Mentor. Be on call to help at local events on occasion, nothing regular.

Think about this – pick one thing in your town that isn’t working right – help make it work. Help found a non-profit or help find funding, if you’re real energetic. Do something about Americans going to Iraq.

There’s no reason, if you’re in fair health and mobile, that you can’t make a difference. Even if you’re not mobile – check out what’s needed in your community.

It’s easy. Fun. Rewarding. Check it out.

Want to tell us your New Year's Resolution - or talk about volunteering?

Posted by Maryan Pelland

As a grandmother and a military mom, I am terrified of Mr. Bush's plan for Iraq. The speech comes tonight but word is out the man plans to embed more of our troops into Iraqi units. Now keep in mind, these Iraqi units are composed of men who run away when the going get tough. Many of them switch sides when the other side has more to offer. Their people have been fighting unending wars for a thousand years. It's what they do. They don't want to win or bring change or revel in democracy. They want to fight. Sometimes. Other times, they want to expound on why they fight.

And our young men and women are dying by the thousands right now for a very nebulous set of reasons that change with the wind out of Washington. Now more will be blown over there and blown up.

How many grandparents do you know who have lost grandkids or are grieving over the maiming or crippling of grandkids? How many parents have lost their child - or part of their child, or more than one? Thousands. I know. I'm a military mom with multiple kids in service. I know first-hand what it's like to have real people you know and love deployed to the desert with substandard equipment, pathetic training, and not much truth about what they're doing and where they're going.

It's not a question of do we respect, value and feel gratitude to our military people and military families. It's an issue of, as one senator said this morning, knowing the idea of invading Iraq to spread democracy through the world is a cruel joke.

We are not winning anything, we aren't spreading anything but a very thick layer of political BS, hoping to save face for some powers that be.

The only difference between this situation and Viet Nam is this is an all volunteer military. No one, so far, is being drafted. So, disgruntled, but not motivated, people are talking about how unhappy the situation is. Talking too quietly. Do some reading - you may find something to be very frightened of. The idea of drafting people is not a smoky dream. We are running out of human resources. Where will these new thousands of soldiers come from? Redeploy the ones who came home? Men and women struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder?

No matter where those troops come from, families will change and suffer as Mr. Bush pushes on.

I know what it feels like to wait every single day - 392 days, to be precise, for the doorbell to ring and someone to tell you your family is now and forever smaller. I lucked out. The doorbell did not ring and my soldier is back. My sailors are, for the moment, safe.

But my soldier has injuries that weren't visible on the battlefield.

Those kids come home (and they are kids) to find little help from the military, government or VA. They can't find jobs. Some can't hold jobs if they find them because loud noises send them diving for cover. They dream of kids blown up in front of their eyes and of their friends being burned to death before them. Their lives are crashing down and their families disintegrating.

Now, more will go and some will return - to find even less help in a system bogged down with too many people needing help and not enough motivation to provide help. And more will die.

It might be time to resurrect the strength and principals baby boomers had in another war in another place and talk very loudly to the people we sent to Washington.

Visit the discussion forum and tell us where you stand and what you think.

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Posted by Maryan Pelland

At the Consumer Electronics Show this month, you could find all the newest, coolest gadgetry that we'll be coveting for the next year and beyond. One of the biggest trade shows there is, CES is the open marketplace of the 21st Century.

Some of the eye-catching toys included Alienware, a computer appliance to make all your current gadgets network into one operating center, as I understand it. There were personal video players like SanDisk's Sansa View that gets video off MP3 players and helps cure eyestrain with bigger screens. As it should be.

There are the usual camera advances, music players, TV stuff and so forth, but I really don't see anything extreme, unless I'm missing it. For boomers, the focus should be all on portability for travel, I think. Look into music and video appliances, multi-task gadgets and book readers. We'll review a lot of those things in our regular articles like our current review of Nintendo DS Lite. And speaking of games, they were out in full force at the show - marketing moguls assure me the most sought after audience for games is us. Boomers, seniors, elders. Keep an eye on what develops for us in the coming year. Keep an eye on Aging and Grandparenting site at Suite101 -- we're reviewing lots of electronics for your lifestyles.

HD TV is still a hot topic and LG’s new DVD player handles Blue Ray and HD DVD (also standard DVD) for about $1200. There’s a new disk that will contain both formats so you can use it on either of the new types of player. So it’s marching on very quickly. Nice time to jump into HD if you're so inclined. There's a link below to our review of the two types of TV.

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Learn about high def TV from Suite101.

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