Putting Children First

Posted by Cynthia Peterson Mar 15, 2007

Maybe its just me but I can't believe how many people continue to put their own needs above those of their children. They comment in the discussion forum about children who are acting out, showing signs of jealousy, failing to bond and children who refuse to blend.

I can't reiterate enough how important it is to help your child heal and return to wholeness before you ask them to accept another person or persons into their life. Parents go through a process before they decide to divorce. Relationships don't just suddenly fall apart, although it may seem that way to the children as they are usually informed that their parents are going to divorce right before one or the other parent moves out. They need a period of time to grieve the loss of their family. Children don't need the added burden of adjusting to a new person they may not even care for.

Another point I want to make is that when I say "Blended Family" I mean people who are married or about to be married. If you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation and your child is obviously unhappy about it end the relationship. Your primary concern must be your children. They will grow up and away soon enough and then you can do whatever you want. Until then every decision you make must be in the best interest of your child/children.

"What about me?" You may ask. "Isn't my happiness important?" In a nutshell, no. You abdicated that right when you decided to become a parent. From that moment on your happiness needed to be directly linked to that of your child. What makes them happy should make you happy. The only exception to this is if you are still married. The primary relationship in a married home should be that of the husband and wife, but if you are single numero uno is your child.

I know this view may make me incredibly unpopular, but you know what if it saves one child's happiness and leads one parent to make a decision based on the benefit of their child and not themselves, its worth it.