Increase Control, Manage Stress

Posted by Lisa C. DeLuca Jul 29, 2008

According to the formula for determining stressful jobs in the workplace, people who are independent appliance repair men have one of the most stress-free jobs around. They have high control (i.e. control over their own schedule, whether or not they accept you as a customer, etc.) and they have low demand (they fix it when they fix it.) Jobs with low control and high demand, on the other hand, cause the most stress. Think of family caregivers.

Studies have shown that the mere perception of having control reduces stress, even if the perception is false. Making a list of everything that feels so out of control can be helpful. When looking at the list, you may find that you can gain control of some of these things by using some creativity. Do the same with the demands. If at the end of the day the demands are more than what is humanly possible to meet, this may motivate you to enlist help.

If a loved one needs surgery, the caregiver doesn't perform it, a surgeon is hired. The same principle can be applied to other types of care, whether it is bathing, monitoring, or cooking/feeding. Spouses, when they are well, take care of each other. When one becomes ill, the well spouse not only has to take care of him, she also loses the support for herself she once had. This is an enormous shift.

There is no rule that requires the spouse to do it all alone. Feeling the stress of it is a normal part of being human, not a sign of failure. Enlisting help is an act of problem solving that can benefit both parties ,and create a more peaceful atmosphere that is conducive to mutual healing.