Lisa C. DeLuca's Blog
Posted by Lisa C. DeLuca
Many years ago, I quit my job and went back to school to pursue my lifelong desire to become a family therapist. The reaction people had to me at that time was stunning. When people heard I was pursuing a life-long dream they became wistful, teary eyed, and eminently supportive. Even those who had hoped I would take some other career path - those who would finally have to face the fact that their dreams for me would never come true - even they could not help but be happy for me. Why?
I think that humans are born with an inner knowledge that we are each here for a reason. We seem to have an intuitive understanding that each of us has unique gifts that benefit the world in some way when they are used. And I believe that each person desires nothing more than to express these gifts.
But somewhere along the way we forget this. We lose our faith and we become distracted, despondent, bored, self conscious, self-doubting, caught up, enslaved, addicted, numb, confused, unsure.
I want to say this emphatically : it is never too late to pursue your dreams. I was in my thirties when I finally did, I don't care if you are in your sixties - you could live another 20 or more years! I know people in their eighties who are making a difference finding and pursuing their path.
People ask me how I discovered what I wanted to do. The truth is I didn't discover it, I had always known, I just wasn't listening. Maybe you know too. Maybe it's not 100% clear, but if you are open to following where the currents lead you it should become clearer.
I've written a couple of articles on this. The second one is about spirituality which is the part of human beings where this inner wisdom is stored. Spirituality goes hand in hand with personal development, IMHO. I hope these help motivate you.
How to Achieve Your Personal Best
Spirituality vs. Religion: Don't Let Problems With Religion Hinder Your Spiritual Life and Growth
Posted by Lisa C. DeLuca
Parenting can have more ups and downs than the biggest roller coaster ride you've ever taken.
One of the reasons parenting can be so challenging is that it sparks so many emotions, many of them completely contradictory, and you feel them all at exactly the same time. It is not easy to love a child so much that you would throw yourself in front of a bus to save her, and to be so annoyed at that child that it's hard to be in the same room with her.
People have difficulty feeling contradictory emotions simultaneously. It is unsettling. They feel like they need to resolve it, one way or the other. Once parents realize that this is the nature of parenting, they can let it go, learn to be ok with it without trying to solve it. In the end, the love is more important.
Another reason parenting is so difficult is that it puts you in the role of teacher. As teacher, you are challenged to grow as a person, to make sure that you are practicing what you preach. For putting parents in this position, children are a precious gift, IMHO. In helping them evolve as people, if we open up enough, they in turn help us evolve at the level of our very souls.
All of this personal evolution can be exhausting. Here are a few resources to help. Hint: if you want your children to be confident, you be confident, if you want your children to be joyful, you be joyful, etc.
The last article listed here is a review of a book written by Janine Caffrey. This book is essential reading for parents of this generation. Happy reading!
Celebrate Spring WIth Your Kids
Advice to Parents of Generation Me: How to Motivate Your Children to Achieve
Posted by Lisa C. DeLuca
In addition to treating panic disorder in my psychotherapy practice, and working with families and individuals on their life journeys, I have the privilege of working with family caregivers who are caring for loved ones at the end of life.
Witnessing the end of life process alongside these caregivers has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It astounds me that we are so protected from aging, death and dying in our culture, that most people will never be exposed to the valuable lessons to be learned about life from this perspective. As Dr. Melvin Morse, a near death experience researcher pointed out, we all know how we are born but none of us know how we die.
How have we let this happen? The truth is that we cannot insulate ourselves from death, no matter how much we try to deny its existence. What is most important to people at the end of their lives? Why are we here? What do people regret at the end of life? What happens after death?
These topics fascinate me because they inform us how to live. I've shared some of what I've learned in this aticle. Related articles are in the "Hospices" category of the "Caregiver Support" topic and are related to caring for people who are dying, including how to talk to a dying person.
More of my caregiver support articles are here:
How to Prevent Caregiver Holiday Blues
How to Prevent Caregiver Christmas Depression
What Family Caregivers Need: How to Tell Friends How to Help
How to Ask for Help from Family and Get it
The Elder Care Challenge: Accepting Help
Lessen Caregiver Burden by Getting Help
Crisis Mode & Caregiver Stress: Prevent Burnout
Stress Management for Caregivers
Two Simple Ways to Ease Caregiver Depression
These articles and others I've written here are dedicated to all of the brave caregivers who have given me the privilege of walking alongside them and witnessing their late life journeys.
Please contact me or add a comment to the articles if you have questions.
Posted by Lisa C. DeLuca
When I was in graduate school I was shocked and appalled at how misunderstood panic attacks were by the people who were being trained to treat them. Since graduate school doesn't provide the training needed to treat panic disorder (at least mine didn't) I realized that people would have a difficult time finding someone to treat their panic attacks.
Since I was lucky enough to already have had some training in cognitive behavioral treatment of panic disorder, I decided to specialize in it. Recent studies are showing that cognitive-behavioral therapy alone is preferable to combining the therapy with medication. Medication alone is the least effective option long-term. Panic disorder is one of the easiest disorders to treat, though finding a specialist to treat you may be difficult.
Self-help is useful but it is not a substitute for treatment. I have written several articles about panic disorder on this site to help inform people who are having panic attacks, and motivate them to seek treatment. There is hope, even though it might feel hopeless. Even if panic attacks are due to something other than panic disorder, it is possible to find ways to cope better.
I hope you find these articles useful.
Going Crazy or Dying of Panic?
The Many Causes of Panic Disorder
Some Chronic Symptoms of Anxiety
Posted by Lisa C. DeLuca
According to the formula for determining stressful jobs in the workplace, people who are independent appliance repair men have one of the most stress-free jobs around. They have high control (i.e. control over their own schedule, whether or not they accept you as a customer, etc.) and they have low demand (they fix it when they fix it.) Jobs with low control and high demand, on the other hand, cause the most stress. Think of family caregivers.
Studies have shown that the mere perception of having control reduces stress, even if the perception is false. Making a list of everything that feels so out of control can be helpful. When looking at the list, you may find that you can gain control of some of these things by using some creativity. Do the same with the demands. If at the end of the day the demands are more than what is humanly possible to meet, this may motivate you to enlist help.
If a loved one needs surgery, the caregiver doesn't perform it, a surgeon is hired. The same principle can be applied to other types of care, whether it is bathing, monitoring, or cooking/feeding. Spouses, when they are well, take care of each other. When one becomes ill, the well spouse not only has to take care of him, she also loses the support for herself she once had. This is an enormous shift.
There is no rule that requires the spouse to do it all alone. Feeling the stress of it is a normal part of being human, not a sign of failure. Enlisting help is an act of problem solving that can benefit both parties ,and create a more peaceful atmosphere that is conducive to mutual healing.
