Saying No Without Feeling Guilty

Posted by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen May 1, 2007

I picked my car up at the mechanic's shop yesterday, and arranged to take the car back in a couple of days and have the rest of the work done. No problem. I asked if I could pay both bills at the same time -- the first was minimal, the later one is gonna be huge -- when all the work is done in two days. Okay, she said. Then she grumbled about balancing her month end stuff, threw my bill into a corner, and refused to look at me again.

She was mad -- at me.

Why is it my fault?! Because I asked for what I wanted? Geez. If she wanted me to pay right then, she should have asked me to pay then. Instead she complied with my request and got mad at me. She was angry and resentful. I paid the bill.

This is a common problem for women, I think. We agree to do things we don't want to do, and then we get mad at other people -- as if it's their fault! But it's not. If you agree to do something, then do it without grumbling or getting angry. If you don't want to do it, then don't. If you do it for altruistic reasons, then find another way to express your anger or resentment. Don't take it out on people who ask for stuff!

Learn how to say no without feeling guilty, or yes without getting mad.