Q: How Do I Leave My Abusive Boyfriend?

Posted by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Jul 18, 2009

A reader shared how her abusive boyfriend treats her in my article, 4 Different Types of Abuse. He calls her names, controls her behavior, and dictates how she spends her money. He tried to choke her, and kill himself.

If you're in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, here are some steps to leaving your boyfriend or girlfriend:

1. Get help from your friends and family. Stop hiding the fact that you're in an abusive relationship -- your friends and family might even have guessed it anyway! Tell at least three people you trust what's been happening with your partner, and ask them to help you leave the relationship. Also -- remember that there are stages to leaving an abusive relationship.

2. Call a domestic abuse hotline. Get professional support from a distress line, help line, abuse hotline, a counseling center -- anywhere. Call any social services organization, even if you think they can't help. Ask them how to get the help you need. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

3. Recognize that you're WORTH IT. You do NOT deserve to be abused. You are a valuable, special, unique, and important human being who deserves to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. You should not stay with anyone who treats you badly -- no matter how long you've been together or what he/she threatens to do if you leave.

4. Talk to other women who survived abuse. Find a support group -- online or in person. Get strength and courage from women who have left their abusive boyfriends or husbands. Don't try to leave alone. There's strength in numbers!

Read How Do You Leave a Mentally Abusive Relationship? for help. You might also want to read Tips for Getting Over Addictive Relationships.

Remember -- you're not alone! You can create a better life for yourself, like other women have done. But the first thing you have to do is leave your emotionally or physically abusive partner. And, remember that you WILL find someone else to love and who will love you in a healthy, respectful way.

Be strong and take care of yourself, my friend.