Q: How Do I Cope With Grief Over the Death of My Son or Daughter?

Posted by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Aug 10, 2009

One of my most popular and most sad articles in Psychology is Mourning a Lost Child: Grieving the Death of Your Son or Daughter. It's sad mostly because there's little I can do or say to help parents who have lost their children.

Recently, a woman asked how she copes with grief over the death of her son. Though I don't have all the answers, I do have some suggestions:

Allow the full range of feelings. When you're grieving, you'll feel anger, disappointment, frustration, guilt, regret, and numbness. Let yourself experience every feeling, no matter how uncomfortable they are. Express your feelings by finding a private place to yell and wail (sitting in your car in an empty parking lot can be very private), writing, talking to friends, blogging, painting -- anything that you find helpful in releasing emotions.

Accept your positive feelings. Many people who are mourning the death of their sons or daughters feel guilty if they laugh at a joke or start to feel positive about life again. Part of mourning and healing is moving forward into pockets of happiness and joy -- and moving back into pain and darkness again. This is normal. When you feel good, savor the moment! It's OKAY to move on and be happy. Being happy doesn't mean you're not mourning or that you've forgotten your lost child...it just means you're healing, and that's what your son or daughter would want for you.

Get counseling. Talk to a certified counselor or psychologist about the stages of grief, and how to cope with the death of your son or daughter. This is probably the most traumatic thing you'll ever experience, and it's wise to get help.

Join a grief support group. Connecting with other parents who are grieving the deaths of their children may help you feel less alone. You'll be able to help them mourn their children by sharing your own story...and they'll help you cope by sharing their loss.

Articles to help with coping with grief over the death of your son or daughter:

• Grief: Loss of a Loved One
• Creative Ways to Cope With Pain
• 5 Tips for Dealing With Grief During the Holidays
• Coping With the Guilt of Your Pet's Death (I wrote this article to help people deal with pet loss -- but the 4 points apply to losing your child, spouse, or family member)
• Tips for Grieving Widows or Widowers (again, the tips are helpful for anyone who has lost a loved one)

Another way to express your grief is to write about it. You're welcome to share your stories and memories about the loss of your son or daughter here....