How to Deal With the End of a Friendship

Posted by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Nov 4, 2009

On my When a Friendship is Over article, a reader asked for ways to deal with the end of a friendship. Here are a few suggestions, plus links to articles about healing female friendships and toxic friendships.

If you're dealing with the end of a toxic friendship (and ending even toxic friendships can be painful!), remember that it's healthier for you to be clear of the relationship. It may feel bad or difficult to let your friend go, but if you focus on the ways your life will improve, you might feel better.

Remind yourself of the frustrations - of why the friendship had to end. When we lose someone, we tend to "idealize" them or think of only their good qualities. To remember that the friendship ended for a good reason, it can help to stay realistic about it.

Allow yourself time to grieve. Dealing with the end of a friendship involves the stages of grief that accompany any loss in life: anger, shock, denial, acceptance, etc. You won't lose your friend and suddenly be fine again! For help with loss, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

Decide if your friendship is really over. Sometimes friendships go through ups and downs, but they're not over quite yet. If you think you and your friend might reconcile, read Healing Female Friendships - Michelle Obama.

If your friendship is over, seek closure. Closure means saying good-bye, either formally (eg, reading a poem or eulogy at a funeral) or informally (releasing a bunch of balloons into the air). To find closure for your friendship, you can go to the park where you and your friend always jogged or have a final meal at a restaurant you shared. You can write a good-bye letter or email -- you don't necessarily have to send it. Sometimes it helps to say good-bye to your friend -- even if she doesn't know you're saying goode-bye.

If you have any thoughts or questions about these suggestions for dealing with the end of a friendship, please responde below....