Making Nonmember Parents Feel Included in an LDS Temple Wedding

Posted by Jenny Evans Oct 17, 2009

As the number of converts continues to increase in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there are more and more temple sealings where one or both sets of parents isn't eligible for a temple recommend and therefore can't attend the ceremony.

I should know: my sealing was one of them.

My husband's family is 100% active Mormon, but I am the lone Latter-day Saint in my family. Knowing that my parents felt that the Church was taking me away from them or like I was choosing my husband's family (who were able to attend) over them was hard.

We did some things to try to mitigate my parent's hurt feelings, but looking back there is more I wish I would have done. I wish I had explained more. I think my parents felt in the dark about temple sealing and were afraid to ask.

Please read Non-Member Family and Temple Marriage for a list of things we did (and wished we'd done) to make my parents feel more included in our wedding day. Here are just a few other suggestions on including nonmember parents:

• When explaining the temple recommend, use the word "ready" instead of "worthy." To the ears of most non-Mormons, not worthy = bad. Nonmembers are not bad people. A temple recommend certifies whether one is ready to enter the temple.
• Pray, fast, and ask others to pray and fast for your parents to understand and come to terms with your decision to marry in the temple. It also wouldn't hurt to talk to your bishop about it.
• You may not have the opportunity to talk with every distant nonmember relative about why they weren't invited to attend the sealing. Print out and frame a brief explanation of the temple sealing and your testimony of the temple, and leave it on the gift table at the reception. Then even those you don't talk to personally about it will at least know what's going on.

Remember that ultimately, your wedding day is about you and what you want as a couple. Do everything you reasonably can to accommodate non-Mormon family, but realize that sometimes it's just not possible to please everyone. At those times I like to think of the words to my favorite hymn: "do what is right, let the consequence follow." I honestly do believe that obedience to gospel laws brings blessings.

Other articles on temple wedding planning:

• Preparing for an LDS Temple Sealing - 5 methods for spiritual prep, plus what to expect at a sealing ceremony
• LDS Temple Wedding Planning - logistical concerns and practical stuff for the Mormon bride-to-be