Connie Newbauer's Blog

Posted by Connie Newbauer

We are currently living in a rather large metro-area - and I must confess, somedays, I hate to turn on the news. A devoted news junkie, the one thing I dread waking to is yet another report of violence - most repulsive is the extreme amount of child-on-child violence. Some of it is gang related, all of it a preventable shame.

Let me infuse some common sense here - the solution is so simple, I must be missing something, but let's try this on for size:

• Parents, parent your children. Take responsibility for the life you have created.
• Provide a stable, loving home - financial stability is less important than the emotional
• Spend much time with your child - at least 20 minutes per day per child looking into their eyes, talking, playing a game, walking or shooting hoops
• Provide a home free of drugs, irresponsible alcohol use and pornography
• Provide a home free of weapons irresponsibly stored
• Challenge your child at every age to take responsiblity for his actions
• Raise your child with hope- Let him dream so he can see the many paths open to him by staying in school!
• Give your children rules! Our children are given to us like fully stoked steam engines - and just like steam engines, they need a track - parents are the tracks. The tracks you lay down will determine if your little engine will derail or stay on the straight and narrow!
• Know where your children are! It is okay to have to be inside by dark if you are 5, to have a curfew of 9 p.m. when you are a freshman in high school, or to have to leave a name and number and expected time of return when you are a teen! Knowing where your children are is not an invasion of privacy - it is the adult, responsible thing to do. (Regardless of what your children say!)

The two most common mistakes I see parents make are these:

1. They want to give them everything they never had as children. Too much at once - responsiblity, freedom from responsibility, THINGS, just too much of anything - isn't good. As a matter of fact, waiting for anything grows patience and an apprciation for that which you wait. Saving for something makes it that much more valuable to the person who saves.

2. Protecting their children. I know. I heard a couple readers falling on the floor at that statement, but even though we don't ever want our children to feel bad, to experience anything unpleasant, to go without, to know of struggles, etc., sometimes that is the best thing for them. Think of this: If your child doesn't do his homework, you know he will be in trouble with the teacher the next day and so you do it for him. Just give him the answers quickly, he jots them down and viola! He goes to school, grade point average is maintained, teacher is happy and all is well...until he takes a test and doesnt know the answers he would have if he did his own homework. So What? Read on...

In a couple of years, you will be taking responsibility for many more of junior's escapades because he cannot face responsibility. He won't be able to get a job or live his own life. Do you really want that? Do you really want to be the one who gets the call that your son has just shot (or been shot) by another child? I thought not. Step up to the plate; Be the guiding force in life your child needs and mentor those children around you who need a guiding star!

Many school around the country depend upon their volunteer force. Call today and see about mentoring, tutoring or being an aide - a child needs you!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

How frustrated are you by the current flood of toy recalls by Mattel? Come to think 0f it, I'm not frustrated, I'm downright angry! We've all heard the public-affairs generated pabulum the head of Mattel is dishing to every news network that will listen, but my questions would go just a little deeper than the 15-second sound bites I've been hearing.

How in the world can he truthfully say they have diligent over-sight of all vendors who do work for them when they had no clue what type of components were being used in the manufacture of their products? I don't know,as a business person myself, I think i would have, say - a contract - stating my company's standards - and I would make sure (through diligent over-sight, of course), that these standards were upheld by the vendor and/or sub-contractor.

Mattel is said to have the tightest and highest standards in the toy making business - very scary for parents who now are faced with taking 19 million toys out of their homes!

The two problems found with the toys are: 1. They were slathered with lead paint and 2. Contain tiny magnets which can dislodged and be swallowed by unsuspecting little ones. The danger in lead paint is permanent and can lead to brain damage, slowed growth and a multitude of other symptoms the federal government long ago pointed out to citizens at large. I guess Mattel missed that memo.

Swallowed magnets do not pose a problem until two are swallowed - and they tend to do what magnets do - when they attract eachother, they will crimp bowels, or other organs in the child's tiny body - and that is not a good situation - and that is putting it mildly.

The one bright and shining voice of reason on the news this morning is saying not to panic. I agree. Little Johnny has probably not ingested enough lead paint to affect him - but I would still be very careful and take some of the following steps:

1. Log on to www.servic.mattell.com to see the list of toys included in the recall.
2. Go through your child's toy box (let's face it, it needs it anyway), and get rid of all the broken, loose parts. Pay special attention to anything with a magnet (i.e. Polly Pockets).
3. If your child is exhibiting any of the symptoms of lead poisoning, contact your pediatrician for a simple blood gtest which can detect lead in the child's system.

All of that being said, I am still angry. Why? Because I feel we have been let down. Not by our government, but by the manufacturers going outside the country to keep their costs down and importing toothpaste and toys and tires that are not up to safety codes set by our governement. There seems to be a wide-spread attitude in business today that if they call for bids - they only have to accept the lowest bid without furthuer investigation, without an on-site visit-without investigating the components being used in products they are importing.

This isn't a failure ont he part of the government, but on the individual companies themselves. They are the people who have failed us. I am not sure of the solution, but I do know any company importing goods not up to our safety standards should be fined - fined heavily with a continuing non-compliance ending in incarceration and personal fines for the company president.

Whew! I feel better - what do you think?

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Dare I say it? It’s almost school time again! Whether your eldest child is just beginning kindergarten, or your youngest is a freshman in high school like ours, the new school year starts out with the smell of stationary supplies resonating in our nostrils and a pang of excitement in our chests.

Accompanying the old is also the promise of new – new friends, new schools, new teachers, new health alerts, new studies – all of which, as parents, it is our responsibility to research and understand in order to protect our nation’s most rich commodity – our children!

To that end, I’ve spent the summer researching the best school supply bargains, the most up-to-date immunization information – including that of the controversial cervical cancer immunization for our daughters – and the very latest in how to organize your children for the most successful school year ever!

Whew! Are you ready? To prime your back-to-school pump, let’s take a look at some of last season’s back-to-school articles that have information still relevant to your children this year: Help your children step out in confidence as they begin their Journey to Junior High!

Do you have questions regarding the safety of childhood immunizations? Who should have immunizations - and more importantly, who shouldn't?

Do you know about these vital medical tests for all students? Is your child up-to-date on all health screening exams such as eye and dental? What should you look for if you suspect a problem?

Are you worried about the ever-increasing weight of your child's back pack? See what the expert from Children's Hospital of Wisconsin has to say about the correlation between that and your child's back pain! Finally, take a deep breath and review the standards for President Bush's No Child Left Behind legislation. Has it helped, or harmed the bottom line in your school district?

Posted by Connie Newbauer

School’s out and there’s nothing to worry about…right? Wrong! Today, I will rant. Starting with the day we all brought our little ones home from the hospital, we tried to do what was right. We all followed the doctor’s guidance and took those first hesitant footsteps towards parenthood – and our blessings accrued! Our children are now in school and we have little to worry about but grades…and predators…and dangerous technology …and a million more frightening scenarios, which I’m sure, are keeping many parents up at night.

Why is it that so many parents take the time to research the cars they will buy for the safety rating, put locks on their cabinet doors to keep the children from consuming household cleaners and put fencing up around their new pool…but they lack the common sense to set age appropriate curfews and guidelines?

All children have the potential for mischief and after a certain time of night, those who cause the mischief seem to be out in force. Why then would you let your children wander aimlessly through the night? In the space of a week, our city saw a child’s homicide by a stray bullet and a child hit by a car near midnight – both preventable.

The 12-year old who was hit by a car was out walking home from a friend’s house …what in God’s name was this child out at midnight walking the city streets? The 5-year old hit by a stray bullet and killed was outside playing unsupervised near 10 p.m. In a neighborhood known for it’s violence. Common sense tells you adults shouldn’t even be out in that neighborhood past nightfall! Listen folks, know:

• Who your children are with
• What they have planned
• When they will be home,
• How they are getting home
• Have contact numbers for the home they will be visiting
• Where they will be and for pity's sake -
• Set a time appropriate bed time all year round!

Just because school is out doesn't diminish a child's body's need for rest!

Much of parenting is common sense and from what I am reading, many parents skipped that class in school. Yes, there are times our children are going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and there is nothing in the world we could do as parents to forestall unfortunate events; but by the same token, we can put rules in place to help guide where and when and with who our children will be as long as they are in our house, yet hidden dangers still remain.

Since you don’t have grades to worry about for a couple of months, I’ve researched some of the hidden dangers that confront our children today such as: the new compact florescent bulbs, household medications and SUV’s!

Read – Enjoy – Discuss – and Learn!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

The trend to handcuff students has rippled throughout many school districts – and in the case of many, been dumped as a plan which in the end, made administrators, educators and parents alike more than a little uncomfortable.

Milwaukee Public Schools just recently reacted to a flurry of school violence with a plan of their own to use flexi-cuffs on students of all ages. All students: big and small students, special education students, kindergarteners included!

The baffling part of the situation is this: The parents and administrators, who several decades ago, became outraged at a child being paddled within the confines of a school building are now jumping on the bandwagon – at least initially – to use flexi cuffs in the schools!

Speaking to a prior military policeman regarding the safety of the flexi-cuffs, he stated that they were much more likely to cause injury than regular cuffs due to the way they are put on and adjusted – as they slide just as tight as you could want them with no give. The possibility of the cuffs being put on too tightly and the plastic cuff cutting or causing abrasions is much greater than regular cuffs which have built-in safety controls while adjusting.

Add to this formula the fact that in most cases, it wouldn’t be police officials putting the cuffs on – it would be school administrators and educators.

William Andrekopoulos, Milwaukee Public School superintendent was quoted by the April 22, 2007 Milwaukee Journal as asserting: “Using the flex cuffs is a much better way of restraining a youngster who’s out of control than having a number of adults pushing the child to the ground and restraining them.”

Stepping back from the problem, which granted, is immediate, neither the flexi-cuffs nor paddling addresses the big-picture problem: the environment of violence in which children live.

A violent home life or environment spills into the schools; It is bound too – but we are not going to be able to solve violence in the schools until as a society, we come up with a two-prong approach, addressing both societal and school violence at the same time

The person who is able to draft such a plan would most assuredly become the next Nobel Peace Prize winner, as societal/school violence has become an issue worldwide.

The change has to start with us – and so I ask: If you could spearhead action to stem this tide of violence, what would you do?

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Move over Alec Baldwin – I hear the thundering hooves of divorced moms & dads across America rushing to join you on the parental alienation bandwagon!

The trouble is this: I am tempted to place parental alienation in the same category as the fainting female – drama, drama, drama; I simply have no facts to back up the claims presented thus far.I do not protest the point that children are sometimes unwittingly used as bargaining chips or weapons against the non-custodial parent. As wrong as that is - can we make the jump to say doing so is causing irrepairable harm to our children?

No doubt some moms say bad things about dads – and vice versa; but does parental alienation wield the power Baldwin and others vow it does – to damage the non-custodial parent’s image & character with community, friends and most of all, their children? Alec Baldwin sure thinks it does & he is ready to quit his job to prove it!

Check back in, later this week to read research presented by experts in the field and find out what you can do if parental alienation is playing a part in the life of your children.

Posted by Connie Newbauer

The debate rages: is it best for your child to stay at home with mom, or be socialized at daycare?

This continuing argument makes me sadder than anything. As mothers (working or stay-at-home moms), we are all mothers trying to do the best for our children. Many mothers (such as my own) worked because they had too. Through no fault of her own, she was a single mother – staying home with us was not an option, although I’m sure that is what she wanted in her heart.

I, myself, have a career that makes it easy to be at home with my children. (Although I must admit, it isn’t always easy working from home while trying to raise children!)

Both options can be challenging, but as difficult as it is for mothers to return to the workforce after the birth of a child, as a community, we’ve made it that much harder by putting restrictions on her return (such as the glass ceiling) and binding the working mother with archaic social customs that dispute the character of any mother who leaves her child in the care of someone else.

We all make our choices in regards to what works best in our own lives – with the children – spouse – or no spouse we have to live with – why then can’t society respect that choice?

Daycare Choices

Yet another issue rattling around in my head is that the society of late has seemed to dismiss is the family caregiver. Why have we turned away from a third option; care for our children by a family member – or by a close associate in our own home? Homecare once was a viable option - what has happened to it?

In homecare, children remain in surroundings they are comfortable – if a parent works overtime – or is working a second or third shift, the child can be fed, helped with homework, bathed and put to bed – all on the schedule and in the place, they are accustomed!

Your sitter doesn’t have to be a ‘nanny,’ but a mature, reliable teenager or elderly neighbor who is acquainted with your family and can easily provide the security and warmth and, more importantly, routine you could in your home.

Even though we hesitate to make a choice of childcare based upon cost, in reality, it can be a huge influence! This third option can sometimes not only be the best for the children, but the most cost effective as well!

Discussion!

Take a look at our discussion questions below and then join us as the debate rages!

• Why did you make the choice to work or not to work?
• If you chose to work: What are the issues –the pros and cons of using each of these options for daycare?
• What did you use?
• Would you change your option if you could?

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Many of you remember when we had weekly spelling tests and did writing from almost the beginning of our formal education... and then when our papers were turned back, the unmistakable mark of the mighty red-pen adorned the edges, middle and end of the work!

That was before we knew red pens were a blow to our self-esteem – and before we realized that children would be more likely to write if left to their own devices – to spell things “as they sound” instead of the way they are supposed to be spelled.

We wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s fragile ego, would we?

I’m not even sure they teach handwriting anymore.

I know for a fact that my older children (who were taught similarly to me) are better writers and have clearer penmanship than their younger brothers and sisters.

I fear for my younger children. At what point in their educational career do you decide it is okay to hurt their feelings to correct them? At what point are you going to point out that when applying for a job or doing written correspondence, you are judged by your handwriting, spelling and grammar!

I for one am in favor of bringing back spelling tests – and the responsibility to have pride in your work by doing it correctly and neatly.

I think we can bring back the red pen as well! In contradiction to hurting my feelings, I was proud when I got a paper handed back with a large red ‘A’ on it! I always looked forward to the time I found a short note at the bottom or top of my paper as well – I knew then that my work had caught the attention of the teacher. Sometimes that was a wonderful thing – that kept me motivated for the rest of the day- and sometimes the note put me in quiet contemplation of how I could do better next time – but I always looked forward to it!

The government tells us that ‘baby boomers’ now out-number any other group in America…. isn’t it time we use those numbers to execute simple educational changes that will benefit our children and grandchildren?

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Because we've been discussing reading this week, I thought the introducing the Borders contest more than appropriate! You can read...but can you write!

Give it a try by following the instructions below!

THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS INTENDED FOR RESIDENTS OF THE 50 UNITED STATES AND THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA ONLY (EXCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, PUERTO RICO AND OTHER US TERRITORIES) AND SHALL ONLY BE CONSTRUED AND EVALUATED ACCORDING TO UNITED STATES LAW AND AMERICAN ENGLISH. MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE TO ENTER.

Official Rules: Times Mom Stood Up For Me Contest

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. A PURCHASE WILL NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED.

1. Contest Period: Times Mom Stood Up For Me Contest: (the "Contest")

Entry Period: runs from 6:00 AM EDT, Wednesday, April 11, 2007 to 11:59 PM EDT Wednesday, April 25, 2007.

Voting Period: 6:00 AM EDT, Wednesday, April 11, 2007, to 11:59 PM EDT Sunday, April 29, 2007.

Winner Notified: Winner will be notified before Thursday, May 10, 2007.

Winner Announced: Winner will be announced and will appear with Mitch Albom on the CBS Early Show on Thursday, May 10, 2007.

Sponsor's computer clock governs time stamp.

2. Eligibility: This Contest is run only on the Internet. You may enter the Contest if you are a legal resident of the 50 United States or the District of Columbia, are 18 years of age or older at the time of entry and have Internet access as of April 10, 2007. Void outside of listed states and where prohibited. Employees, officers, directors, agents and representatives of Gather Inc. ("Sponsor"), CBS, Borders Group, Inc., and their respective parent companies, subsidiaries, affiliates, promotion, advertising, design, web design, web hosting, publicity, production and print production agencies and anyone connected with the production, hosting and distribution of this Contest (collectively, "Contest Entities"), and Royal Caribbean International (a “Prize Supplier”), their immediate family members (parents, children, siblings, spouse and each of their respective spouses, regardless of where they live) and members of any of their households are not eligible to enter or be awarded a prize.

3. How to Enter: Before 11:59 PM EDT Wednesday, April 25, 2007, you must complete two (2) activities in order to enter this Contest. 1) Join the Borders Mitch Albom “Times Mom Stood Up For Me” Group on Gather.com. When you have landed on the join page, follow the directions (for Gather and non-Gather members) on how to register for the group. All information collected on Gather.com will be subject to Gather.com’s Privacy Policy. After you have completed the group registration, you may enter the “Times Mom Stood Up For Me” Contest. 2) Go to http://borders.gather.com and sign in. Click on the "Publish" button on top of the page, select article and enter your title. You may type directly into the body of the submission page or paste in your entry, if you have written it elsewhere. To add a JPEG image of the person you are honoring this Mother’s Day, click on "Add Images to Your Article" and then "Browse." Then upload your JPEG image and click "Save." When you have finished adding your image and completed the text of your article click "Next." Photos are NOT required, but are encouraged. In the Tags field, you must insert the tag “Mom” into the tags field and under "Who can view my article," you must enter "Everyone" and select the "Borders" Group. Click "Publish". Entrants should submit an original, previously unpublished, article/essay relaying a childhood memory of a particular moment in which a mother stood up for them.

Submissions should be no longer than 300 words and can include one or more JPEG images. Photos are NOT required, but are encouraged. Please type the word count at the end of your entry. Entries longer than 300 words will be disqualified. Only one entry allowed per participant. All entries must be: in English, original material, unpublished, not previously submitted elsewhere, and may not be submitted elsewhere. Contest entries should not contain pornography, sexual or racial slurs, offensive language or obscenities. Please do not publish the same entry on Gather.com more than once. Sponsor and Contest Entities reserve the right to disqualify any entry that is determined to be in violation of these guidelines (Please see Borders.Gather.com for more details).

4. Article/Photo/Publicity Rights: By entering this Contest, you acknowledge that you have read and understood these Official Rules and you accept these Official Rules and agree to abide by the governing terms and conditions. By entering this Contest you also explicitly (i) certify that you meet the eligibility requirements as set forth in these Official Rules; (ii) grant to the Contest Entities ownership of the article and any photos submitted therewith (including all rights embodied therein) and that they and their designees may exploit all elements of such entry and/or photo in any and all media now known or not currently known, without compensation to you or any third party; (iii) represent and warrant that you have not used licensed material or any material owned by someone other than you; and (v) represent and warrant that your entry is original, is true and verifiable, that you own or otherwise control all the rights to your article and photo (if submitted), that your entry does not violate any law, regulation or any right of any third party, and that you have not copied or plagiarized the concept for your entry from other material. All entries become the property of Contest Entities and will not be returned.

5. Judging and Winner Selection: Gather.com members will read and rate entries based on the following 3 criteria: originality and creativity, appropriateness to topic, and clarity of essay. Gather.com members will rate the entries using Gather.com's rating system. Ten (10) finalists will be chosen based on a standard weighted formula that includes average rating and number of votes. If, in Sponsor and Contest Entities’ discretion, there are not a sufficient number of eligible and qualified entries, Sponsor and Contest Entities reserve the right to send fewer than ten (10) finalists to Mitch Albom for his ultimate selection of the top three (3) finalists.

Sponsor, Contest Entities, and Mitch Albom’s decisions on finalists are final and binding, and are not subject to challenge or appeal.

You may make tiny edits to correct a spelling or grammatical error by clicking the "edit" button next to your submission. You may NOT edit your entry after the end of the submission period. You may not materially change the review you submit once it has been published. Any review that contains substantive changes will be disqualified.

Once the ten (10) finalists are determined, Mitch Albom will select his favorite essay and the top three (3) finalists will be notified for additional information. Then, subject to a background check, verification of the entry, compliance with these Official Rules, and completion and return of all required documents, the Grand Prize winner will be chosen from the top three (3) finalists. A background check may be conducted on potential winner. At the discretion of Contest Entities, potential winner may be disqualified for any of the following: if charged with or convicted of a felony or misdemeanor, if not eligible based on the eligibility requirements set forth above, or if delinquent on a government ordered payment, such as but not limited to: child support, spousal support, alimony, tax payments, etc. In the event it is determined that potential winner has not complied with these Official Rules, has failed to execute and return any required documents within the specified time period, or has made false statements, then potential winner may be disqualified. Should it be determined winner made a false statement(s) in any document required by Contest Entities or Prize Supplier after prize has been awarded, winner will be disqualified and required to promptly return to Contest Entities his/her prize. If potential winner is disqualified for any reason, at Contest Entities’ discretion, the winner will be chosen from among the other top three (3) finalists.

The top ten (10) finalists will be notified before Thursday, May 10, 2007 (via email) and the Grand Prize winner will be announced on in the Borders Shortlist and on CBS Early Show on May 10, 2007. If the Grand Prize winner is unable to accept the prize or does not respond to winner notification email within 24 hours, the Grand Prize may be forfeited and Sponsor and Contest Entities may choose another Grand Prize winner from among the other top three (3) finalists.

6. Quantity, Prize, Approximate Retail Value (ARV):

One (1) Grand Prize: Trip for two (2), including round-trip airfare (coach class) and standard hotel accommodations (1 room, double occupancy), to New York City to appear with Mitch Albom on the CBS Early Show on May 10, 2007. Ground transportation to and from a New York metropolitan area airport, and to and from the hotel to the CBS Early Show studios, is included. Grand Prize winners also win a seven (7) night cruise vacation to the Caribbean for two (2) (based on interior stateroom) from Royal Caribbean, onboard Liberty of the Seas, Royal Caribbean International’s newest addition. Cruise includes: round trip coach air transportation to/from major U.S. gateway airport (to be determined by Contest Entities) nearest winner’s residence to airport nearest embarkment/disembarkment point, round trip ground transportation between airport and embarkment/disembarkment point, standard interior stateroom for two (2) (one (1) cabin, double occupancy) and select meals, beverages and entertainment aboard the vessel. If any Grand Prize winner resides within a 100 mile radius of embarkment/disembarkment point, ground transportation may be provided in lieu of air transportation and no compensation or substitution will be provided for difference in prize value. Grand Prize does not include taxes, insurance, telephone charges, personal expenses, gratuities, shore excursions, some beverages, photographs, service fees, medical services, incidental charges, or any other costs or expense not specifically described in these Official Rules as being awarded, and all such costs and expenses are the responsibility of the Grand Prize Winner. The actual value of the Grand Prize may vary depending upon the point of departure, dates of travel, and fare fluctuation. Grand Prize Winner must book cruise within six (6) weeks of winner notification and cruise must be taken within 12 months of date of issuance of certificate or prize will be forfeited in its entirety and Sponsor shall have no further obligation to winner. No extension or change of dates permitted once Sponsor has confirmed dates. Cruise is subject to air travel, ground transportation, hotel and cruise availability, blackout dates as well as other prize and travel restrictions. Not all ship itineraries may be available to Grand Prize Winners. Grand Prize Winner and his/her travel companion must travel together on the same itinerary and must have valid travel documents, including passports and visa (if applicable), prior to departure. Travel companion must be of legal age of majority in his/her state of residence (and at least 18) at time of winner notification. Travel arrangements must be made through Contest Entitie’s agent on a carrier of Contest Entitie’s choice. Airline carrier’s and cruise line’s regulations and conditions and any other restrictions apply to prize travel. Grand Prize Winner and travel companion must sign and return a Release of Liability/Publicity Release prior to prize award. All federal, state and local taxes and any other expenses or costs associated with prize acceptance and use not specified as being awarded herein are the sole responsibility of the winners. No substitution, cash alternative or transfer of any prize permitted, except Sponsor may, at its discretion, substitute a prize (or portion thereof) of comparable or greater value. Prizes are awarded “as is” with no warranty or guarantee, either express or implied, offered by Contest Entities. All prize details are at the sole discretion of Contest Entities. Limit one (1) prize per person/email address/household.

Nine (9) Second-Place Prizes: The top nine (9) runner-ups will receive a $100 Borders Gift Card. Gift cards are subject to certain terms and conditions as specified by Borders.

One (1) Grand-Prize: The grand prize winner will receive a 7-night cruise vacation onboard Royal Caribbean’s Liberty of the Seas valued at $4,000 with airfare.

7. General: Contest administration and verification will be supervised by Sponsor and Contest Entities, whose decisions are final. By participating in this Contest, you agree to be bound by these Official Rules, Sponsor's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, and the decisions of the Gather.com members and the Contest Entities. The submission of entries will be conducted on the Internet at www.gather.com only. By entering this Contest, an entrant explicitly releases, discharges and holds harmless the Sponsor and Contest Entities and their shareholders, successors and assigns, one and all, from any and all liability, actions, causes of action, damages, actual, incidental or consequential, claims and demands whatsoever in law or equity, including all "costs," which he/she now has or may acquire, by reason of any personal injury, death, loss of or damage to property, or any reason, occurring during or arising out of his/her participation in the Contest and the acceptance, possession, use or misuse of a prize.

Potential winner and guest must sign and return an Affidavit of Eligibility and Liability and Publicity release within four (4) days of attempted notification certifying that entry submission is entrant’s own original work, has not been previously distributed or promoted, has not won a previous prize or award and that he/she has followed the Official Rules of this contest. Noncompliance within this time period or return of any prize notification as undeliverable may result in disqualification and an alternate winner will be determined, time permitting. By submission of entry, entrants agree to waive any and all rights, title and interest in the submitted material and assign all such rights, title and interest to Contest Entities.

All travelers must execute a Release of Liability prior to ticketing and must possess required travel documents (i.e., valid photo I.D.) prior to departure. Acceptance of prize constitutes permission to Contest Entities to use winner’s entry, image, name, voice and/or likeness for purposes of advertising and trade without further compensation, notification, or approval, unless prohibited by law. By accepting a prize, winner waives the right to 1) assert as a cost of winning the prize any and all costs of verification and redemption or travel to redeem said prize, and 2) claim any liability (including attorney's fees and costs) that might arise from redeeming or seeking to redeem said prize. There will be no substitution or compensation for the prize or part of the prize forfeited for any reason. Sponsor and Contest Entities, and their officers, directors, employees, affiliates, related entities, partners, partnerships, principals, representatives, agents, licensees, successors and assigns (i) make no warranty, guarantee or representation of any kind concerning the prizes; and (ii) disclaim any implied warranty. The right to receive any prize is non-assignable and non-transferable and no prize substitution, extension, transfer, exchange or cash equivalent will be allowed except as expressly provided in these Official Rules or by the Contest Entities who reserve the right to substitute a prize (or portion of prize) of equal or greater value in case of unavailability of the prize or any portion thereof, the price of the specified cruises rises materially prior to booking, Force Majeure, or any other cause. All federal, state and local laws and regulations apply.

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If for any reason the promotion is canceled, including infection by computer virus, bugs, tampering, unauthorized intervention, fraud, technical failures or any other causes outside control of Sponsor and Contest Entities which impair or affect the administration, security, fairness, integrity, or proper conduct of this promotion, Sponsor and Contest Entities reserve the right to disqualify any individual who tampers with the entry process and to cancel, modify, terminate or suspend the contest.

9. If any provision of this Contest shall be deemed to violate any federal, state or municipal law, it shall be amended to conform to such law and all other provisions shall remain in full force and effect. All taxes are each winner's responsibility; the value of the prizes will be treated as ordinary income to prize recipient for income tax purposes and an IRS Form 1099 for the year 2007 will be sent to winners by the Prize Suppliers for prizes valued over $600.

10. Sponsor, Contest Entities, and all production and hosting agencies shall not be responsible for technical, pictorial, typographical or editorial errors or omissions in any marketing materials or these Official Rules, or other error in the administration of the contest, or in the announcement of the prizes. In the event there is a discrepancy or inconsistency between disclosures or other statements contained in any contest materials and the terms and conditions of the Official Rules, the Official Rules shall prevail, govern and control. This Contest is conducted in American English.

11. By entering this Contest, each entrant agrees that any and all disputes, claims, actions and causes of action arising out of or connected with this Contest or the prize awarded and all issues and questions concerning the validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action, and exclusively in a court of competent jurisdiction sitting in Michigan. Any and all claims, judgments and awards shall be limited to actual out-of-pocket costs incurred and never shall include consequential, incidental or punitive damages, and in no event attorneys' fees or "costs." Some jurisdictions do not allow the limitation or exclusion of liability for incidental or consequential damages, so the above may not apply to you.

12. For Winner announcement, check http://mom.gather.com. For winner’s list, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to Borders, 100 Phoenix Drive, Ann Arbor, MI, 48109. Attn: Denise Chamers.

13. Sponsor: Gather Inc., 85 Devonshire Street, 3rd floor, Boston, MA 02109.

14. Contest Entities: Borders Group Inc., 100 Phoenix Drive, Ann Arbor, MI, 48108; CBS Early Show, 524 West 57th, New York, NY, 10019.

15. Prize Suppliers: Borders Group Inc., 100 Phoenix Drive, Ann Arbor, MI, 48108; CBS Early Show, 524 West 57th, New York, NY, 10019; Royal Caribbean International, 1050 Caribbean Way, Miami, FL 33132-2096.

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Children who learn to love reading are given a gift that will last a lifetime. Who can forget those first golden moments of being able to wind their way through another’s imagination, making the stories and words leap off the page into your life to become your friend?

Why do you love to read? More importantly, how are you teaching your children to love books and reading? Some everyday activities, seemingly not related, can all weave together to kick-start a child’s journey as a bibliotheca!

Curious as to how the parents of today remember their first excursion to the library, trekking home with that prized book for a week at a time clutched firmly in their hands, I asked a panel of parents to retell their own stories.

In addition, I looked for professional advice to offer yet another dimension to teaching children to love to read.

Reading is so important in our everyday lives – not only for simple communication purposes, but readers tend to do a bit better in school, they are better writers, communicators, their imaginations seem to be vast and they are well rounded as well.

Coming soon, I will retell my reading tales from the trai!

Meanwhile, read a bedtime story to your children – tonight and drop a line to tell me how you became the reader you are today!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Many of us put our children in sports very early to increase socialization skills, increase motor skills and learn valuable lessons on sportsmanship. Participation in athletics can make all of that happen, but as children go from the early years of T-ball to elementary school-age participation, competition rears its ugly head and changes the landscape of every ball field.

Competition starts to rise with skills because parents just seem to expect more from both the coach and their children. The children, of course, will pick up on the rising feelings of competition and will either rise to the occasion, sink under the pressure, or become ball field bullies, reflecting the parent’s attitude. This switch in emphasis can do much, depending upon the athlete's personality, to either cement his participation in High School athletics or make them dig-in their heels and not participate one more season. The pressure of competition, of course, will not in and of itself, cause a child to react badly. what affects our children is our reaction to the competition. Do you turn into the ugly ballfield parent?

There were teammates my children had that I literally groaned when I saw them on the team – especially since I had to sit next to their parents on the bleachers. These types of parents and players are especially hard to go through a season with – yelling and protesting each and every call against their child, sometimes bellowing angry words at teammates, the coach and officials. Thank goodness, this type of parent seems to be relatively scarce!

Coaches can be the same way, angry and pushy, frightening the children more than teaching them during the course of the season.

What do you, as a levelheaded parent of an athlete does to handle these situations? Do you confront the coach or parent directly?

How do you explain this type of behavior to your shy 7-year-old who is being exposed to a type of behavior you wouldn’t want him to learn?

What’s more, do you really know what your child expects from his coach and teammates - and his parents?

Join us tomorrow for advice on these subjects and more from none other than Cal Ripkin, Jr.!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Blurry eyed and sick, I stumbled out of bed this morning at 5 a.m. after being awake since 3 a.m. Two of my sons were at work, but the house was bathed in darkness and was still and quiet – quite unusual for my household! Wanting to maintain the ambience, I tiptoed around the kitchen making myself a cup of tea and, of course, turned on the T.V. Discovery Channel’s An Adoption Story had just begun.

I was immediately taken by the topic. I’ve always wanted to adopt. After giving birth to 8 children, having the privilege of raising 6 to adult hood, I would still like to add to my family. Alas, my husband thinks our hands are full enough! Over the years I have looked at both foreign and domestic adoptions – not for infants, but for older children, perhaps even a family group, that are so difficult to place.

In the quiet hours of morning, I revisited those dreams that have never died. This particular story was about a couple from Wisconsin, who had tried everything – including domestic adoption – before adopting in Siberia. Because they were originally looking for an infant, their domestic adoption plans were not realized.

My mind wrapped around their heartwarming story and brought me full circle to another bunch of high-profile adoptions; namely, those of Angelina Jolie and Madonna. I am very happy for these children – it is apparent they will gain a life not even imaginable in the orphanages they came from. However, I am at a loss about something: why has no star or politician championed the benefits of domestic adoptions?

Are the untold numbers of children in our foster care system not glamorous enough?

Anyone who has ever lived on a budget can tell you that before you donate to a charity, you have to make sure your own children have their needs met first. If we use similar reasoning when contemplating adoption, domestic adoption should be a priority in this country!

I’m not saying not to adopt overseas, the stories and pictures of those little ones literally break my heart, and I would take each and every one of them home with me if only given a chance. Take a look closer to home though, if you are considering adoption. The stories, living conditions the children have come from and the need for family echoes a familiar refrain whether in Siberia or Texas.

How do you feel about the subject of foreign vs. domestic adoptions? Even though, ultimately, it is the choice of the individual, I would like to see all domestic possibilites researched prior to adopting outside the U.S.

I’d like to have you join our discussion and vote in the poll!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I was looking for a reason to go shopping and today, my reason was delivered in bright rays of sunshine and warm weather. We’ve had a small gift today in the form of 68-degree weather. It may not sound like much to those of you who live in a warm weather climate, but believe me, it is a very welcomed rise in temperature in Wisconsin. It is a harbinger of spring like no other except the brightly colored birds who chose to hop and sing at my bird feeder yesterday. (I think the busy season for our bird hotel has begun!)

Spring brings the urge to garden, and yes ladies, I have to say it, to clean and sort and organize! It is a wonderful time to do so because many of the stores have sales on winter merchandise. For years I have gone through the children’s clothing at the end of each season, given the outgrown clothes to charity, kept clothing that could be passed down and then ran to the store! Even the dollar store had hats, mittens and scarves for well, a dollar!

Believe me, when school starts next fall, you will be relieved that you’ve shopped this years closeouts! Even if you buy a few pieces that end up not fitting next year, you will still be money ahead on the bargains you did get. Remember to do the same thing when summer turns to fall…buy a year ahead!

Just an aside about buying a year a head: Please take not of a story which was broken on CNN; many of the faux fur trimmed coats, hats and other accessories we assumed were man-made has actually turned out to be raccoon and dog! These products were evidently purposely mislabeled to missile consumers. Lawmakers are moving now to ban imports of these types of items, but they will still be on the shelves for our end-of-season clearances…so beware!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Earlier today, I read an essay from a friend regarding his memories of accompanying his father to the dump as a child. As many of our childhood memories are, the memory was poignant, although what turns out was the memory of a rather regular day.

The essay evoked a memory of my own father during a routine outing – long before seat belts had taken hold of their passengers. Dad and I were running an errand and I was moved to respond thusly to my friend:

"Remembering the smell of my own father's aftershave when I snuggled close to him in the car, standing, with my arm around - what seemed then - his enormous shoulders as we motored down the road singing, "If I had a Hammer," Dad kept glancing at me, grinning from ear to ear while singing. I thought at that moment that if I had a hammer and my father beside me, I could build or do anything!"

Afterwards, I began thinking about childhood memories and what my own children might remember, as they get older. It is food for thought that as we go through the totally mundane actions of our daily lives that in the blink of an eye, what we do, the time we share with our children will magically implant itself for life. As parents we bore the weight of making each of these memories good ones and not of screaming shrews or beastly fights amongst family members.

Today, while spring rolls across the land in broad, colorful strokes, take some time to sing, play and laugh with your most precious of gifts: your children.

Posted by Connie Newbauer

One of the many joys I had while staying with my daughter for the birth of her daughter was the day we were able to bring Abigail home. Months earlier, my daughter and son-in-law had purchased a car seat and installed it in the back of the car, rear facing, as safety suggests, but there was a problem: the seat was not secure.

We had a meeting of the minds and finally accomplished our task: to secure the seat according to manufacturers directions. I’m still a little worried about it though…. as any new grandmother would be!

Much to my surprise, I found that in many communities around the country, car seat checks are offered free of charge – sometimes at fairs. In addition, a Certified Child Passenger Safety Tech will make sure your seat is installed properly at a location near you! To find an inspection station, visit http://www.seatcheck.org or call toll-free at 866-732-8243! Your child’s safety is worth the visit.

Car Seat regulations vary greatly from state to state, and some are getting stricter - however, the American Academy of Pediatrics argue most states are not keeping up with the safety needs of children. (AAP guidelines suggest children be in a car seat until the age of 8). Illinois, Maine, New Jersey, Vermont and Wyoming have the strictest policies, demanding that children up to 8 years of age or 80 pounds be secured in a Car Safety Seat. Montana is the most lenient and only requires children to be in a car seat until the age of two! Canadian law seems to require anyone under 18kg (40 lbs) be secured in a car seat.

What ever the age of your child, the American Academy of Pediatrics (www.aap.org) has a full bulletin of car seat recommendations, styles available and approximate cost. Check it out!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Much is made of student athletes. It seems they are the topic of much discussion from the stereo-typical profile of the ‘dumb jock’ to those athlete’s we idolized in high school, the straight-A athlete with the straight teeth and winning personalities who brought in a school record for touch downs during the current season. Many of us can only hope to achieve the latter’s example. For most, this persona remains a dream. What can we do to bring the ideal student-athlete to a home near you?

I’ve given birth to both: One student athlete that could do no wrong – in the classroom or on any kind of athletic turf you could throw under her cleats…or tennis shoes…or swim fins! Our youngest, however, struggles. He is a bright child with a ready smile and a loving heart with the courage of a lion and athletic ability to boot. What he struggles with is his academics.

Over the years, I’m afraid we’ve fallen into a trap made by his strengths: because his athletics were what we could praise him at, that is what he worked at and excelled in. Without the same praise and adulation for his academics, they’ve somehow fallen by the wayside and now we are faced with the reality of college in a year and a cumulative grade point average that is only repeated in worried whispers between my husband and I late at night while discussing options.

Part of the problem is his happy-go lucky personality, part of the problem must be our parenting of this special child and yet another variable in this equation, I feel, is the school district. I don’t want to over-emphasize the district’s part in an athlete’s academic failure to thrive, because there were many more factors (such as home environment and personality) that inevitably brought us to this point. However, I do believe that more could be done at the high school level and below to encourage more academic excellence from those involved in extra-curricular activities, not just athletics necessarily.

Just about every district has a grade point minimum established for eligibility in athletics. Ours is precariously low – under a 2.0 – which I find inexcusable! In college, athletes are required to attend mandatory study tables. Why is it that when children are preparing for college the grades are less important than when actually enrolled in college?

In addition to district support systems already in place around the nation to aid students, I’d like to see a mandatory study table for athletes beginning in middle school. This would allow students to understand at an earlier age that at least an equal amount of value is placed on the stellar student – and not just the stellar athlete.

Perhaps our ill-placed emphasis on athletics beginning so early in education plays a roll in the fact our educators are paid so poorly when compared to athletes when we grow into adults!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

In Milwaukee, teens from a private school share their opulent campus once a week with children from the inner city; and gauging from participants on both sides, they are enjoying the benefits! This wonderful cooperation between campuses miles away from each other was inspired from mandatory experience in community volunteerism from a school curriculum.

In the article printed in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, penned by Jammaal Abdul-Alim, he details that the hope of the program is to “build long-term relationships with a younger person who lives in the same greater Milwaukee community, but whose neighborhood and life experiences may seem a world away.”

Where the rigors of regular academia fall short for some of these students, the teen volunteers seem to be just the answer. They instinctively seem to know how to communicate with the younger children to impact skill development in a comfortable, friendly way.

These relationships – even in such a short amount of time – 1-hour per week – prove to be going beyond the normal tutor-student relationships. They’ve served as a window on worlds previously unknown to each of the participants. Those being tutored aren’t the only ones receiving an education.

As I read about the details of the exchange, it made me wonder: Does our community high school require community involvement from their students? Are there area elementary schools, which could benefit from a teen volunteer corps? What would it take to organize and put into action a volunteer plan?

What an opportunity we have to affect children by instituting such a program! Volunteering stretches us to become the best civic-minded, whole person we can be. On the other hand, those receiving the tutoring learn valuable lessons as well: those of friendship and of dreams. Volunteering is invaluable to everyone's soul. The question is: will we answer the inate call to help others. Perhaps looking into beginning a program such as this is just the answer!

Well...what are you waiting for....volunteer!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Evidently, a new test has been developed which can detect an ingredient present in your system after alcohol consumption. A New Jersey School has opened up the can of worms again labeled “personal freedom infringement,” and the entire country is debating a recent stand the NJ school board: School authorities are now saying they will test each student, every Monday morning for weekend alcohol consumption with said new test.

Consenting school board members boast the new policy will be helpful to not only school officials, but also to parents who are clueless about what their teens have been up to over the weekend.

If you will remember, the battle raged several years ago over drug testing for student athletes. Some who try justifying the latest infringement on individual freedoms, point to the testing of student athletes to lull us into complacency, To me, the two are not connected for this reason: Student athlete’s routinely sign ‘letter’s of intent’ in regards to training, etc. The one my son signed as a football player and track participant, tells the athlete he will be expelled for underage alcohol use or illegal drug use.

Athletes sign these letters willingly, enabling them to participate in the sport. To me, testing to assure adherence to the rules and regulations of participation is fair. Testing every student in a high school without cause is beginning to get too ‘big brother’ for me.

Another legislative move in the name of protecting America’s children include a proposed law by California legislature to make spanking under the age of 3 illegal.

Keep in mind I don’t promote spanking young children, but to legislate something that could be battled by parental education programs is government waste at it’s best, not to mention a step in the direction of telling us all how to parent. What's next: making it illegal for us to give sporadic chocolate treats to our children to combat obesity?

It should be of no surprise for those of us watching, that our educational reform measures, along with soaring budgets and clogged judicial systems are in part, made worse by what our lawmaker’s do…on our behalf!

What do you think? Soundoff!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Milwaukee Public Schools have taken, what seems to be, a bold step in our society today: They’ve banned cell phones within their schools. The big question: What will students do now?

A myriad of complaints rolled in just after the decision was announced. Students complained they wouldn’t be able to communicate with work, friends and parents during the school day without the phones.

Parents complained about individual freedoms and lack of communication with their children.

Here is my unsolicited opinion:

• Years ago, we went to school without phones. Our parents, friends, employers and the President waited to talk with us after the school day ended.
• If you needed a ride from school, you used the office phone or made arrangements in advance.
• Talking to friends was not allowed inside the classroom. It disrupted the lesson and was disrespectful.
• As far as individual freedoms, adults need to remember, so they can model for their children that our rights stop where another’s rights begin. Translated during the school day that means that if you use your cell phone during school, you will be acting out of disrespect. Your fellow classmates will not be able to hear the lesson and the teacher will not be able to effectively teach.
• The parents who are campaigning for their children to have the ‘right’ to use their cell phones during the school day are modeling disrespect and not teaching the true meaning of an individual’s rights and freedom of speech.

Let’s not forget the important catalyst, which prompted this action: During the school day, a fight broke out. Students with cell phones used them to call not only friends, but also parents, who rushed to the scene of the fight and actually participated!

Cell Phones can be a wonderful thing. For individuals traveling alone, they can be an important life line. For teens who are not going to be home when expected, they make notifying worried parents much easier. Cell phones have a million wonderful uses. Not one of the wonderful uses takes place during the school day.

All of that said, I'm not sure the school board made the correct decision. Because cells have given many parents peace of mind in regards to their children's where-abouts and safety, I have trouble seeing why these young adults couldn't have them, but turn them off while on school grounds.

Tell me what you think!

Start a Discussion and take the poll!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I’m horrified. Throughout my career, I’ve worked closely with the educational community, first as a teacher, an Education Reporter, a District PR Representative and most recently, serving on the site council of an excellent school; and yet, I’m still horrified at the spelling and writing abilities of what are being touted, our brightest students!

There are times when your written word is a first impression – and I’m getting an impression: That graduating students of today have problems stringing more than two coherent words together.

Technology, on a whole, places road block after roadblock on basic communication skills. Yes, we can text message, email, phone, video message, etc. almost anyone in the world at any time. Cell phones have made sure we do not suffer a moment’s peace from “emergencies” at home and at work. Yet our children do not read and they do not spell.

Is there a connection? Just to add fuel to the fire – and my own personal frustration – even if students do read and write, their handwriting is illegible. I’ve had it! What, if any is the connection?

–I’m not sure, but I can assure you that in the coming days, I am going to research the problem further and report fully on the connection between writing and spelling, technology – and what we can do as parents to remedy the situation once and for all!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I had a wonderful vacation – my first in 30 years with my husband – and came back refreshed and ready to reveal everything I learned! My husband – who accuses me of not being able to relax, (who can while raising six children?), banned me from the Internet for the entire 14 days!

Even though I had internet withdrawal, I couldn’t help but take notice of issues pertinent to parents around the world. Some of what I saw was wonderful. Unfortunately, much more made me weep when considering the environment many children are raised in today.

Too many times, those of us who strive for the best are blinded to dark realities existing in all our communities.

Hopefully, the results of my vacation will be to return, refreshed, with a fascinating view of in-the-trench parenting we can all learn from!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I told you I had witnessed several painful scenes during my trip. One was the state of Jamaican children - just yards away from an affluent tourist mall - and another was the prevalence of verbal abuse among families. We will tackle the clash of Jamaican environments in another piece. This afternoon, I want to discuss something much closer to home. Potentially, all of our homes: verbal abuse.

As a society, we don't talk about it.

Our legal systems do not arrest people for it.

Debates are not raged over it.

Yet verbal abuse can completely crumble a child's - or an adult's self esteem. Verbal Abuse can create a home or societal environment of anger, confrontation and hate.

So, why aren't we doing anything about verbal abuse?

Thursday, join me in a look at the prevalence of verbal abuse, who is committing it and more importantly, how we can recognize and banish it from our homes for good!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Okay, I am officially horrified. An American toy company, Herobuilders of Oxford, Connecticut, has built a 12-inch action doll of Saddam Hussein. As a matter of fact, they have built several, but none so disturbing as the Saddam Hussein Execution Doll. Herobuilders creates custom action figures and political figures - mostly out of mockery, from what I can see.

This horrifying ‘toy’ comes complete with a T-shirt imprinted with the words “Dope on A Rope,” and a noose around his neck – all for the low, low price of $24.95!

I don’t believe this is funny under any circumstances. After seeing the Saddam Doll for the first time, I tried to tell myself that perhaps this would be funny as a gift or keepsake for an adult, but it just isn’t.

A British newspaper reported over the weekend that the most popular video clip students are passing around to each other is the clip of Hussein going to his death. Without even going into how I feel about the death penalty, we could have done without this doll to further influence our children.

I pray parents are conscientious enough not to buy this disgusting keepsake .

To contact the company and voice your opinion, write to

Emil Vicaleruns

C/o Herobuilders

198 Goodhill Road

Oxford, CT 06478

Join the discussion!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

One of the most succinct views on spanking children I've read came from comments in our discussion area.

I don't think I could have said it better. As Angela, my husband and I drew the boundry lines for each of our children - primarily by the age of 2. While doing so, we use to pop the diapered area of the child's bottom.

I don't even remember any of the children crying after it happened, unless we startled them when doing so.

The pops on the behind were never done out of anger or frustration, but motivated by concern for the child's safety. It didn't happen often and not all of the children needed this type of "attention getter," but I feel it had a lasting positive impression on the children.

I believe, as Angela does, that setting boundries and expectations for behavior early are the best ways to make paddling completely unnecessary as the child grows. The latest I can remember popping a bottom is on one of my sons just before he was old enough to start school.

A large problem is not having a common definition of "spank." I started a riot on My Space.com by beginning a discussion on spanking! Moms were talking about how it isn't right to have a father throw you into a wall or punch you in the stomach....a, yeah...folks, that isn't spanking. That is child abuse.

Of greater concern to me is the way adults speak to children. I have witnessesd heartbreaking exchanges between parents and their children in public places. Parents use mean, demeaning words that break a child's spirit and confindence - something much worse that a gentle pop on the bottom with an open hand.

I know many of you disagree with me by evidenced in the poll...please participate in the discussion and tomorrow, when we will hear from the experts!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Should we spank our children?

What is the definition of “spank?”

Is there some mystical line we cross when spanking a child that makes it a “violent offense?”

If it is okay to spank a child, when is it? At the age of 2, 5, 12?

Where do you spank a child? On it’s buttocks, hands?

Do you use anything to spank a child such as a wooden paddle?

The line of demarcation seems clear in our society, the parents who spank and those who don’t. Because spanking has come under such fire, those who spank are not quite as vocal at defending themselves as the non-spankers who toot the horn of superiority continually.

Take a look at the questions above and tell me what you think in the discussion below.

Tomorrow, I will tell you how I raised my children and on Tuesday, we will read together what the experts are saying!

Join the discussion and vote in the poll now!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I opened up the paper this morning to see that our school district has announced further budget cuts for the coming year. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I have to wonder what our educational system is coming to.

Included in the cuts are - Music instruction, delayed until after the 6th grade; cuts in the Talented and Gifted programs and also cuts in Library services.

This is craziness. I read not too long ago that we spend more per person on education than any other country in the world and our results aren’t even comparable – and I don’t mean in a good way.

It could be that we have a higher cost of living than these countries, but I doubt that is the case, looking at the countries cited. It is more likely that we use the money we are given in a very wasteful, inefficient manner.

Now, our children may pay the price. If this were a budget for the home, we would reconstruct all expenditures to make the most efficient use of our money instead of just chopping at the cost of necessities.

You can only chop so much off of the grocery bill until the children starve – and in this case, the thing they will be starving for is knowledge.

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I was deep in thought today about small pleasures I’m grateful for and saw a commercial about the healing properties of human touch.

Many hospitals are now using massage therapy techniques to sooth and advance healing of adult patients. For many years, hospitals have used volunteers in the NICU to hold premature infants – highlighting the need from birth for human touch. Research has shown that infants deprived of touch will face issues of failure to thrive and in worse case scenarios, death.

What then are the implications for those of us who have children at home past the infant stage, where they are held close to you each day and the toddler stage, bouncing on your lap? Truthfully, we don’t get the opportunities to touch our children as often as they grow older, yet they are still in need of a reassuring touch.

As parents, we have to make opportunities to hug our children as they grow, give a quick peck on the cheek or put a steadying hand across a shoulder. Yes, they will go through a stage when they protest, but especially mothers can get by with many things!

What is the pay-off? I believe a parent’s touch makes our children feel loved and secure. For our family, the touch has come full circle. My adult children and my teenage son are not afraid to hug me good-bye (although not in front of the football team), take my arm when it is slick out or hold my hand as we walk through he mall or the city street.

I understand the children think they’re helping a tottering old lady from falling or tripping, I understand because of the caring in their touch.

Posted by Connie Newbauer

I confess, I still write love notes.

Beginning when my husband was in the Marine Corps and wearing “cami’s” (a camouflaged uniform with many pockets), I would hide notes in his pockets for him to find throughout the day. When I packed him a lunch, I would sometimes tuck a note in on top of his sandwich, or write a note on his napkin.

When we had children, it seemed a natural thing to do for them as well. I put notes on their pillows when I saw them do something nice for each other, or a reminder to say “happy birthday” to a sibling the next morning. Sometimes the note had no reason at all; I just needed to say “I Love You.”

My problem now, is this: When do you stop the notes?

Our eldest daughter, Jamie, is 27 now. I still write love notes to her. Since she lives 8-hours away, I now have to drop them in the mail, or flash them electronically to her email account – or leave her a telephone message when I know she is in class or at work.

The children make fun of me for the notes, but I don’t really care, because I know they really look forward to getting them...and I love giving them. It is such a simple way for me to give solace to a boy who is supposed to be too old to need solace from his mother. It can give encouragement and figuratively shares a hug.

Do children ever get too old for a love note? I don’t think so. It doesn’t matter if they are in need of encouragement after a spelling test gone-wrong, or a break-up.

Everyone needs a love note now and then!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Just a note to make you feel better about the education your children are getting in North American schools: The Chinese are envious of your children.

Chinese and American educators have visited each other and have come to the same conclusion: they are envious of each other's school systems.

Americans schools are seen by some as relaxed to the point of stupidity in worldwide academic circles, are being hailed by Chinese educators. In return, Chinese schools, long the poster-children of strict discipline, turn American educators green with envy at the thought of rapidly excelling students.

How can this be! It is true, that Chinese schools offer a strict disciplinary system matched by equally strict academic challenges, churning out professionals far superior in both physics and math to many students around the world; but they seem to be lacking an essential quality to manipulate academic superiority towards creative discovery. In other words, it is exceedingly difficult for disciplined Chinese students to "think out-of-the-box!"

American students, by contrast, are relaxed and for the most part, enjoy school. They are allowed to discover their own talents because this relaxed atmosphere allows for nurturing of the individuals, which in turn, ignites creativity. The down side, American students continually struggle in subjects, which take discipline, such as Physics and Math.

Chinese educators cite the fact that although they have students far superior in these disciplined subjects, not one Chinese person has ever won a Nobel Prize.

Why? Because to effectively use book facts and knowledge, you must be able to do so with a great amount of creativity and 'dreaming' - something totally foreign to Chinese students.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find a happy medium between discipline and nurturing in both education systems?

More on how the Chinese are making themselves felt in American academic circles, read about Chinese Language Classes for American kindergarteners!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Attitudes of educational complacency are running rampant in society. It is much easier to accept things the way they are rather than stir up the pot of change. To make a change means an inspiration must be followed by tireless action – powered by a limitless energy to make a difference. Far too many of us turn from challenges requiring any additional thought or devotion.

In respect to our public schools, there seems to be a limitless cycle of blame when children do not succeed. Administrators blame teachers who blame parents who blame administrators who blame parents…etc. etc.

When child(ren) are passing, even by the skin of his or her teeth, all-right seems to be good enough for everyone involved. Unfortunately, this complacency on the part of administrators, parents and teachers alike are making American children educationally bankrupt. It is simply much too easy to accept the status quo than to be a force for change.

Why does this remain so? There are far too hands in the community remaining idle while our children suffer. As a community of educators (administrators, teachers and parents) together, we need to set the academic bar much higher and hold both students and educators accountable for the outcome - and remember - parents are definately part of this equation as educators!

One basic question remains: Is the educational failure of our students the result of unclear goal setting; in other words, do any of us really understand what high standards are for children?

For the sake of the future, educators in every position, need to find the answer to stem the tide of ignorance so prevalent in our students when compared to European countries.

Posted by Connie Newbauer

The holidays were a mad rush, but our family took the time to host a Blessingway for our middle daughter and her first child on December 30th. A Blessingway is the Navajo tradition of blessing a mother and child. It shifts the emphasis from gifts and shower games to a more spiritual calling together of God and “tribe” females, past and present, in a ceremonial manner.

During the Blessingway, the females of our family imparted words of wisdom regarding parenting and bringing a new baby home. How did the mothers of yesteryear learn what we passed on? Was it perhaps the mystical instruction book parents receive in the delivery room, via stork delivery, or UPS upon bringing the baby home?

Not likely! It was from experience intermingled with the wisdom imparted through our mothers’, and our mother’s mother, and her mother before that.

Before the internet, before self help books, before regular newspapers with parenting columns, our families were the only expert opinions we could call on to raise children; in this way, our cultural traditions, verbal histories and innate urge to nurture are brought to full fruition.

What then, if we have a weak link in the family chain? Although I’d like to pretend that each female initiated into the passage of motherhood is able to tap into this wealth of family instincts to nurture, the sad truth is, sometimes it just isn’t so.

If your parenting models have not been the best, all is not lost. Of course, there is always Dr. Phil, Dr. Brazelton and a host of other professionals – many in your locality – to assist you. But while seeking advice, don’t discount the wisdom of the other mothers around you. If you’re breastfeeding, find the number to your local LaLeche League; a toddler will have fun with you at Mommy and Me meetings. Tweens can benefit from a family membership at the YMCA, and both, Tweens teens and their parents have support systems through Boys and Girls Clubs, school counselors and Parent-Teacher groups.

Instruction book, what instruction book! We’ve got something more powerful working for us – each other!

If this column is one of the branches on your tree of support, I welcome you and hope we can find the answers to parenting in today’s world together!

Posted by Connie Newbauer

Happy New Year!

I sincerely hope the past holiday season was celebrated by you and thoseyou love safely and happily.

My favorite gifts this time of year are the simple ones. Gifts that never go out of style and always fit right - friendship and love. the holidays have a way of reminding me I should be sharing these gifts, not only during these special times, but all year long.

It is within my power to make two persons happier in the next few minutes, simply by telephoning someone who has blessed and enriched my life and saying, "I'm grateful for your friendship," That person will be happier, and so will I.

Gratitude works wonders. Have you ever seen a really joyful person who was not filled with gratitude? Have you ever seen a miserable, self-centered person who was truly grateful?

Charles Dickens once wrote: "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

It ony takes a minute to begin reflecting on our present blessings:

...the gift of life itself

...the warmth of friendships

...the riches of good health

...the power of love

...the privilege of prayer

...the joys of music

...the satisfaction of work

...the treasures of books

...the beauty of art

...the miracle of the seasons

As we enter 2007, let us model a joyful life for our children. Take a moment each day and count your blessings, pass your gratitude on and model the joy that is yours. It is the most priceless gift we can give to ourselves and those around us - all year long.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!