Connie Newbauer's Blog
Posted by Connie Newbauer
All of the presents are unwrapped. The children may have even broken a few of the toys you so lovingly picked out and the boxes are proving to be more of an attraction than the toys…what next?
I’ve always felt a little left down when all of the planning, hosting of parties, wrapping of gifts and everything else is over. Many family members do. This boredom leads to the one thing I always dreaded most – fights between the children.
Fighting during school vacations and on long summer days are mostly the results of one thing: boredom. Do you remember Grandma saying, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop?" It is as true today as it was when Grandma was a child. Busy children are not bored and therefore are less likely to fight or to get into trouble.
Try a family outing before returning the children to school next week! Go to the museum – or to a winter jaunt to the zoo – take a long walk to look at the Christmas lights or to a coffee shop for a warm cup of cocoa!
When you return home, capitalize on the good feelings you’ve created by doing artwork together. There were many long winter days I sat at the kitchen table with homemade clay, or coloring books and crayons, or board games, or the ingredients for dinner spread out before the children and I as we worked together to create something wonderful and unique.
I guarantee, using this technique for relieving boredom will pay off by bringing you hours of contented playing in the background in place of the screaming and crying that you were hearing previously.
If you are too busy to leave the house, incorporate the children into what ever you are doing. If you are cooking, let them help. If you are cleaning house, give each one a chore appropriate to their age. Young ones just beginning to walk can follow you with a (clean) dust cloth, children three and over can help older sibs pick up their rooms and make their beds.
Be creative! Sing songs as you clean and then as a special treat for the children – and yourself – sit down for an hour to watch their favorite video with them once the work is done.
School age is a wonderful time to open their world to many different experiences from cultural to responsibilities! Children who are not treated as an interruption in your day, but taught how to properly handle a particular chore (such as dusting or taking out the garbage), are being taught life skills and growing their sense of responsibility. They’ll also understand a little bit better when you try to explain to them in the future that you have jobs to be completed before you can take an anticipated trip to the library!
Posted by Connie Newbauer
For unto you is born this day
in the city of David
a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
Luke 2, 11
Merry Christmas to all of you!
Posted by Connie Newbauer
"Remembrance, like a candle, burns brightest at Christmas time." Charles Dickens
As we get older and the circle of life comes around, we are bound to lose loved ones. During the holidays,when our families are all together, the hole these loved ones have left is all the more evident and can arouse feelings of sadness in all of us, even children.
I have been guilty of not recognizing this in my own children, simply because I was preoccupied coping with my own feelings of loss; had I been my usual self, I would have talked to them about what they were going through. Why, one day, I "woke up" to what was going on around me, I cannot say, but am hopeful that these few, brief words will help others who now stand in my shoes.
If you have lost someone this year,perhaps a parent, remember the children have lost a grandparent as well. Watch how they are reacting to that loss and talk to them about what they are going through. Amazingly enough, if the words are not spoken out loud, the children can sometimes interpret that to mean you don't care about the loss - which, I'm sure, nothing could be further from the truth!
It has been said that a burden shared is a burden divided. It holds true when applied to grieving as well. Speaking to the children about that person, the happy memories you have, the sadness you feel at their physical presence being absent, can help all of you. At the end of the day, you will find that not only has your burden lightened, but your memories will burn bright once again and joy will once more find its way back into your family because joy shared is joy multiplied!
Posted by Connie Newbauer
My husband is a great father. He is compassionate, loving and involved. What he is not - when it comes to the children - is an effective communicator.
Case in point:
Our youngest is a football player, something he loves and isn't half-bad at - he is not a stellar student. To be a good football player, you have to work out nearly 365 days a year. To be a good student, you should be reading, studying, consuming information at about the same pace as your football workouts. Our little football player is not so inclined. Why?
Of course, there are many reasons for this - primarily he is just one of those students who prefer to show up and socialize. What is having impact on how he looks at football is how his father communicates with him.
Most evenings, we eat dinner together at the table. The only siblings left at home are boys. Grandpa is living with us as well and the conversation at the table generally revolves around sports of all kinds - dependent upon the season.
However, one of the first questions asked of our youngest is how his workout went that day, followed by tips and suggestions for taking his workout over the top. The importance of achieving these goals is emphasized each night to improve his chances of playing college ball. I know - any men reading this are shaking their heads and wondering what could be wrong with this scenario.
As the lone female, this is what I hear - and I'm sure our son does as well: Football is the most important thing in life. My husband - who obviously has a huge impact on our sons - never mentions grades until the grade report comes out and it is too late to do anything about it. I'm afraid there will be no college for him and his last game will be his last. Period.
I'm fearful that both father and son will feel they let each other down at the end of the day. If I could change anything, it would be to change the ratio of academic vs. sports conversations each evening. I'm not sure that can happen in a house full of testosterone.
The best I can do at this point is to have my husband read some tips on effective communication!
Posted by Connie Newbauer
Over the past few weeks I've received several emails requesting columns devoted to a diverse collection of topics. Taking my cue from you, the reader, I will begin to tackle those topics next week andinto January to respond to your requests!
During the coming weeks, look for articles on Mourning the Loss of a Childhood Pet, How to Stop Whining, Teaching Responsibility, Academic Trends Affecting Early-Grades Language Classes, Talking Smoke Detectors, Before and After School Care, Home Alone: At What Age, Mommy and Me Classes For Working Moms and Techniques for Creating A Blended Family.
Whew! I've got my work cut out for me, but I rejoice in the feedback and interest each one of you have shown.
If there are additional topics you would like to see addressed, please email me or start a discussion on the topic. Early Childhood strives to be a current resource for those of you in the trenches!
