Stop Cousin Fighting and Start Cousin Bonding by Building Good Relationships Between Child Cousins

Posted by
Renee Carver
Nov 25, 2008

As the holidays approach, many moms and dads find themselves dreading family get-togethers because they are not sure that their sons and daughters will get along with their cousins. The more parents imagine the upcoming family event, the more the worries build: Will younger cousins feel left out? Will some cousins gang up and exclude others? Will older cousins resent being stuck at the kids' table with younger cousins?

Some parents find it easiest to grit their teeth, toss the kids together in a room with a television and some DVDs, and hope for the best. If cousins are many years apart, some parents may not even see the point of trying to foster a friendship between them.

It is a shame, however, for any family to waste an opportunity to build strong relationships between cousins. Children can certainly benefit from time for free, unstructured play, and they should definitely be given an opportunity to work differences out among themselves without grown-ups stepping in and interfering (or taking sides). At the same time, parents interested in fostering positive familial relationships should take the time to prepare some activities for cousins to do together so they can get to know each other through a fun, shared experience. For example:

baking and decorating cookies
helping prepare part of the family meal or set the family table
playing board or cooperative games
playing outside with balls, jump ropes, ring toss sets, and so on.
looking through family picture albums together
doing craft projects such as making a table centerpiece or holiday decorations

As for age differences between cousins, a ten-year age gap that seems huge when children are 4 and 14 will not seem as big when they are 24 and 34. Lay a good groundwork for child cousins to become firm friends as adults. Then when the older generation is gone, cousins will still have each other to rely on for support.

Still nervous? Check out the following articles for specific tips and ideas for how to help all cousins get along and build good relationships that will lead to life-long friendships.