How to Prepare an Older Sibling to Welcome a New Baby to the Family

Posted by Renee Carver Dec 31, 2008

Children can be territorial beings who think about life in concrete terms. They may resent sharing their parents' time and attention with a new sibling. Often having to share physical items such as toys, books, and outgrown furniture such as old highchairs, cribs, baby chairs, bouncy seats, swings, exersaucers, or car seats can push them beyond resentment and jealousy into outright dislike.

Siblings must learn both to get along and to share household items. What, then, can parents do to help older siblings accept from the very beginning that time, space, and possessions in the home must now be split with another child?

Why Is Sharing Important?

In the classic parenting book Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too [W.W. Norton & Company, 1987], authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish make some important points about sibling sharing that still hold true today. For example:

1. To interact with other people at any stage of life, children must have mastered the skill of sharing.
2. Children will experience moral benefits from learning the joys of giving things to others.
3. Forcing children to share, however, can backfire and drive children to cling more tightly to their things.

Why Parents Should Not Always Force Siblings to Share Everything

The last point is particularly important for parents of new siblings to keep in mind. Forcing an older brother or sister to give up an item to a sibling may cause much more resentment than good. Even if the item is something the older sibling has clearly outgrown or has not used for ages, often the best move parents can make is to back off and allow the sibling to relinquish it in his or her own time.

Opportunities to Promote Sharing in Positive Ways

But, of course, siblings should learn to share, so how can parents encourage older brothers and sisters to share from the start?

• Invite siblings to share their time with an unborn sibling and invite them to help plan a theme for and decorate the new nursery.
• Identify outgrown furniture siblings want to share and invite them to help get these things ready for the baby.
• Encourage and assist children in making a special gift for the new baby.
• Decide well in advance of the birth how to handle the question of whether an older sibling will receive small gifts when the baby receives gifts.